Racing toward disaster

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2006
Racing toward disaster
Sun, 02-11-2007 - 4:39am

I'm trying to figure out how to make this long story short. I have been married for 8 months and we have already (three times) discussed the "D" word. One of our core problems is that

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2003
Mon, 02-12-2007 - 11:35am

Hi and thanks for posting.

It sounds like your husband isn't accepting your way of handling those things that hurt you. There's nothing wrong with crying; in fact, tears cleanse the heart and spirit. Many people (and I used to think this as well) believe that crying is a sign of weakness. It's really the opposite - it's a sign that you're compassionate and sensitive to what's going on in and around you. There's nothing wrong with that.

I sense that your husband is hard-hearted, and it's going to take prayer for God to do two things: 1) to strengthen you so that you're standing on His solid foundation, and 2) soften your husband's heart so that he can show and extend compassion, as well as be shapeable in His hands. The "D' word is a word that can't be thrown around lightly, and each of you must be mindful of that. Positive words breed positivity and vice versa.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2004
Tue, 02-13-2007 - 1:23pm

You guys need good Christian marriage counselling. If he won't go, then you need to go on your own.

A husband is to love his wife the way Christ loves the church and gave himself up for her. It doesn't sound like your husband is exhibiting that kind of heart. He needs to be reminded of his responsibility as a husband, as the head of the household, as Christ's representative.

Talk to a pastor or someone you can trust with confidentiality. You need wise counsel right now.

God bless you as you seek him in this situation.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2007
Wed, 02-21-2007 - 5:30pm
I will be praying for you both. However it seems to me that you knew exactly who you were marrying. It has only been 8 months since you accepted this man as your life partner so why be surprised if he is behaving the way he is. Was it an arranged marriage where you didn't have an opportunity to get to know him defore the I do's? I've been married for almost 12 years now(together for a total of 15) and I thought marrying my hubby would change him into the perfect man.WRONG!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hardly nothing about him changed so I had to.I found love in the arms of Jesus and let my DH know that if he actually cheated on me(which is where I thought his womanizing ways would take him), that I would definately divorce him. Well he still has issues with his lustful flesh but he is trying to kill the urge to constantly flirt and have other womens attention. That I knew about and complained about before we got married so I have no one to blame but myself for marrying a man who loves other womens attention. Now trust i don't put up with him disrespecting me in any way and when I feel his attention wandering away from me I let him know in a polite Christian way, (Back in the day it wasn't so polite- a sharp jab to the ribs or an obvious role of the eyes were the signs of my irritation). To sum up my point(I'm not making light of your situation) I hope my husband doesn't leave me if he ever starts to sum up my imperfections because there are enough to fill up a wheel barrel one drop at a time. For better or for worse huh? Prayfully he's showing you the worst now so that you'll be able to appreciate the better. The effectual fervent prayers of a righteous man(or woman) availeth much. Psalms 126:5 They that sow in tears shall reap in joy. Perhaps the Lord allowed your union to help you learn something. I wouldn't even begin to try to tell you of the infinite wisdom of God because no one can fully understand it. I hope these words bring you a little comfort in knowing you're not alone!