Buddy Pass For In-Laws

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2006
Buddy Pass For In-Laws
Wed, 06-04-2014 - 1:56pm

I work for an Airline and am lucky enough to have travel benefits for friends and family. I am considering giving a buddy pass to my in-laws because they are extremely helpful in helping me to raise my son. Whenever i need someone to watch him to go out of town, i can text my mother in law and she watches him and plays mom until i get back. They also take him every weekend for me (although he is supposed to be spending time with his dad but that's another story). She truely does WAYYY more for my son than his own father (her son) has ever done. So naturally i want to thank her by giving her travel priviledges so she can go on a vacation and enjoy herself. The only concern i have is that i am no longer with their son. We have been seperated now pending a divorce for nearly 5 yrs and i was wondering if that might be insulting to offer them passes and not him. He is a sorry excuse for a dad so as far as offering him buddy passes... Ain't happening. He can kick rocks. His parents pick up all of his slack. Anyway, what do you think?

Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
Thu, 06-05-2014 - 1:00pm

I don't think there is anything wrong with offering your in-laws the passes.  They are participate in your sons life, regardless of their son's behavior.  I think it would be a wonderful gesture.

But....my concern is not the relationship concerns, but rather can they afford a vacation?  I had a wonderful MIL that "paid" for a honeymoon that I couldn't really afford.  Free airfare and lodging is nice, but we had to use the credit card for most of our food and activities.  

Hope that makes sense.  If they already travel the heck yea!  Give them the passes.  If they don't, you may want to reconsider.  


Avatar for elc11
Community Leader
Registered: 06-16-1998
Sat, 06-07-2014 - 1:03am

"i was wondering if that might be insulting to offer them passes and not him."

I don't really understand this part. Do you think your inlaws would be insulted if you didn't give your ex a pass too? Or that your ex would be insulted?

I'm sure the inlaws have figured out that you don't get along with their son anymore, at least not enough to be married, so they probably wouldn't expect you to be giving him a pass too. 

I think they would appreciate the gesture, that you want to thank them for all the help they give you even though they may be delighted to have so much time with their grandson. The previous poster makes a good point though about whether they can afford the other expenses of a vacation....are the passes valid for a long time so they can plan and save? If they're short-term passes then you could make the offer and tell MIL to let you know when she is ready for them.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2008
Wed, 08-06-2014 - 1:37pm

This is probably late and you've made your decision, but I think there is absolutely nothing wrong with giving the grandparents in law a buddy pass.  It is simply a way for them to pick up slack that your ex (son's father ) isn't picking up. 

You don't need to justify it to anyone - I think bad parents deep down know they aren't doing enough and I'll be your ex will figure this out on his own.