He left me just now.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-09-2006
He left me just now.....
97
Fri, 12-01-2006 - 11:58pm

I'm new here. I joined a couple weeks ago to read about other people's problems with their ILs and tell myself that our problems weren't really that bad and we'd get through it all. My hands are shaking so bad and I'm about to lose it. Please help.

Four weeks ago, the Love of my life asked me if I cheated on him. I swear to you all just as I swore to him that I never have. He told me his family doesn't like me, so there must be something wrong with me. They've gotten along with his other girlfriends and wives even though they were scheming horrible women who took advantage of him, lied to him, cheated on him and ruined his life and credit. I love him so much because he has such a beautiful heart and I knew we would make this work. I would never hurt him, not in a million years.

They are telling him about horrible comments I've made that I have no recollection of. They are telling him that I've cheated with several men and they have "proof." When I proved that their "proof" was based on lies, he still chose to believe them, stating that they have his best interests at heart.

We've been together for over 16 months now, living together since January. We're both 32. I have four children whom he has loved and bonded with and they have loved him just as much. He came home tonight with his three brothers and a friend and moved every possession of his out and into a truck. My children and I sat on the stairs and cried.

I love him so much, we have such a wonderful life here. I left my job and family in Indy to move to Louisville, KY when he got a promotion this summer. We bought a house, a new car for him to work from, the kids love their new school....and he's gone. I have no one.

No, that's not right...I have my children and they have me....I've told them that quite a few times tonight already. Please help me. I know other couples have problems with ILs that are so much worse. I've read all the posts, I know. He says he loves me but he says he can't be torn between me and his family. He says I make him happy, happier than he's ever been. But if they don't like me, there's got to be good reason. I've tried to get along with them, really I have. We just don't have that much in common and I feel left out of every family gathering. Then they say I come off as a snob and they think I feel I'm better than them.

Can it really just come down to that? They don't like me....so it's over? Please. Please help me.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-09-2006
Mon, 01-15-2007 - 11:00am

Another update, for those of you that aren't yet completely disgusted by this sad story of mine.....

He called. He saw the DDHG website and profile. He was hurt. "Good!" I said. "That makes two of us." We've talked and he's told me he's miserable. He knows it was a mistake to leave, to walk away from the perfect woman and give up on a beautiful future. He wanted to know if counseling was still an option, if I was still willing to try.

It will be hard, there is so much to work out and so much to heal from. Our first appointment is tomorrow at 6pm. I can hear you all now, screaming at me! I'm screaming at myself, "What am I doing? Am I nuts? Giving him another chance, just so he can leave again, lie again, hurt me again....."

But this pain my children and I have endured the past six weeks, although undeserved and cruel, doesn't compare to the happiness we had and the happiness we'll have again if this works out. I love him, we were so good together. I have to try.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2006
Mon, 01-15-2007 - 11:24am

{{{hugs}}}

Please do not "give" him anything until he has had at least *several* sessions. Otherwise he's just using this to use you again. Let him show you his level of sincerity *BEFORE* you give him *any* level of trust.

Don't give him money, a place to stay, access to your kids, or sex. Not until he has *SHOWN* you that he is sincere.

Talk is cheap and actions speak louder. So wait until he *shows* you what he is instead of what he *tells* you he is.

, Hey, it *could* happen!

ilve2read

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-09-2006
Mon, 01-15-2007 - 11:36am
Thanks for not bashing me! I was at his apartment yesterday and we were talking. He asked for it but I stood my ground, no sex. "I love you and god knows I need it but no." Late last night, after the kids were in bed, I called him and told him if he wanted to come over and spend the night, he could, but nothing would happen. I just wanted to hold him and be held. We slept together and we cried. No sex, but it was good to be together again. I won't tell the kids til after counseling has been working out for a few sessions. We're taking it slow. We have so much to get through. Thanks for the good wishes.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2002
Tue, 01-16-2007 - 12:00am
Tell him that the first step towards showinghe has chagned and is committed is to give back allt he money that he stole from the accounts. THEN start the process of trying to reunite.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2004
Tue, 01-16-2007 - 1:17am
Yeah well said!
Seriously, if he's that keen on making "things work" again then he should be willing to financially compensate for all he took. Oh please! I am sorry to rain on your parade but this guy is not good news. I hope time proves me wrong, but I would be surprised if he does change and doesnt betray you again.
And I am frankly shocked that there would even be any talk of sex!! He must have some gall. Please dont sacrifice your self-respect for this low-life. Give him 6 months to prove that he has changed, before you start trusting him again.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Tue, 01-16-2007 - 3:04pm

HeyGang.

Lurker here who has ben reading this thread and for what it is worth. I feel like I am reading a book. Not quite a romance novel because it isn't. But a trashy novel worthy of Sandra Brown or similar authors. Where the heroine continues ro make the wrong decisions until the hero comes along. This girl here. Sounds more like a vicitm of abuse or something. The fact that some of the stuff that comes up to me just is making me go hmmm. I would love to see someone truly verify the facts in this thread. I would love to know if this guy is being honest at all. And if your writer is too. I am sorry to be such a well superstious person but I have read too many trashy novels not to well see some red flags here. I could be wrong but still.

Rina

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2006
Tue, 01-16-2007 - 7:12pm

Hey my3sonsjej,

I have to say that I tend to agree with you. No offense to the original poster if she has been sincere, but I find these posts to be just a little too far out there. It makes me wonder if the poster or if her BF are really, well, real people or if this is just a hoax or something. In fact, let us hope it is some hoax or stretch of the imagination because it sounds like a pretty awful situation.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2004
Tue, 01-16-2007 - 7:18pm
I am not one to doubt what someone posts. Although we as outsiders may seem incredulous of someone's choices, I think that we've all probably been in bad situations where we want something to work, even if we know deep down inside that it can't. I for one have said many times "I will give him one last chance," and that chance turns into another chance into another chance. It's amazing how much we will tolerate and how at some point we finally decide that we've had enough, find our self-confidence battered in the corner somewhere, decide to dust it off, and get on with life. Sophie may not be ready to leave this man yet. I feel like she should, but if she wants to give it another shot, that's her right. Sophie, I hope that he will make concrete steps to show that he is not only sorry but that he will do what he must to make this right. He should have his tail between his legs now and only time will tell if he is able to come through with his promises. I hope that if he backs off, you will end this for good. Like I said before, go back and read your posts. You don't deserve to go through this any longer. Peace.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2004
Tue, 01-16-2007 - 8:35pm
I agree as well. I have been posting to this thread, but also been skeptical of the authenticity. I do hope it's not all true because it'a a darn awful situation to be in.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2006
Thu, 02-08-2007 - 1:25pm

Sophie,


I just wanted to see how you and your children are doing!

 

 

 

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