Funeral..should I stay or should i go?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2002
Funeral..should I stay or should i go?
7
Fri, 09-16-2011 - 3:20pm

Hi All-

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2008
Fri, 09-16-2011 - 5:29pm

I think if this is the funeral of someone you cared for, then you should go and pay your respects.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Fri, 09-16-2011 - 5:31pm

I think only you can decide ultimately.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2004
Sat, 09-17-2011 - 12:24am

If this is about paying respects, then do it NOW.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009
Sat, 09-17-2011 - 9:27am
If you want to go, go. Don't let a boyfriend of 3 months make up your mind for you. No telling what he won't be "comfortable" with next.

 

Avatar for deenow17
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2004
Sat, 09-17-2011 - 3:24pm
I can only provide my experience but not sure if it will help. I was engaged when my Dad died suddenly. I was totally committed to my fiance (we have been married 36 yrs). He had been in my life for 2 yrs & had gotten along well with Dad, he was with us the night Dad died & I was so thankful I had him to lean on.

However, it was an old boyfriend who showed up to the funeral home that held me while I finally broke down & cried. As soon as he held me to greet me, the tears started. Why, because he was the trigger that brought all the happy memories of us together with my Dad. My fiance didn't have that history. The tears were the release that helped me get through the rest of this time. I watched the same thing happen with my SIL when MIL died. She had a new partner of a few yrs but it was her ex husband that triggered her emotional release. She hadn't seen him in 5 yrs & certainly never planned on getting back together with him (she had discovered during their marriage that she was gay) but again the shared memories were the release she needed.

Yes, this may be difficult & only you can decide to go but it sounds like your ex would like you there. So you need to figure out what is best for you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2002
Wed, 09-21-2011 - 6:26pm

Thank you for the responses. It's funny because while a majority of the ivillage posters have leaned more on me going to the funeral, my family and friends feel that it is inappropriate now. His girlfriend is there to support him, and I need to realize that we have both moved on and his father knows that I have been heart broken since I learned his passing. The money for me to travel is an issue. I would have to buy a last minute plane ticket from CA to NJ and would only be staying for 2 days. I am not sure if i should personally call his mother next week and express my heartache and sympathy or leave it be. I have mailed a card and flowers which they should be getting tomorrow. The funeral is this friday and it seems that i wont be able to make it. I'm very sad and still feel i should be there but it might be too late.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Wed, 09-21-2011 - 7:28pm

I think if you give it some time and grieve it would be good.