husband and inlaw difficulties

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2006
husband and inlaw difficulties
Mon, 01-01-2007 - 10:35am

I visited these message boards a couple of weeks ago, but I am still new at this.
I have shared before about how my husband and I were having problems in our marriage, and how things got worse, since we moved in beside my mother in law. And, I shared how I made alot of mistakes in my marriage, including an overspending problem. I have met some nice people online, and I have been trying to put my mistakes behind me, and get a fresh start.

But, I am still struggling, and I need people to talk to. My husband has always been very critical of me throughout our marriage. He is still out of work (for 2 weeks now), and beyond applying at one place, he has made no effort to find another job. He stays up all night, and sleeps all day. I know it would be useless to nag him, but I am getting really worried. Also, two days before Christmas, my mother in law had a talk with me, and went over all of the things she feels I have done wrong,and she told me that I was bringing her son down. She then told me that she wanted me to leave. She said she felt that her son and I needed time apart.

I am still seems that my mother in law is letting me stay, at least for now. I am trying to move forward, and improve my own issues, even if that is not good enough for my mother in law. But, I still feel on very shaky ground, and I feel I need to keep talking to as many people as I can for advice and comfort.

I want to thank everyone who has already responded to me before, and I want to wish everyone a Happy New Year. Thank you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2003
Mon, 01-01-2007 - 12:59pm
Hi, Jen. I pray for God to soften the hearts of both your husband and mother and for the Lord to help them see with spiritual sightedness. May He bless you with the peace that passes all understanding to help you and may His joy be your strength.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2004
Mon, 01-01-2007 - 8:13pm

Marriages are always full of adventures and trials. I would first and foremost cover your marriage in prayer. It is a family's obligation to stand behind a marriage. Your MIL is entitled to her opinions. However, she isn't the one you are married to. Blending families can be so hard. Everyone redetermines their roles. Your MIL doesn't have to "mommy" her son anymore. She appears to think it is still her role. Your dh is supposed to be the provider and protector. Have a heart to heart with him. Tell him how you feel without accusing him of things...for example, "I really need to feel protected by you. I like to know that you will provide for us." It helps them to see without feeling threatened or like there is an ultimatum. It may be best for you to try to find a way to get back on your own.

On a side note, it is very hard on a man to be unemployed. It cuts to the core their self esteem. Let him know and feel you stand behind him. Let him know you are sure there is something better for him. It will help.

Hang in there.



You can't change the past, but you can ruin the present by worrying over the future.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 01-15-2007 - 9:54am


I agree with whats been said. I can't state hard enough how he needs your support at this time. Your MIL seems to be a very intrusive one. I'd be praying for God to work in

"I know my plans for you"declares the Lord. "Plans to prosper you,  and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future" Jeremiah 29:11

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2006
Mon, 01-15-2007 - 12:40pm

Thank you for your reply, Karen,

Yes, I have been trying to be in prayer more for my husband, and everything else. Prayer is something I have struggled with.

My husband has only applied to three places for a new job, and he has been out of work for a month now. He still is on the computer all night, and sleeping all day.
I do not nag my husband about finding another job, and I am always kind and respectful towards him, even when he is not so nice to me sometimes. But, I am getting more concerned about our situation.
I feel like I want to support my husband as much as I can. But, to be honest, I am afraid to approach him or say anything to him beyond small talk now. He is civil towards me most of the time, but he criticizes me alot. I feel frozen out, and I don't know what to do. I am very worried for our marriage.
As for my mother in law, she has been civil towards me, but I have caught her making negative comments to my husband behind my back. Like with my husband, I am always friendly towards her and I am respectful. But, I do not trust her, and I keep my distance from her as much as I can without appearing unfriendly.
I know this sounds selfish, but I have been feeling really lonely and in need of support myself.
But, I will keep praying about everything. I thank you again for your reply.