DIL & Baby Pics

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2001
DIL & Baby Pics
7
Wed, 04-23-2014 - 7:07pm

I never thought I'd see myself on these boards about in-laws but here I am.

My son is in the army, got married a year ago, had a beautiful baby girl 3 mos ago. I never met his wife in person as we live 3000 mi. from each other but we'd text, email and chat on the phone on occasion. After the baby was born, my son would send me pics and she would send me pics too because I told them I'd make them a scrapbook and also for me to have. I finally went to visit 3 wks ago. It wasn't what I had hoped it to be and I chalked it up to my DIL just trying to adjust to being a new mom or maybe post partum. She's not working yet and still gets up in the middle of the night. Anyway, she sent me her latest batch of photos 3 days ago. This is my first grandchild so I am beyond excited and I share pics on facebook for my friends to go "ooooh" and "ahhhh" over.

Yesterday my son sent a text saying my DIL feels uneasy about the pics of my grandchild where she has no top on. In one pic, she is covered by a sheet lying on her side. Her arm, shoulder and neck are bare. The other one is of her pushing herself up on her forearms. It's a side shot and you can see her arm and her back are bare. I was shocked as I NEVER ever had any bad thoughts about someone stealing the pics, etc. She called me after the text and said she's nervous about sickos getting pics of innocent children. I told her I understand her concern and that I would delete them. I deleted the pics...but then felt bad about the whole thing.

Was I wrong to post the pics?

Avatar for sabrtooth
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-1999
Wed, 04-23-2014 - 8:48pm

I do think you were wrong.  It's not about sickos, it's about privacy.  I have 2 daughters, both have children, and both have/are breastfeeding.  Both my daughters would SHOOT me if I posted pics of them nursing, even if NOTHING was visible.  In fact, one dd JUST had her baby 2 weeks ago, and I took a beautiful, tastefull pic of my daughter and my grandaughter.  You could see my dd's shoulders were bare, but everything else was covered by the baby laying across her, and the blankie.  I showed her the pic after I took it, and she said, "I better NEVER see that ANYWHERE, except on your camera!!!

For all the women who whip it out public, and have no problem nursing on the bus, in a restaurant, or sitting on the floor in Target, there is an equal, if not larger number of women, who feel nursing is a private business, only reluctantly shared with family, and never with anyone else.

If I were you, I would apologize profusly, and send a small gift.

Avatar for elc11
Community Leader
Registered: 06-16-1998
Thu, 04-24-2014 - 12:06am

I wouldn't say it was wrong, but that it was a mis-communication. She sent you the pics and didn't realize that you intended to put them all on FB. You didn't realize that there were some in the batch that she might not want shared with friends of your friends (ie. strangers to her), and since you don't know her well you don't know what she might be sensitive about. They told you which ones to take down, you complied, end of story. A heartfelt apology for your mistake should wrap it up.

By the description of some of the photos I'm not sure why they would be FB photos anyway. Your friends and relatives probably want to see a few photos of the baby's face or the baby doing something cute or maybe of the baby wearing the outfit they sent as a gift. Most people don't want to see a flood of pictures including/especially the baby being nursed in different positions. Anything that seems at all private shouldn't go on FB, even if you think that just family will be seeing it, because you have little control over who actually sees that content. 

Probably from now on your DIL will only send you photos that she would post on FB, but if she sends one you're not sure about, ask first.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2001
Thu, 04-24-2014 - 5:42pm
Nursing is private yes but my DIL wasn't nursing. She took the pics and shared them. I would've been fine if she told me beforehand like your daughter esp if she's sensitive to that. I've been posting pics now for 3 mos. Thanks for the feedback!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2001
Thu, 04-24-2014 - 5:44pm
Yes, def a miscommunication. I really wish she would've told me beforehand. I have a select amount of close friends I share my pics with but I wouldve had no prob honoring her request. Anyway, it's taken care of. Thanks for the input.
Avatar for elc11
Community Leader
Registered: 06-16-1998
Sat, 04-26-2014 - 12:55am

"I have a select amount of close friends I share my pics with"

One of the problems with FB is that you may intend to share with only certain people; but depending on their privacy settings, your friends may be allowing the photos to be seen by people you don't know and even they don't know. Many people allow "friends of friends" and a surprising number of people allow public access to their FB page.

Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
Fri, 05-02-2014 - 12:50pm
Yea, I don't think it was necessarily wrong, but lesson learned.
Serenity
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2013
Fri, 06-27-2014 - 8:51am

I can see why your DIL was annoyed.  

People are too eager to post pics of their children on that dire, narcassistic website.  All weirdos need to do is 'Save Picture As' on their own computers.  

There are people out there that steal pics of kids on Facebook and pass them off as their own or to try and trap a man claiming the kid it theirs!

Years ago, when I was on the website (when it was good!) My cousin as friends with someone who recently had a baby and the friend posted a pic of her daughter completely naked,  in the bath... the profile was not private either, so literally anyone could have seen it. 

I am glad I have permanently deleted that website. 

More sex please, I'm British!