Let me try and make this as short as possible.
"My mom says that I should quit worrying about whether they like me or not, I should just become a b**** and when she starts intruding on my parenting style, I should look at her and say "excuse me, I am the parent and you are intruding."
I can understand what you are going through and especially when it's coming from close relatives like that.
Seek ye first the kingdom of God then everything shall be added on to ye.
Hi there. I too have an overpowering MIL. I went to her one on one without my husband or kids and told her how badly her comments hurt me and made me feel like a bad mom. She busted out crying and told me that she hadn't realized how badly her comments had hurt me.
My best friend's has a hard in-law relationships as well. Her MIL was doing exactly what you experiencing. My friend went to her and told her that if she did not stop the comments that they would no longer come to her house and that they would exclude her from birthdays and holidays until the MIL changed her ways. She stood her ground and for 2 years the MIL was excluded. The MIL finally stepped up and started giving respect to her. I'm happy to say that although it was drastic, it was the only measure that worked. I must say though that my friend did this thru much prayer but felt God's perfect peace at creating stability for her children, her DH, and herself. Sometimes tough love is what wins.
I'll be praying for you.
Your sister in Christ,
Honey, I can't answer how to do it without his support. The verse that come to mind is "Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. —Genesis 2:18, 21-24" Maybe you can talk to him about the need for his support over a cup of coffee. Remind him that you and he are on one team(sometimes we forget which team we belong to). Be careful though as our emotions as women sometimes cause us to come across as aggressive(or nagging) when all we really need is understanding. Stay calm & focused and see if he is rsponsive to your needs. Be mindful of his needs as well.
My best advice for you in laws is still to go to her one on one without your husband or kids with you and talk to her face to face. It will clear the air one way or the other. Your peace will never be restored if you don't get this issue talked out with her. Even if she is a control freak, for you to come to her privately and say how you feel, how you need to be treated and to let her know, without being angry or making a scene, will let her know you expect her to respect you. I don't mean to go in there angry or confrontational. Invite her to lunch or to have coffee and talk to her one on one in a calm environment where you can talk to her, really talk to her. I'll keep praying for you.