Problem in marruage

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2003
Problem in marruage
4
Thu, 08-05-2010 - 12:33am

I need some outside insight. I have been married for 12 years. It has been a good marriage - 2 kids. My husband was raised as a Christian. I was too, but my family is a more quiet Christian family.

Many years ago, my husband developed an anxiety with going to church. I often would take my preschooler to church by myself. Fast forwarding - my husband rededicated his life to the Lord 2 years ago. He is very involved at church now.

The problem is that his whole personality has changed. I feel like I cannot express any human emotions such as anxiety, worry, concern, or even just feeling down in the dumps about something. If I do then I am not trusting God or living my life right. I feel like I am so analyzed now. We almost can't have normal conversations anymore. He isn't here to support me or and talk through everyday things. All I know is that I am not living right or have enough faith about something. I just really don't feel Christian enough for him. He just seems really disappointed with me and I miss being able to talk to him. I am sure he has a deeper relationship with God than me.
Does this sound healthy? Am I just not understanding what a Christian marriage should be like?
Please excuse typos. I am on a small device.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2006
Thu, 08-05-2010 - 9:22am

Hi and Welcome.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2003
Thu, 08-05-2010 - 1:49pm

Whew!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-29-2004
Thu, 08-05-2010 - 4:05pm

I had a similar situation but thankfully not with my husband.

I have a cousin who has a relationship with Christ that I've always been envious about. The problem was, he often made me feel very inadequate in my faith with the things he said. One day we were talking about the bible and I honestly can't quote scripture. I can tell you the general idea of what a verse says and can eventually find what I'm looking for but can't quote book, chapter, verse. He can. He made the comment "There are a lot of bible illiterate people" I took offense to that and felt he was calling me stupid. I also started thinking I was when it came to God, Christ and the bible. I did call him on it though and he apologized. A few years later his niece was going through a period where she didn't want to go to church. She didn't enjoy it. I told her to find the part of church she enjoys. For me it's the music. I love hearing the songs and singing to the Lord. He heard me and asked me if I knew WHY we go to church. He then proceeded to give me a lecture on the fact that we go to church because we were commanded to and we don't go to get something out of it for ourselves but we go to give glory to God. Again I felt chastised and very inadequate in my faith.

Fast forward 15 years and I don't doubt my christianity, beliefs or relationship with Christ. It's mine and it's the relatinship Christ and I have formed together. It might not be the same one he has but it's very intimate and personal and it's important to Christ just the same. Even though I don't believe the way my cousin does hasn't diminished my faith. We believe in the basic principals. Christ is the son of God. He was born of a virgin. He died for our sins. He rose from the dead and ascended into heaven. He will come again. All that other stuff is not important enough to argue over.

Don't let anyone make you feel you don't believe the "right" way or you're not right with God. That's something only you and God know and no person can tell you differently whether it's your husband or not. I do feel that Satin uses our emotions against us and the times you feel inadequate or less than, pray to God to protect you and keep Satin away. It's worked for me in the past but that's another very LONG story.

I started writing about my walk with Christ and if you read the earlier posts you'll find I felt the same way you do and had a difficult time in understanding that I did truly believe and did have that relationship I longed for. My stories are on a blog in my signature.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2004
Sat, 09-04-2010 - 12:40pm

I will say that I am not sorry you are going through this...sounds bad at first, huh?