Second marriages valid in God's eyes?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2007
Second marriages valid in God's eyes?
8
Fri, 02-09-2007 - 2:57pm
I'm marrying a very wonderful man. He is so kind and sensitive, yet still has that protective manliness about him. At 14, he, having not been raised going to church, took it upon himself to go and without any family around, got baptized on his own as well. He had some hard times and went astray a bit for a while but soon came back around to God before I met him. We go to bible study twice a week, every week and he attends church as well whenever he's in town (he's military and travels a bit). He's so calm and such a believer, but he has something in his past back when he went astray a bit, that distresses me. I've spoke with the pastor that is going to marry us about this, I've also spoke with my religion professor about it (I attend a private Christian university and am required to take religion courses... which is a good thing!) and have spoke to my dad about it (one of the most righteous, honorable men I know) and they've all attempted to ease my mind and have done a good job too. But I still would like to ask around to see what others have to say and see if I can gather any more insight.
My SO has been married before and has a son. It was a brief, disaster of a relationship and they quickly united with a justice of the peace because she got pregnant and he felt it was his duty to take care of them. By no means am I judging him about this. I've never been married, but I haven't been perfect either and had my moments in life when I too went a bit astray.
Either way, that marriage didn't last long, but nonetheless was technically a marriage. I've read and studied most of the New Testament so I know what Jesus has been quoted as saying about a man and a woman coming together as one flesh and if they unite with anyone else after that, then it's adultry. My pastor, professor and father have told me that things need to be adapted to society, both now and back then. And back then, that was a bit of a welfare/feminism issue for women because men could divorce them, making them useless, so Christians were attempting to honor women and maintain good structure and standing for all in the community.
What do you all think of this? What do you think of second marriages? I've read a few passages in the New Testament that mentioned divorce being allowed for a Christain believer to leave a nonbeliever who was affecting that Christian's beliefs (one or more of Paul's letters) and also for another reason that I've heard is up for debate. I can't remember the specific word from which version/translation of the bible, but I've heard it interpreted as "incest" while others interpret it as "adultery." She did cheat on him multiple times, which led him to a moment of weakness and he cheated on her once in the marriage. I'm not trying to justify his actions by being the lesser of two evils, but he soon realized that situation was clearly no good for him when she continued to cheat, so they divorced. Since then, he grew so much and came back around to God before I met him. So does adultery excuse this first marriage? Whether it does or doesn't, him and I both want our marriage to be good in God's eyes. Do you think it will be?
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2003
Sat, 02-10-2007 - 11:04am

Hi and welcome to the board.

I'm married to my 2nd husband, and I believe God forgave me for ending my first marriage. I too saw the passage of scripture you mentioned and felt some of the same things your talked about. Through prayer I realized that God is a forgiving God, and I believe He's forgiven both your fiance and his first wife. Take comfort in knowing that God knows your concerns, as well as your heart and your desire for your fiance.




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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2007
Sun, 02-11-2007 - 3:14pm
Thank you so much for what you said. You reminded me of something I have somewhat forgot: We have a forgiving God who forgives us and expects us to do the same for others. It is very comforting to know, he knows me, what I think and what I feel in my heart. Although I obviously can't hear anything straight out of his mouth to comfort me, he seems to find ways of doing so. It's nice to know he knows me best and can reach me, even through others.
Thanks again.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2003
Mon, 02-12-2007 - 11:22am
You're very welcome, and please feel free to post anytime!




Visit me at www.warmspirit.org/sbstrickland


Building my destiny one day and one step at a time.....


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2004
Tue, 02-13-2007 - 11:09am

I am also in a second marriage. My ex and I were both Christians, but I reached a point in my marriage where I just could not continue with it the way it was, and my ex was not willing to step up and do what was necessary to save our marriage. Fault on both sides. It was a difficult decision for me to separate from my ex - I knew that it was not God's perfect plan for my marriage. But rather than try to reconcile, my ex filed for divorce, and we both went our separate ways.

As I faced the opportunity of remarriage to a wonderful Christian man, I struggled with how that fit into God's plan for me.

God was incredibly gracious to me and showed me several places in the Bible that affirmed my decision to move forward in my life and the freedom to remarry within His will.

The first was in Jeremiah where God instructs Jeremiah to go down to the potter's house and watch the potter remake a pot. God showed me that I was like that pot that didn't turn out the way it was intended to initially. The potter remade that pot into something new and useful for Him again. This told me that, even though my first marriage didn't turn out the way it was supposed to, God was giving me a new marriage in which to serve Him. The old has passed away, behold He has made everything new.

The second thing that God showed me was in regards to "covenants." While I did indeed make a covenant before God in the vows I spoke during my first wedding, that covenant unfortunately was broken. God showed me in His word the many times when old covenants were replaced by new and better covenants. God never intends for convenants to be broken, but we are who we are, and like the Israelites, we are prone to breaking our covenants. But God does not turn his back on us - just as he did not turn his back on the Israelites, but gave them new covenants by which to live their lives.

As I went through the preparations for my marriage to my second husband, I was faced with a lot of judgmental attitudes from many of my family members. They only saw my remarriage as being "adultery" in God's eyes - not as a new covenant before God. Why wouldn't God forgive and restore someone who has failed in marriage in the past? He forgives and restores every other sin? Why would a failed marriage be different in God's eyes?

Anyway - just know that as long as your heart (and your future husband's heart) yearns after God - as you seek to live your new lives together for God, He will bless your union. He does not hold past sins against us (if we have confessed and repented). Don't let the father of lies discourage you or keep you from the path you believe God is leading you down.

Our God is a great God of mercy, grace, forgiveness and fresh starts.

God bless you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2007
Thu, 02-22-2007 - 12:55pm

I think that this would fall under 1 Corinthians 7:27-28.

Privy to this reference, I am persuaded that God looks at our heart(1 Sam) and knows if we are following His precepts according to a legalistic approach or a spiritual one. Just reading your post it seems as if neither of you are trying to work around His principles, but within the spirit of them. Hope this helps, and good luck.

Pat

Avatar for khatru1
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2004
Mon, 02-26-2007 - 1:57pm
I think many people have no idea what its like to get divorced, or be in a position where you have to really start thinking about it. They are either not married or in good marriages and pass judgement on others and simply dismiss all of them as sinners when they have no idea, no clue what it is like to be in a situation that serious. I think they would find that if they were, alot of them would make the same choice. This goes not only for divorce but many other situations in life where it is so easy to condemn someone about something you know nothing about and have never lived or experienced.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2007
Mon, 02-26-2007 - 6:34pm

khatru1-

I can definitely relate to your post. Did you think my post was condescending in any way? I look forward to your response.

Thanks!

Avatar for khatru1
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2004
Tue, 02-27-2007 - 1:28pm

Hi,
no your post was certainly not condescending in any way. There are many people who are curious about the question you proposed and would like an answer. I just think in general it is too easy for people to dismiss and condemn things they know nothing about. Doesnt matter whether you are talking about divorce or a person of another race or another religion or someone who is poor and on welfare and the list goes on and on.

I personally think god would rather see you happy and together with this wonderful man and not be punished for his rash actions in the past, for the rest of your lives.