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|Tue, 08-21-2012 - 12:16pm|
Just a little background, SIL & I don't get along. It's nothing awful, he just avoids me. I don't know why but he doesn't like me. I have never been able to form a relationship in the 10 yrs that he & DD been together. DD is just tells me to ignore it but I know that she ends up in the middle a lot. SIL gets along with my DH one of my 2 DSs. DD gets along with his entire family. I live 2 hrs away & prior to retiring a few mths ago was way too busy to be the interfering MIL.
Anyhow, I am always willing to help out whenever needed. I have used many of my vacations since my grandson was born to care for him. SIL was fired in June & I provided him with coaching & advice in dealing with this wrongful dismissal situation. I had hoped this might improve our relationship because SIL really seemed to appreciate my help. I had been careful to only help when & on what I was asked for help on. Since SIL could only find a short term job, we had our grandson live with us for most of July to save on daycare costs. DD came & stayed for a week but SIL couldn't come. We had a wonderful time with our grandson. I have just retired & so this was the first time that I could be with him all day. DH had babysat from the time grandson was 18 mths until 4. We had a great time together. I was the only working grandparent of his 4 & so didn't see as much of him as the other did. In the past, grandson has sometimes said mean things like he doesn't like me, doesn't want me around or just to even not look at him. I am the only grandparent that can say no to him when it is needed. After raising 3 kids of my own, I know they like to test & even be cruel. So I would ignore this behaviour.
However, now I'm seriously concerned that my SIL is saying negative things about me in front of his son. We just had grandson for another week & his parents came up for 3 days. I was playing with grandson when his parents surprised him & of course, he only wanted them. I had expected not to have much to do with grandson while his parents were here. What I didn't expect was the nastiness & mean things that would come out of grandson's mouth towards me. It was also interesting that he only seemed to do it in front of his Dad who would threaten him with punishment for his comments but then do nothing. I mentioned the behaviour to DD but since she hadn't observed it, thought I was making too much of it. Believe when I say that hearing things several times a day like I hate you, Grandma & you are the most awful person in the world can be a bit disheartening. Some of his comments were too mature for him. Once his parents left, my grandson was back to being his normal sweet self.
Since DD is very independent, I'm used to not being involved in her life decisions & I don't make a big deal if they can't come to a family event or if she shows up without SIL. But it's been 2 wks since they left & I'm still very bothered by my grandson's behaviour. I remember my Mom not liking her MIL & feeling torn because I did love my Nana but I felt this was wrong since Mom disliked her so much. I hate to think of my grandson being pulled in the same way between his feelings for me & his loyalty to his Dad but I don't know what to do about the situation.