Please help!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2006
Please help!!!
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 12:17am

I am so sorry you have to read this. I need to EXPLODE somewhere though. Dh's 2 kids were here for 2 weeks and are going back to thier mom's house even though he has full custody. He is allowing her time with the kids and his daughter (6) is doing very well in school there versus here. Anyhow, mother in law has hubby's 2 kids. Thier mother is coming to get them on Thurday. MIL has called here 2-3x a day wanting to talk hubby. When I reply he is sleeping she calls our cell phone every 2 hours on his breaks at work. The ONLY reason we have that cell phone is so every 2 hours on his breaks he calls me to talk, check and make sure the kids and I are okay, etc. Well, we went to Six Flags on Sunday with them and at that point she forced him to ONLY play with his kids. My 3 kids and myself were completley by the wayside and did our own things all day. I was miserable! He has told her at my back down, its not happening. Anyhow, DH just now calls home....after a week of NOT calling because he is on the phone with his mom and his kids, he just now calls. Asks if I can call his mom and have her call him asap on his break so he can talk to the kids. (no long distance on our cell phone). I said "ok" and he was like "thanks, bye". Ummmmm....what? It is so not christain of me to be jealous of him and his kids but I am. How do I overcome this? Its like when his kids are around or on the phone, me and my 3 kids are a third wheel. When they aren't here or on the phone, we are his family and he treats us like it. I have tried calmy talking to him about this and he gets irrate! He is soooooo up his mom's butt until recently when I told him he needs to get off her left boob! Thats when he wrote her a letter saying WE make descions. When we met them in St. Louis Sunday, he jumps out of our van and into his mom's van. I drove the rest of the way to Six Flags alone with my own 3 kids. I wanted to go back home so bad!!! The whole time we were together, she had hubby hang back a distance with her and filled his head full of stuff! This is a few things I was fortunate to overhear:

"You know , since your ex has the kids on medicaid in Texas, they look at that like the state is supporting those kids and they will garnish 50% of your wages"

"The kids have cried so hard for you, they want to come home so bad "

" (3yr) is wetting the bed and really acting up, its because your giving them up"

"Your gonna loose these kids for good"

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2004
In reply to: bodylogics
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 12:34am

I'm not married, nor do I have any children yet, so I don't really feel comfortable giving you any advice myself. I will say this, though: my dad is remarried to a woman who has three children. I was an only child, and really, lived a quite perfect childhood. I never got into any trouble, my grades were good, and I was accepted to college and law school on scholarships. Most of that is a result of my parents being stern but fair disciplinarians.

Her children are nothing like I was: they are in trouble constantly and are lazy about schoolwork, etc. They are never disciplined, by their father (who's also remarried) or my dad and his wife. I had a hard time coming to terms with his remarriage because I saw him treating those children (14, 17, 18) like he never treated me. He went to their school functions and to visit colleges when the oldest one was deciding where he wanted to go. I had to beg him to come to events at my school, and he never visited a single college campus with me. There are other things that I don't want to go into, but I finally just gave into the fact that he was going to act however he wanted to act, and that his behavior was a reflection of his own confused feelings, not of his love for me.

The book that finally just made me accept the situation was "Step-families" by Dr. James H. Bray. This one may also be a good one for you to read...maybe you should get a copy for your mother-in-law as well. :-) She should be made to understand that you are trying to build one family out of two, and her constant interruptions and criticisms are making it impossible for you to maintain a healthy, happy family unit.

You'll be in my prayers. Let us know how things progress.