Drop friendships or not?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2013
Drop friendships or not?
4
Mon, 09-23-2013 - 7:02pm

I am a 55 year old woman, single , with no children. I live alone and value my friendships. I have a friend my exact same age. I just don't know if the friendship is worth keeping or not. Several months ago, she asked me to eat out with her on a certain night. I scheduled my entire day around that, and didn't hear from hear at all. So I finally texted her and asked what was up. She said she forgot and was at her mother's eating. I told her that I had waited all day. She said that I should not have gotten upset, that she just forgot. I would have never done that to her, and if I had, I would have been more apologetic about it. Then I almost cancelled a trip with her in July, when she told me what I could pack and bring on the trip and also told me that she wouldn't be using the air conditioner on the trip?! Well i went anyway and a friend of hers went with us. She did not tell me until time to go home that we would be making a 4 hour detour to take him home. I assumed that he had driven to her house. So what should have been an hour trip without a/c became a 5 hour trip without a/c, and I became so hot and sick that I could not eat. I have diabetes and am supposed to eat every 4 hours at least. I would think it would be a money thing not to turn a/'c on, but I paid for the gas for the entire trip. She finally turned it on when we were almost home but it was almost too late then. She said that just she and I would go back to the mountains in October. In the meantime she started seeing a new guy, and all of a sudden she has no time for me anymore, and I did not hear from hear for weeks, except on Facebook, when she would "like" a post. Then she sent me a text asking for the name of a cabin in the mountains and I thought she was making reservations for the two of us. Friday night, I was in a bad automobile accident and sent her a text asking if she could pick me up from the hospital if it wasn't too late. I did not hear from her for hours, then when she did text she said that she was with her new boyfriend, sorry. I called a cab home in the meantime. She did pick me up from the library, about 1/2 mile from her house, and took me home, 1 mile away the next day. this morning she asked if I needed anything, and I asked her to give me a ride to the library again. My car was totalled and I do not have a rental car yet. She showed up to pick me up talking on the phone and I heard her tell someone that she would be out of town from the next day till next week. I asked her after she hung up where she was going. She said she was going to the mountains. I asked her if she was going with the new boyfriend, and she confirmed that. I asked her if that meant that she and I were not longer going, and she said yes, sorry. I do not feel that she was obligated to go with me, but that she was obligated to let me know right away that she and I were not going. I also said that i never thought that she was the kind of woman that made her friends 2nd class citizens when she had a new boyfriend. I told her that and she said that she did not mean to hurt my feelings. and said with the wreck made my schedule unpredictable. the wreck just happened a few days ago and I was not badly hurt. I asked her via text when she planned to tell me that we were not going together and she never answered. I am happy that she has a new boyfriend, but I feel that I am being treat badly. I have a boyfriend, too, but I make time for friends. What should I do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Mon, 09-23-2013 - 7:37pm

The way I see it you have 2 choices. The first is to accept the fact that she is the type of friend that puts a new boyfriend first and foremost above her girlfriends, and any previous plans you may have talked about get shoved aside for the new bf. The second is to drop the friendship, or maybe just put her on your fair weather friends list. I think a woman generally has 2 types friends, the ones that you can depend on to be there when you really need them (like when you needed to be picked up from the hospital after your accident) and the ones that are probably better off as facebook only friends. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 09-23-2013 - 8:49pm

First, your post somehow ended up in the "inlaws" section instead of the friends section, so I don't know if you could repost it on the other section.

I do agree w/ Peacyma--I wouldn't depend on this woman for anything.  Yes someone can sometimes forget that they made plans, which is why I would have confirmed the night before or that morning, but she doesn't seem to care about you that much.  It really annoys me when someone forgets all about their female friends once they have a BF yet I have probably done that in the past (and would make an effort not to do it now).  I might invite her to do things when it doesn't matter that much whether she shows up or not--like when you are doing things with a group.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2013
Tue, 09-24-2013 - 1:18am

Thanks to both of you for your honest and well thought answers. I did not realize that I had posted in the wrong category. I have moved to the family and friends category. Thanks again.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-13-2006
Wed, 09-25-2013 - 2:20pm

Tell exactly how you  have felt about her behavior and if she STILL doesn't change after that...then end the friendship.I totally see where you are coming from.There is NO excuse for that type of behavior.