Had a vasectomy, but having doubts

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2003
Had a vasectomy, but having doubts
6
Sun, 07-09-2006 - 11:07pm

Hello, I'm new to this board and looking for wisdom/advice. I am 36 y.o. and have three beautiful, healthy children (6, 4, 17 months). DH is 45 and had a vasectomy a few months ago after several discussions about whether or not we are done having children. At the time, I felt sad that we were making this permanent decision, but was so tired and overwhelmed with the children, house, etc. that I agreed. Now, I am not so sure.

It is so hard to think of letting go of the beautiful cycle of pregnancy, birth, and babies. I've had great pregnancies and two great births (the first was very difficult). I love to see the interaction between my children and look forward to watching those relationships grow. After three kids, I feel as if I finally appreciate having children and realize how precious and sacred life is.

But, I also know what it's like to be up every few hours nursing, or taking care of sick kids. I've felt frustrated because I've had to give up or postpone other things I enjoy because I have young children. I wonder, too, if God wants to use this desire to have more children to lead us to adopt a child.

Can anyone relate to these feelings? Is this just something every woman goes through when she stops having children? I would appreciate hearing the perspective of other women.

Thanks,
Jen

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 07-10-2006 - 8:44pm

No experience with that here, but you may want to think


about down the line, when you are in your 50's and


~*~ Aloha to all .... ~*~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 07-10-2006 - 8:44pm

Hey Jen, Welcome to the board~


Well I may not be the best person to answer this, seeing how I have 7 children, lol. :)


I knew when I had my last that she would be my last. It was a final cut and dry thing for me. Until that point, I never felt like I was complete in having my family. Perhaps others will have another take on this.


Since my last daughter,

"I know my plans for you"declares the Lord. "Plans to prosper you,  and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future" Jeremiah 29:11

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2004
Mon, 07-10-2006 - 10:23pm

I'm also new to this board. And I don't have any babies, yet, so I guess you can take all of this with a grain of salt. But I've always sort of known that I would adopt, whether exclusively or combined with having biological children. Maybe your husband's vasectomy was God's way of leading you to adopt...He knew that you would be saddened by the thought of never having any more babies, and that you would look to other options. Think what a gift your loving, Christian family would be to an older child whose life has been spent in an orphanage or with foster parents...or what a gift it would be to a teenage mother desperately searching for the right family to give her unexpected child to. I'm sure that whatever ends up happening, you will find the right solution for your family. And, the adoption board on iVillage is great, if you're looking for more information...I have visited there from time to time, and the ladies are very informative and supportive.

Alane

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-11-2006 - 4:57pm

Jen,

After the birth of my 2nd son, I teetered back and forth on the subjest of more children. My DH is about 8 years older than I am and didn't want to be raising children in his 60's. We decided 2 was enough and have been very happy with the decision. Every once in a while we will through around the idea of adopting a child but I no longer feel the need to birth more children. I'm 32 and am satisfied with the 2 children God put on loan to me. It is a really tough decision. Please pray about it. God will give you the answer clearly. He did me.

Your sister in Christ,
Robin

Robin

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2003
Wed, 07-12-2006 - 10:28pm

Thanks to all of you for your input. Yes, I will definitely pray about it. It's funny -- whenever I find myself feeling sad about our decision, the next couple of days are really hard. Right now, I'm actually thinking about sending a couple of these kids back! Just kidding. Thanks again.

Jen

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Fri, 07-14-2006 - 11:23am

My name is Jen, too! Short for Jennifer, of course! ;)

I had a tubal back in 2004. By then my kids were 8 and 6. I wish every now and then that I could have more, but I'm really glad I can't. It would be so difficult to go back into the baby years, but I really miss them so much!!! I go every so often and get my husband's nephew and bring him home just so I can love on a baby again (he's 18 months already), and that reminds me of how hard it would be to have another baby. Joyful, yes, but oh, so hard! He gets into everything - we have to chase him around constantly - the kids get tired of watching him after about an hour - one day we caught him eating nail polish b/c Katie had left the bottle in her room where he got into it. LOL - it didn't hurt him, he just had really red lips for a day or so until it all peeled off.

I'll also bring home DH's 3 year old niece - she doesn't stop talking for a second - it's so cute! Exhausting, but adorable! DH gets annoyed really quickly - he can tell ours to be quiet, but she doesn't understand that yet. LOL!

Because the kids are older (almost 11 and almost 9 now), we can do a lot with them - I'm thinking of going rafting in a few weeks. But, I'm only 31 and DH is 33 - we could easily have more, if only I hadn't had this tubal..... (see, there I go fantasizing again! I think I'll go get Noah this afternoon! LOL)