confused about dad

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2007
confused about dad
Wed, 03-12-2008 - 5:27pm

Hey y'all,
Okay, my dad is weird. Tell me if this would annoy you.
My dad works as a self-employed mechanic. He is a cool and nice dad, who obviously cares for his family. He may not say I Love You at all or show a lot of affection toward his wife in front of his kids, but he is still a good dad. At least, I think he is.
He does really annoying things. Like, for example, whenever he uses a spoon, he ALWAYS places it right next to the sink instead of inside it or in the dishwasher if it's empty. He does not seem like a real Christian man, as he tends to laugh at some inappropiate things on TV, and sometimes makes rude jokes. He doesn't swear, though. He seems to be very pessimistic. LIke for example, he watered my sister's watermelon plants one day, and I asked him why. And he stated, "Because I doubt she'll do it herself." She'll be 16 in a couple weeks and was really excited about these plants and I was frustrated that he had doubted her. We raise a small ranch of sheep, and we always need Dad to help us castrate the lambs, give the ewes' shut, etc. He acts like doing all this is the greatest burden ever, and a few times we've had sick sheep and he thought they were dying. We were mad both times when the first time, he thought we should just leave the lamb alone when it needed milk because he thought it was dying, and also, when we had a sick pregnant ewe, he thought we should just shoot the ewe and get it over with instead of continue to try and save her! All of us were really mad, and worse, he goes next door to complain to his mother, who lives there, about all this and she pretty much agrees with him.
And then there's the cat issue. My youngest sister Katelyn likes to bring in this cat named Black Stuff into the house a lot, and i mean A LOT. This cat has a Siamese ancestry, we'd learned, and long story short, is black with a Persian nose, and acts nearly exact like a Siamese. It's such a big deal to them that Dad seems to always have Black Stuff in the house as if he's some long lost son, and mom hates it when the cat walks around the house (these are barn cats, by the way), and steals food from the fridge that Dad and Katelyn openly give him. Dad doesn't listen to Mom when she complains about the cat that it's in the house, and my sister and cousin don't listen when they bring in a couple other cats. Sometimes they do, but they always keep Black Stuff inside. This is also not a good issue because our inside dog, Holly, is a small dog and does not get along with Black Stuff at all.
My dad used to have a pet raccoon growing up, and he seems to always say that if something happens to mom, they'd get a pet raccoon and they joke about how, if they get one, it'd probably kill Holly. Since I am a college student, I am always dead serious then and always answer with a, "Well, if that ever happens, I swear I'll take Holly far away from here and never come back."
You can probably understand the situation I'm in that's really annoying. Dad recently made Mom cry without him knowing it because she was so frustrated with how he and her daughter didn't get how some stuff was supposed to be done in the barn.
What do you think I should do, if anything? I know my parents love each other a lot, but these are are the only "problems" we seem to have. We're not a broken family or anything, but these "annoyments" are so annoying that sometiimes I just want to stay away for a long, long time, although I always end up missing home anyway. What do you think should be done? I'd really appreciate some advice. Thanks!


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2004
Wed, 03-12-2008 - 7:57pm
Have you tried sitting down and having a good heart to heart with your dad? Let him know that some things really bug you in a peaceful, calm, loving manner?

I would start there. Remember, he may not listen to you, but it's important that you and your family don't bottle up your feelings. Every family has ups and downs. I can't tell you the things I've noticed about my family (which I once thought was perfect) now that I don't live with them anymore. Our relationship works best with me at a certain distance. And that's okay. It doesn't mean we don't care for each other. Just that we need some space to be adults.

You're in a great phase of your life! You can not change your dad. Behavior's can change. Mindsets can change. But only God can change hearts. Any change requires a burning desire for it in order for it to stick.

Maybe your dad has a reason for not putting the spoon away? Maybe he doesn't even think about it?

Maybe he's really unhappy within himself and that is the reason for his attitude. By him venting to his mom, I would guess that he needs some fellowship, perhaps outside of the house. He may not feel listened to or he may feel very taken for granted.

Hang in there! Pray!

- J

- J. Darling

Singe, Songwriter, Author for Celebr

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2004
Wed, 03-12-2008 - 8:21pm
Sounds like he can be rather annoying.



You can't change the past, but you can ruin the present by worrying over the future.