Do MILS want to ruin marriages?!?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2006
Do MILS want to ruin marriages?!?
11
Mon, 11-13-2006 - 6:44pm

Hello Everyone,

I have posted a few times on some of the different message boards here on I Village. My marriage has had some rocky points for me, and one of those rocky points is with my MIL right now. It's hard to describe her but I think stubborn, conniving, and conspiring might do the trick. This woman does so much to get her two sons' attention that it is beyond believable. She is so controlling, and I have told my husband more than once that I would prefer a lot of alternatives rather than have to live with her and take care of her. She has diabetes and takes very poor care of her health. But I swear, she does it on purpose and for attention. Just today she was out gardening in her yard (by the way, let me mention one thing that is eating away at me, if I can. My husband bought his mom a house so that she could live close to him and his brother. We currently live in a cramped apartment and barely make it to the end of the month because of the house bills that he has to pay for his mom's home. His mom doesn't seem to notice this and just yesterday mentioned she was needing new furniture for her home. Aghhh!) Anyway, just today she was working out in her yard and "forgot to eat" to she passed out and bumped her head. She then waited a few hours to let anyone know and when she finally did, her eye was swollen and she was feeling dizzy. Anyway, she checked out ok at the hospital but this isn't the first time she's pulled this kind of stunt. Just the thought of me moving in with her causes me nauseau. To be frank, if my husband wants to move in with her, he can, but I'm going to live on my own. Sometimes I wonder if it's better to go our seperate ways before then because I can see that there's no way things will work out if we have to live with his mom.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2006
Wed, 11-15-2006 - 7:01am
I agree that my train of thinking is on the wrong tracks and yes, it does seem morbid to think I can only start to have the life I want when another person passes away. It's like I'm waiting to be king but I need the other one to kick the bucket first before I can take my place.
I read earlier on this board that the only reason someone should get married is because they cannot think of any reason not to. Unfortunately, I threw caution to the wind and now have some really tough decisions to make. I love my husband very much and he has a whole lot of good qualities. To separate or divorce would be so painful. But, I know I don't want to put my own happiness aside and let my MIL manipulate us financially and emotionally with her crazy antics. I feel like I'm becoming such a hardened person because this last time when she fell and hurt herself, I really didn't want to even know about it. I am so frustrated with her that it's taken over any concern I might have that she's feeling ok physically. I feel like what I need to do at this point is try to get recentered, perhaps spiritually, and then decide if I can stay in this situation or not, because my husband's point of view won't change, even if we talk about this for hours, days, or years. Thanks though for your thoughts. It really is so important to know we're not alone with our problems.

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