Teenage decisions.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2004
Teenage decisions.
14
Tue, 04-17-2007 - 10:56pm

It seems like this board has had quite a few discussions on premarital sex lately. It got me thinking.... I have a teenage daughter who has just started dating. She is 14. Because I was a teen mom, I have always told my girls what was up in that arena. They ask a question, I answer. The other day I was talking with my daughter about it. I asked her if she would tell me if she was thinking she wanted to have sex. She said she would. I asked her if she got pregnant would she come to me. She asked if I would kick her out of the house, to which I said that while I would be devastated for her, I wouldn't kick her out. I explained how I didn't want her to have to walk the road I walked because it was so hard. That led to birth control. I did tell her that if she got to the point that she was going to have sex, I would rather get it for her than have her pregnant or worse. We did discuss how important it was to wait and why. Now here are my questions....

1) Would you put your child on birth control if she asked?
2) Would you have a sex conversation with your child period?
3) Would you kick your dd out if she got pregnant?

My daughter thought she would have to have an abortion because she knew she couldn't be a teen mom. Then we talked about adoption options. I guess I hadn't thought about how she was thinking. I was mortified to think she would think I would put her out. I would hate the choice, but I wouldn't ever turn my back on her. I didn't even realize that she had put any thought in it at all.

Now please understand, I am not asking these questions for debate purposes. I just want some other perspectives. Teen years are so fun really.....lol.

 

Kristi

You can't change the past, but you can ruin the present by worrying over the future.

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2007
Wed, 04-18-2007 - 8:06am

These are just my thoughts on this. My girls are younger so I am not where you are yet but know I will be in just a few years. I work with teens at church and have a real heart for the things that they face. I was not a Christian as a teen myself and made a lot of very bad choices.


1) Yes I would discuss birth control with my daughter. Not just to protect her from a pregnancy but also how to protect herself from getting sick. I would teach all the things God has to say and pray for and with her that she would not decide to have sex before she is married. However, I will not be with her that night on her date with the pressure and the hormones and she will make her own choice. If she was to choose something other than God's will I would want her to know how to be responsible and protect herself.


2) Yes I would and will talk to them both about sex. I really believe it is a gift given to us by God and when used correctly it brings us closer to our spouse. I also believe that honesty really is the best policy. I think the more they know the better able they are to make good choices. Just to say "don't do it" is not enough. Be honest, Be blunt and answer questions.


3) no I would never kick my child out. God did not throw me out of the family of for my sins. A pregnant teen does need to be taught a lesson. That lesson is coming all by itself. They need love and support and prayer to help them make the best decisions for themselves and their baby.


These are just my opinions on the subject. I would not judge someone else for the choices they make regarding their own children. This is just what I feel is right for myself and my girls. I have told parents of my church teens that if their child was to ask me a question I will answer and I will answer honestly. I have always had the support of the parents on that issue.






iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2006
Thu, 04-19-2007 - 6:53am
I must first say that you are one of the bravest moms I know for letting your DD date at 14! I think that you are brave for having this talk with your DD at an early age too. I think that you need to make it clear that abortion is NOT an option. That is murder. Also, there are other options rather than abortion.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 04-19-2007 - 12:55pm

Well now, you know my take on dating at this age. To those who don't, I think its senseless in the eternal perspective. After all isn't

"I know my plans for you"declares the Lord. "Plans to prosper you,  and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future" Jeremiah 29:11

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2006
Thu, 04-19-2007 - 1:49pm
WOW~ I couldn' agree with you more onthe dating age. I think at 14, the last pressure that a teenager needs is dating.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2004
Thu, 04-19-2007 - 6:34pm
You crack me up. If I really didn't want other opinions, I wouldn't post here...lol. I do value them. I really do like having other perspectives. It helps to see where you are in your thinking. If you fall somewhere in the realm of normal, that is a good thing. If everyone who posts rips ya, probably a bad call. See, lol, I fall in the midst of normal somewhere close to insane! I might have some further thinking to do.

 

Kristi

You can't change the past, but you can ruin the present by worrying over the future.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 04-19-2007 - 6:46pm
(((Love ya!!!)))



"I know my plans for you"declares the Lord. "Plans to prosper you,

"I know my plans for you"declares the Lord. "Plans to prosper you,  and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future" Jeremiah 29:11

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2004
Thu, 04-19-2007 - 9:06pm
Back at ya!

 

Kristi

You can't change the past, but you can ruin the present by worrying over the future.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2006
Fri, 04-20-2007 - 6:50am

You crack me up too. I don't have a daughter (THANK GOD). I think that my DH would be a little physco if we did. I just think ( along with others) that your daughter dating at 14 is extremely young. When I was 14, I was playing sports and worrying about my braces. I could've cared less about a boy. I think that was the whole anticaption of being 16~ was being able to drive and date. I know that it must be hard to have a teenager nowadays. I have a 2 1/2 yo son...so I am good for awhile.

Laura

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2004
Fri, 04-20-2007 - 8:25am
Boys are fun too. My little dude who is 8, asked me if he had to do s** to have a baby. I said yes. He said, "Hmmm, I guess I have to get a wife. Then I think I can do that." Ok, I have no clue what brought that on. It was really not what I expected to talk with him about. The kids come to me with all kinds of random questions. If they ask dh he usually won't tell them anything. They now just tell him they will ask me because I tell them anything. I guess I over compensate for my folks telling me to just not do it. I figure if I just answer whatever the question of the day is matter of factly enough, then the insane curiousity won't be there. I also want them to know by my past reaction to questions that they can come to me with anything. Everyone knows it takes a lot for me to be phased. Alicia always tells her friends that all of her friends love me. She tells them that no one comes to visit her, but they all come to see me. I know that isn't the case, but all the kids do come to me with their issues. For some reason, they have parents who could care less about them. I don't understand it.

 

Kristi

You can't change the past, but you can ruin the present by worrying over the future.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2006
Fri, 04-20-2007 - 9:46am
I see where you are coming from. My parents never set down to have the sex talk with me and needless to say curiosity got the best of me. I see that you and I have the same parenting style. I think that if my child ask that means that he wants to know. I rather he hear it from me than someone else with no morals. Even at 2 1/2, my DH and I are very open with my son. He is in the stage of learning body parts...need I say more!! We come up with creative names. One day, he touched his private and "balls mama". What am I suppose to do?? I laughed. I want to be the parent that my parents weren't (does that make sense)! I had my child young...22, so I don't think that I will be to 'close minded' by the time my son is a teenager. I think that it helps that you (as a parent) are so open minded. Good luck with your teens!!

Pages