Hurt and troubled

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Hurt and troubled
4
Mon, 08-21-2006 - 6:18pm

Jennifer

"Oh, that you would bless me indeed, and enlarge my territory, that Your hand would be with me, and that You would keep me from evi

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2004
Mon, 08-21-2006 - 8:53pm

Yelling at your child will bring those rage feelings. However, we need to not lash out in anger. Your right to be upset that they didn't come to you first. I had a mother corner one of my children and do the same. She was acting on half the story ( her dd's half) and belittling my dd. Here is how I handled the situation. I went to her house. I said, "I hear there is a conflict with our kids. I'd like to rectify it." I let her say her piece. When she was finished I said, " I understand you being upset. However, I need to let you know that this is the other part of the story. (I told her). Further, if there is a problem in the future, please come to me before you go to my child. It makes it better for all involved. That way we deal with the kids on a front united status. Also, I will do the same for you. I don't ever want to make your child feel intimidated by my confronting them." It let her know that the story was only told onesided and I didn't appreciate her cornering my child. You might be able to handle it something like this. Swing by and ask to talk to him. Say something along the lines of the situation the other day. Tell him that you had a chance to talk with your son. Tell him he felt that he should confess because the dad was so angry and he didn't know what to do. Tell him that in talking with your son you just aren't positive that the details he was given we correct. However, that isn't the main concern. Tell him that in the future if there are issues that need to be dealt with you would like him to give you a call first instead of handling it solo. That way the boys will know that they can't fool anyone because you are both there. It will also eliminate the boys feeling intimidated. You of course will extend him the same favor.

That way you are letting him know you dont' appreciate the way it was handled and you'd like it handled your way in the future. A reasonable person will understand and agree. Your situation isn't really about who googled what. It is about him making your child feel inadaquate and trapped. I'm not one for confrontation, but when I have to, I will handle things. By not getting into details, you deal with the root issues. You can do it! I know that you will do it. Pray before you go that there will be peace and open hearts.

 

Kristi

You can't change the past, but you can ruin the present by worrying over the future.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 08-23-2006 - 10:00am

I agree with Kristi. I feel that it would be the best way to handle this in a Christian fashion. I'll be in prayer for you, your son and the while situation. Do you think it's not so much anger but hurt that you're feeling? I think a talk with the parents would probably resolve that. Pray and God will furnish you the words you need to say.

Your sister in Christ,
Robin

Robin

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-15-2001
Wed, 08-23-2006 - 11:06am

Wow! Jennifer, you must feel so hurt right now. Stand by your son. Show him that you expect him to be truthful, and until you know otherwise, you trust him.

I'll say a prayer for you and your family.

Erica

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2006
Wed, 09-20-2006 - 5:21pm

I too willbe in prayer,but I don't think there is a need to say anything else to these parents. Just put in Gods hands, Chirstian and confrontation don't go together and even if thats not what you set out to do it could still escalate into someting else.

I know it'a harder when you are going through this and as long as you trust that your son is telling you the truth thats all that matters no need to justify anything to the other parents.

I wish you the best of luck in raising your son the right way and I wouldn't think twice about who I let my child be friends with you never know what goes on in other people's houses and to subject your child to it could be harmful and detrimental to him!

Jami