Boyfriend lies to his mother about our living arrangements.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2011
Boyfriend lies to his mother about our living arrangements.
5
Mon, 10-17-2011 - 7:21pm

Both my boyfriend and myself come from a pentecostal upbringing. We now both hold very progressive and liberal ideals and do not identify with most of our parent's ideals. We have been together for 2 years and currently live together. I have always been the black sheep in my family and find it natural to be open with my parents about my decisions and ideas - even if they conflict with their standards. My boyfriend chooses not to be open with his mother about our living arrangements because he feels she will not be able to cope with the situation. He feels she is too fragile and will grieve over the situation. I feel he is making matters worse by continuing to lie to her. His lies allow her to continue to believe that her son is a virgin and wouldn't live with a woman he was not first wed to. He is 32 years old and his decision to lie to her makes me believe he may not be ready to form an adult relationship with his mother. I also feel that he feels it his responsibility to make her happy. (I understand there comes a time when you take care of your parents just as they have taken care of you.) I get very anxious during any interaction with her because I have to "tip-toe" around the fact that we live together. Should I put up with his decision or am I right to feel conflicted in the matter?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-1998

You feel conflicted because you know you're doing something wrong by lying.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2011

There are a number of red flags flying here.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2004

This man is not mature enough to be living with a woman.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2008

Hi seelizrun,

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004

Here are some things to ponder...

This man is 32 years old.

This man has invited you to share his