children left out of will

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2007
children left out of will
16
Tue, 01-30-2007 - 11:19pm
My husband's uncle has been a bachelor all of his life. He likes our middle son best and it is sounding like he is the only one of our three boys in his will. My husband says it is none of his business and there isn't anything he can do. If he says anything to his uncle then none of them will get anything. I told him I'd rather have it be nothing at all than to have our other two sons get hurt by this. I love my children equally, and I am deeply upset by this. HELP!!!

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Avatar for mom2danjam
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 02-02-2007 - 8:21am

Personally, I would not allow my kids to be around people who consider them lazy and stupid. And there is NO law that says you have to be civil to this man. You don't HAVE to go around him at all. I also question why your husband sees him and can "get along" with someone who badmouths his children. Stay away and keep your kids away, end of story.

I don't think you are stupid and would never imply such a thing. But, I still think that the man's estate and will are none of anyone's business, except his. I also disagree that if your one son is given an inheritance, that he should be made to share. Like I said before, the sooner you get over this "everything must be FAIR and equal" thing and your kid learn that life is never equal or always fair, the better off you all will be.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Fri, 02-02-2007 - 11:49am

I did not realize that your uncle badmouths two of your children. If you posted that and I missed that, I apologize. I never said you were stupid. If you feel stupid, that is something that you need to deal with. I am not accountable for how other people feel.

You can express your feelings here at Ivillage. However, it doesn't mean that others will agree with you and/or support what your situation is. That goes for everyone that posts. When anyone posts for advice, they take a chance that there will be people who will agree with what they situation is and be on their side and there may be others who agree somewhat. Also, there may be others who don't agree whatsoever may choose to express that.

Lastly, I agree with the others who said that they don't understand why you let your sons socialize with someone who talks that way about them. Of course, that is your choice, but I don't see how that is productive for your children.

Again, just my opinion.

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Edited 2/2/2007 11:51 am ET by cl-stretch123
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 02-02-2007 - 1:01pm

"I told my husband, just please convince him that our other two boys are NOT stupid! That really hurts me"

You said it yourself, this Uncle enjoys being pig-headed, and admires others who are just like him. So that means no one is going to convince him of anything. If your husband finds a way to make a pig-headed old man change his mind, then I hope you will share his technique with the rest of us! It will be like a miracle cure! Best of luck to you, dear. It's good to see a momma bear who cares for her cubs this way. But we all must know when to let go.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2007
Sat, 02-03-2007 - 2:48pm
Thanks for supporting me. I know I am overprotective, but it's hard not to be in this situation. I told my middle son (the one that is in the will) that he is not to say anything about the conversation he had with the uncle to his brothers or anyone else. No sense upsetting anyone before we need to, and he agreed. Meanwhile, my husband is over at the uncle's right now--helping him with his taxes! I wish I could've talked to him before he went and just told him he doesn't need to tell our middle son EVERYTHING that he thinks about our other two! Well, that won't happen today, but some other time he is going to have to talk to his uncle about the badmouthing and the putdowns. You talk about a mother bear, has he ever dealt with an angry mother bear? There's nothing I can do about the will, and I won't attempt to do anything about it, but I feel I need to put a stop to the bashing he's doing. He can think whatever he wants, I don't care, but he doesn't have to tell other people that. If I ever find out that he has told my other two sons to their faces, I will be his worst nightmare! I don't care if he hates me! I always knew why the rest of the family didn't get along with him, but it never really got that personal for me until now. I just figured I'd put up with him, but not anymore.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2005
Sat, 02-03-2007 - 10:47pm

Hi,

I have 3 adult dd's~~my new dh doesn't like any of them nor do they like him (big problem at times for me) when dh & I had our wills written up, he insisted that nothing of his families goes to any of my girls~~it can go into a "trust" for the grandkids who treat him as if he were their bio grandfather (my granddaughter calls my xh poppa and my dh grandpa) I am not leaving anything to any of my dd's because of their behavior toward myself or my new dh and it's laded out in our wills why too as. I get to decided who I want my estate left to, I'm leaving money to the Girl Scout over my daughters because of what they have said/done to my dh.

Sam

~~Sam stitches well with others, runs with scissors in her pocket. Cheerful and stupid.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2003
Sat, 02-03-2007 - 10:55pm
How sad! I certainly hope that you have the opportunity to reconcile with your daughters before your death. How utterly sad to actually plan to continue hurt and bad feelings after your death through your will.

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