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|Fri, 07-07-2006 - 8:26am|
Trying desperately to curb my frustration, "negativity" and "anger", especially toward my husband's family.
Long story short, since our marriage a few years ago, we have been trying to treat his parents much like we treat mine, and include them in our lives and some activities. They've barely done much traveling, or anything other than work, and are always "ambivalent", even turned us down several times including last summer when we had already bought and paid for tickets for a visit, only to cost us money and to "deprive" my grandmother, who looked forward to company (in her last days) of their visit and of the experience.
Trying to make good they visited this past week, claiming to have had an amazing time and experience and noted they'd like to visit again. A very special family member is having a special celebration (Lord Willing) in December and we'd like to include them.
DH "insists" it may be too much and too soon for them, especially in the cold (though it won't be cold, rainy, wet, snowy, etc in our home or anyone elses. They've not (yet) said NO, though they've not said YES either and dh insists we "play it by ear", though, since he "knows" them, suggests I discard the idea of them joining us completely.
This is a VERY special celebration, and in my humble opinion, they have an obligation (if invited) to attend, not just say NO because they don't like flying (45 minutes) in the winter.
I know my folks would be EXTREMELY disappointed, they have often taken the trip to see them and gone out of their way for them, and would be polite, but otherwise cut off ties, leaving my in-laws to shoot themselves in the foot, and creating tension in the family. I too would have to alienate myself from them for failure to extend themselves and while I woudln't cut them off completely, wouldn't go out of my way to visit, include them, call them (like I do now), etc. I would be really, really, really, really, let down and hurt, especially since we've explained how important this is for all of us, ME and my family. Them not coming would be blatant disrespect and a slap in the face.
Any opinions, suggestions, experiences, etc. I am seriously loosing respect for my husband and marriage based on his family and all the turmoil, aggrevation, and strife they have (up til now) caused (and may continue to cuase) and my husband, out of love, trying to defend them. I look at him and his trying to justify their complacency and all I want is out, and really all I want is normalcy and peace and promises (his parents said they'd like to come back) that are meant and kept.
All help greatly appreciated.