Need advice on how to handle this
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|Tue, 08-03-2010 - 8:31pm|
Before I tell you what my problem or predicament is you'll need to get some background.
Sister-in-law and her husband have custody of their 2 grandsons ages 5 & 8. There terrors on wheels and have no discipline. They destroy property and don't know the meaning of the word no. The last time they were at our house they took toy cars and rolled them on the walls despite telling them to stop. They kept leaving the back door open despite being yelled at to close it. They pulled the top of a thin mimosa tree over to straddle it like it was a horse and now the thing is almost touching the ground and they for some reason opened the back gate and the dogs got loose the next time we let them out.
We went out to eat with them and the boys were running around the restaurant disturbing other patrons, they went in the men's washroom and came back soaked with water. My husband went in to check on the status of the bathroom and found the only stall was locked from the inside with nobody in it. I had to go in the men's washroom with them to force them to crawl back under to unlock the door and walk out. Then they were throwing food at each other, playing with the computer the servers use to total and print out your check and laying in cleaned empty booths. Grandma and Grandpa said nothing and I was the one to discipline them.
We go to their house and when we get home we notice our car is all scratched on one side. Looks like someone took a nail and drew on it. Next time we're at their house we notice brother-in-law's car looks the same. The 6 year old likes to draw on cars with little rocks. He got yelled at from Grandpa and told if he does it again he's getting a spanking.
The boys mother lives in an apartment behind sister-in-law and she's bipolar with personality disorder and if forced will watch her boys if sister-in-law and husband have to go out which is very rare.
We've stopped inviting them to our house due to the boys and we won't go there too often, again due to the boys.
Anyway, we take a cooking class and this year SIL and BIL started taking it with us. Over the past year we've gotten close with the instructor and his wife. The instructor called me this afternoon that he's having a little surprise birthday party for his wife on Sunday afternoon and we're invited. He wants me to invite SIL and BIL also. I do need to say, we're all in our early 50's. No young kids and the birthday girl and husband have kids living in other parts of the country.
I called SIL to tell them about the invite and she wants to know if the kids are invited also. I said "he just said Don and I and you and Tom, no mention of the kids" She then says she needs to know if she has to get a babysitter. She doesn't like leaving them with their mother but if she has a reason to then she'll have to watch them. I said, "well, lets just say they're not invited and she needs to watch them". I explained to her that we've been there for other events and gatherings and they don't have kids and none of their friends have kids so I don't think the boys would have anything to do. She wants me to ask if they're invited.
My husband resents being put in this position and doesn't want to put Chef Michael on the spot and since he's so sweet he'll feel obligated to say yes, bring them along. I thought of just telling her he said no but then if she mentions it to him he might say he didn't say that which would be true. I thought of talking to him and telling him to hear me out BEFORE he answers and explain the boys behavior to him, even though he already knows about most of their behavior. They're going to be ruining the day for everyone that's there with their constant interruptions and I know they'll have their fingers in the food and removing icing from the cake. They do that at their house and our house when we've gotten together for dinner and again Grandma and Grandpa say nothing.
So, what I'm looking for is opinions on how you'd handle this situation if it were you. I'm torn but if the kids are invited we know that we won't be there. What's really funny is their own kids were raised better, they were severely disciplined and not out of control like these boys are. There are no rules or discipline just empty threats.
About a year ago they were here for dinner and the youngest climbed up on 3 foot tall speakers and wouldn't get down until physically removed from them. He went into a dark room and got my $400 camera off of a shelf and came running down the hall with it over his head. I took it from him, gave him a good talking to and made him sit on the couch. Grandma called him over and cuddled him. Then tried convincing us he was smart and thinking because someone mentioned taking a picture and he knew to go get the camera. She still defends his actions saying he was showing initiative and thinking.