Has anyone ever told their in-laws how they feel? And how did it go?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2005
Has anyone ever told their in-laws how they feel? And how did it go?
9
Sun, 01-22-2012 - 8:33am

Has anyone every told their in-laws how they feel and why?

Recently after

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004

I wish the best for you at your party today.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2008

Kheta,

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2005
Yes I told the In laws how I feel. It happened right after my mom had suddenly passed away. My now xmil started butting her nose into mom's estate. Our probate attorney ended up having to take a RO out on her. I was the administor for mom's estate & xmil was going to the court house every time I filed stuff with the court (she went as far as contacting all of the companies we owed money too & told them I wouldn't pay them) caused alot of problems for us (she told xh that she did this because he didn't make my sister & I go to her estate attorney or hired her realtor, we hired a hs classmate of mine dad for attorney & the realtor who had sold the home to our parents. Xmil went thur my parents house with xbil making plans on how to fix up my parents house & she would get her money back first & to hell with the estate & my sister & I. That was it, I told her that I had had it with her. I didn't like how she was acting & I wasn't going to allow her to take over or treat my sister & I like crap anymore. She was calling my sister in MN (my hometown is in WA state) & hasserring her ( my parents never liked xin laws). After xh & I split, I told xmil off. How she was a crappy grandma (my 3 dd's preferred my parents over xin laws) my 3 still to this day have no relationship with their last grandparent & it's due to how she still badmouths me to them.
~~Sam stitches well with others, runs with scissors in her pocket. Cheerful and stupid.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2007

My DH and I have both done that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-1998

I've never thought it made sense to just tell my MIL and the one SIL I dislike

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2003
We did...once. I wrote about it here years ago, called it the "summit". One big talk. My kids went to my moms, and we talked about how they treated us, the blatent favourtism of SIL over H, they wanted to talk about H's uncle (DU). Things got better for a bit, but then it all fell apart again.

I felt better that H stood up for us. The problem is that even if I spent a lot of time talking about this stuff, deep down MIL never saw that she did anything wrong. That there was no favourtism for SIL over H. That I was "hot and cold", and that most of this was on me. That DU was crazy, as was the rest of the family with whom they have broken off with. They like to triangulate, like to be emeshed. ANd FIL goes along with everything MIL says. And I get that too. But if he stood up for H once, maybe I would still be married to H. His parents put a lot of stress on us. We probably would not be, but who knows. He let it come between us, especially in the last 3 years of my marriage.

In the end, H and I are no longer together, and she has broken off all ties with me. And, I will predict that, after H breaks off with her (rather they decide they don't like his current and he tells them off - not today, but within the next 3 years), they will decide that now we can be friendly. Just so they can see my girls. My girls are not like their neices, they want to see them.

The more things change, the more they stay the same.......
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2001

You know I think anytime you are being confronted by a person who has a history of being embroiled in drama and chaos, it's important to step back and really assess the situation.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2008

You may be right about the dynamics of a dysfunctional family...

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2007

Yes. After a big blowup of which my SIL and MIL went nuts and were yelling at me I sat down and wrote my MIL a letter. Even used verbiage from Doctor Phil. I was respectful and I explained how I felt about that situation. A few weeks later she called and we talked. She basically held her ground and even told me that I shouldn't have written I expect the family to respect my feelings. Uugh!! I do NOT respect my in laws at all. I think they are very rude, critical people. If they could they would have the ex wife crawl up their butts. I am last. I will always be last. Hubby says he supports me but when pushed to stand up to them he becomes a little boy and will make excuses for them. Thank God I only have to see them a few times a year. Basically I live with it. You cannot change dysfunctional people. All you can do it take each situation at a time, stand up for yourself and leave if you have to. OR if your DH will allow it have him go to family events and you stay home. Not sure what else to say. People usually don't change. : (