My brother, my sister and I.......

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
My brother, my sister and I.......
10
Fri, 07-14-2006 - 4:22pm

Have to go and talk to my dad about his situation tomorrow. You know, the living will, the final will, and all that stuff :(


Please pray for us. Pray that we will all get along ok, and that Dad won't be overwhlemed with everything. He is a man who is gripped with fears. I am so concerned that he will be just overwhelmed and feel like he's being booted out the door or something. We just want to make sure he gets what he wants in healthcare, and that his legal matters are all taken care of. He doesn't own much, my brother owns the house he lives in so its just a matter of "stuff". We just don't want anyone to get that "viper" mentality of "It's mine". I personally only want to make sure he is saved, thats it. This is so hard. I hate getting older!


:(



"I know my plans for you"declares the Lord. "Plans to prosper you,

"I know my plans for you"declares the Lord. "Plans to prosper you,  and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future" Jeremiah 29:11

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 07-14-2006 - 4:36pm

Karen,

I'll be praying for God to speak the words from your lips to give your father the desire for the joy of being saved. People have such trouble with mortality, especially lost loved ones. I'll be with you in prayer on this!

Your sister in Christ,
Robin

Robin

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2003
Fri, 07-14-2006 - 7:27pm
That's a hard situation indeed.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 07-14-2006 - 10:22pm

Thank you both for your prayers!


I will let you know how it goes~ ((hugs))



"I know my plans for you"declares the Lord. "Plans to prosper you,

"I know my plans for you"declares the Lord. "Plans to prosper you,  and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future" Jeremiah 29:11

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2004
Fri, 07-14-2006 - 10:53pm

Karen,

I know how hard this will be for you. My grandmother just passed away on New Year's Day. I lived across the street from her my entire life; she made my breakfast and took me to school every single day until I could drive myself. She knew her time was nearing its close back in October, but she waited until after Christmas to tell all of us. Obviously, she was holding on for the holidays, because she died so close after Christmas. Luckily, my grandmother was the most spiritual, faithful Christian I have ever known, and it was through her devotion to Christ and her church that I learned what sort of relationship I should aspire to have with God.

I pray that God will give you and your siblings the strength to say what needs to be said, and the strength to handle whatever your dad says in response. I pray that God's Will will be done, and that you and your family can progress through this stage peacefully.

Much love,
Alane

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 07-15-2006 - 4:13am

Yup, most of us at one time or another eventually
deal with this aspect when parents are aging.
My MIL went home 2 years ago but there are a few
small loose ends we are tieing up at the moment.
Good ones, though.
I will be praying for your dad.....
Update us when you can.

Hugs,


~*~ there's nothing that a nap can't cure (wink!).... ~*~



~*~ Aloha to all .... ~*~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sun, 07-16-2006 - 9:34pm

Well we went.


My dad is a mess. He has no will, no living will, he doesn't who his life insurance policies are with, but he knows a he a couple. One is with the federal Government, so we know we can find this one, the others are ..........???


Overall it went fine. We are going to find out how to help him make a will, and a living will. And we are looking into finding his insurance policies. This was very sad. My sister was very helpful with getting to the information that was needed, well in asking about it. But she also was a bit of a grave robber. She was stating what she wanted, and pretty much telling dad and the rest of us that she better get it. I was a little upset by that. She also let us know that she needs to start chemo soon. Her blood white

"I know my plans for you"declares the Lord. "Plans to prosper you,  and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future" Jeremiah 29:11

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2004
Mon, 07-17-2006 - 3:16am

Hi, Karen. I just wanted to let you know that any hospital can probably provide you with the standard forms for a living will. There are spaces to check what sort of treatment he wants/doesn't want, and then the area for him to sign. They're fairly simple to fill out and execute. A estate lawyer can probably provide them for you, too.

Also, a good wills and trusts lawyer can help you set up his will, and probably for a fairly nominal fee, as long as he doesn't have any complicated finances or trusts or anything like that. It shouldn't take very long to draw it up, and then your dad will just need to go over it and sign it. The insurance policies will take care of themselves, so long as he's listed the correct people as beneficiaries and the premiums are paid up.

It is difficult when family begins to fight over belongings, as if that is what matters rather than the life of the loved one. We suffered a bit of that when my grandmother died, but most of what she has was sentimental and not of any monetary value; just extreme sentimental value to all of us. We were lucky, because it seems that we were all attached to different things (me to the dining room table and chairs because my mom sewed the seat cushions; my cousin the piano where she first learned to play; another cousin to her sewing table, etc.). I'm sure that things will work out, and as things progress, I pray that your sister will find a way to make peace with the situation. I think it may be that she's holding on to the "things" that she wants because it makes her feel that she can hold on to your dad.

You and your family continue to be in my thoughts and prayers. God bless.

Alane

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 07-17-2006 - 2:01pm

Oh honey, I'm so sorry. ((BIG HUG)) My MIL got all her things in order last year after my FIL passed away. She even made lists of what everyone was to get after she dies. It was a bit morbid but there is no way anyone can fight when it is all spelled out in black and white. She doesn't have much in earthly pocessions but when asked what I would like to have, I asked for her Bible. I see her reading it almost everytime I come thru the door. It's the thing that would bring me most comfort, I think. Sorry. Didn't mean to drift. Your dad was probably incredibly overwelmed and your sister may be just verbalizing because she's afraid to be left out BECAUSE she is undergoing cancer treatment. Ya know? Maybe its more of a cry not to forget about her. Fear is a strong thing. I'll be praying for your unspoken request and for you and your family always.

Your sister in Christ,
Robin

Robin

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Mon, 07-17-2006 - 3:48pm

I hate getting older, too. Especially when it means seeing your parents get that much older as well. I'm sorry that you are having to face this right now. I pray that your family is united as you talk with your father. I pray that God prepares hearts even now to be receptive to His purpose and plan. May God grant you wisdom, strength and peace during this time.

Psalm 5:11-12 "But let all who take refuge in you be glad; let them ever sing for joy. Spread your protection over them, that those who love your name may rejoice in you. For surely, O Lord, you bless the righteous; you surround them with your favor as with a shield."

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 07-17-2006 - 4:21pm

Thank you all for the encouranging words. I appreciate them.


I sent my brother an email stating that I want him to help my father prepare his wills. I hope he takes the initiative to do it. I am the youngest of my siblings and feel because of that position I really don't have much of a say in anything. ONe thing my Dad did say was that he wanted my brother to have his D-28 Martin guitar, and for that I am grateful. My brother will take much better of it than sister will. It's all sentimental things to me too. But I mostly just dont' want my memories to be overwhelmed by the bitter fight over his things. So for me, I'd rather just have my memories I have and allow them to have whatever it is that they want.

"I know my plans for you"declares the Lord. "Plans to prosper you,  and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future" Jeremiah 29:11