Burial Plots - Our conversation with the IL's

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2006
Burial Plots - Our conversation with the IL's
Tue, 09-06-2011 - 5:32pm

Recently, MIL cornered us and started talking to us about burial plots. She has been looking in to them recently (due to a death in the family which has spurred her on to look) and found a location she is interested in.

She said because the price is so good that she wants to buy 10 plots. Two are for MIL and FIL, one for SIL (who is almost 40 and not married) one for her brother (he is married, his wife wants cremation) and that leaves 6 which she is saying that would leave some left over for us - DH, me and DD (who is 4) and my son (who I had in a previous marriage but she only brings him up because of past issues).

I have had my share of issues with MIL and just tolerate her at this point and keep my distance because it causes less problems that way. We are cordial and things are OK. But my first thought isn't to buy some burial plots right next to her.

I understand her wanting to have funeral arrangements in place for her and FIL (and even SIL since at this point since she is not married and may just want to have that in place)

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2007
You didn't make her buy these plots...SHE chose to buy them and she did not even bother to get your opinion about whether you would wanted these in the first place. She is an adult that made a decision. You are not responsible for her choices.

I would get what you and DH want in order, make your wishes known via whatever means in writing. As for your daughter, your MIL will likely pass before her so there is nothing requiring your DD to be buried there, not that there is anything requiring her to be be buried there in the first place.

My step moms mother bought 6 plots several years ago; one for her and presumably her DH and the rest will be filled as people pass if they want them. She has several kids. "First come, first served" she says.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2001

When I married my H, I was informed that MIL/FIL

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-1998

If she has bought the plots already, no big deal. She will likely be gone by the time you need them for yourself and at that point, you will have made whatever arrangements you chose. If she has not bought them, I would say something. She can do what she chooses, so all you have to do is say, "No, thanks" for your plot. If she goes ahead with her plan, you're not obligated in any way.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2008

Some posts sounded like your mil had already bought the plots but when I re-read I'm not sure that she has.

Community Leader
Registered: 01-03-2004

Just remember this: burial plots can be bought and sold like any other real estate. If your MIL wants to buy 10 plots let her. When the time comes for you and DH to decide your own arrangements MIL won't be around to argue with you about where you are buried.

P.S. Unused plots can be sold. :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004

I agree with a little bit of everyone else, but I also think it is very nice of her to offer them.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2008

I agree with the PP in that this is a little odd - there's a lot that *could* be going on here that has made red flags go up for you, about MIL trying to pre-empt or control your wishes and not respecting your own views. BUT it doesn't need to be intepreted like that and your life is probably going to be a lot easier if you don't enter into that at all. Decide with DH want you want to do and a simple yes please or no thanks will suffice - you don't need to justify your decision at all, but if you are pressed you can just give a simple 'we have other plans' and leave it at that. I think what you are worried about - that you will get a lot of intrusive bullying, effectively, over this - will only happen if you let it.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2006

Thank you everyone - I wanted to make sure I kept this in perspective and didn't let my negative emotion override something that is benign.

For the most part I understand where she is coming from but when it comes down to it my preference is to just be cremated and my DH is leaning that way too but I will just let them know we appreciate the offer but have something else in mind when the time comes.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2002

I'd tell her that you and your husband plan to make your own arrangements.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2004

I don't think it was nice at all of her to offer.