He left me just now.....
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| Fri, 12-01-2006 - 11:58pm |
I'm new here. I joined a couple weeks ago to read about other people's problems with their ILs and tell myself that our problems weren't really that bad and we'd get through it all. My hands are shaking so bad and I'm about to lose it. Please help.
Four weeks ago, the Love of my life asked me if I cheated on him. I swear to you all just as I swore to him that I never have. He told me his family doesn't like me, so there must be something wrong with me. They've gotten along with his other girlfriends and wives even though they were scheming horrible women who took advantage of him, lied to him, cheated on him and ruined his life and credit. I love him so much because he has such a beautiful heart and I knew we would make this work. I would never hurt him, not in a million years.
They are telling him about horrible comments I've made that I have no recollection of. They are telling him that I've cheated with several men and they have "proof." When I proved that their "proof" was based on lies, he still chose to believe them, stating that they have his best interests at heart.
We've been together for over 16 months now, living together since January. We're both 32. I have four children whom he has loved and bonded with and they have loved him just as much. He came home tonight with his three brothers and a friend and moved every possession of his out and into a truck. My children and I sat on the stairs and cried.
I love him so much, we have such a wonderful life here. I left my job and family in Indy to move to Louisville, KY when he got a promotion this summer. We bought a house, a new car for him to work from, the kids love their new school....and he's gone. I have no one.
No, that's not right...I have my children and they have me....I've told them that quite a few times tonight already. Please help me. I know other couples have problems with ILs that are so much worse. I've read all the posts, I know. He says he loves me but he says he can't be torn between me and his family. He says I make him happy, happier than he's ever been. But if they don't like me, there's got to be good reason. I've tried to get along with them, really I have. We just don't have that much in common and I feel left out of every family gathering. Then they say I come off as a snob and they think I feel I'm better than them.
Can it really just come down to that? They don't like me....so it's over? Please. Please help me.

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Wow, I didn't know anything about the last several posts. Hi, sorry for disappearing. I was staying quiet, concentrating on work and my kids, sure that you were all disgusted with this sad story and not wanting any more updates. A "romance novel?"....I could only wish I were making this up.
It's over. Again. Forever. It's been absolute hell and if I were reading this post as an outsider, I would be appalled too. We went to counseling twice. Two hours of telling the therapist all about the history, the doubts, the lies, the betrayal, the promises and the financial mess he's created. Things were good. For two weeks. The 16th and the 23rd we were there, talking, crying, starting the process of getting through this. He promised me and the therapist that he was committed to working on his trust issues, working on making things right, he understood he needed help and he wanted to make our relationship good again.
Yeah, whatever. I haven't seen him since the 28th of January. Overnight, for no reason, he wouldn't return my emails, answer his phone...I swear I thought I was in high school or something! What kind of man actually plays these games? I used my phone at work to call him on Monday the 5th. He acts surprised to hear from me! He says he's been thinking, he's got some things on his mind....he'll come over later that night and we'll talk about it. Guess what. He never showed. Duh, right?
I went to counseling by myself. The therapist told me it was time to make a decision. What kind of person was I going to "let" him turn me into? I am not a scared, needy, insecure little girl, desperate for the affections of a man who couldn't care less about me. But that's what I had become....and I realized that I hated him for making me feel that way. I left that night feeling so empowered. I wrote Derick the A$$hole one last email....
"You are out of your f***ing mind if you think I'm going to let you play these games. It's over, I'm done. I want my ring back and I want you out of my life forever. There are no more second chances for you. It's over."
That was the 6th of February, 2007. The day my life started again. This has been a sick, twisted story. A sad commentary on the powerful influence of evil in-laws, the destruction that doubting and jealousy cause and the underlying truth that when all is said and done...LOVE ALONE IS NOT ENOUGH.
I'm going to Indy tomorrow to look at a couple rental houses and apartments with my mother. My kids are excited and sad at the same time, but the excitement grows and the sadness fades a little every day. I always wanted to write. I spent so much of high school writing poems and short stories, like most girls, I guess. Once I get settled back home, I'll have to start on something real....put this horrible chapter of my life on paper and finally be done with it. Thanks for all your support, even the doubters...I appreciate your honesty.
Hey. I wish you the best of luck. I hope that counseling works. It worked for my DH and I . I hope that you do the right thing for yourself and your children. I wish you the best and keep us updated.
Laura
Sophie,
I'm so sorry that things didn't work out like you had imagined they would.
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Thanks for the reply, Lissa. Life does suck! Really really bad, sometimes. But then, when I see my four happy, healthy, beautiful children, I know that life is good and no man with a paranoid fixation on my faithfullness, a screwed-up clinginess to his mommy and no personal decision-making abilities will hold me back!!! I wish you the best and I hope the relationship that you have now stays healthy and good for you.
I'm in Indy this weekend, spending time with mom and signing the lease on my new apartment. It's gonna be a fun few weeks coming up, full of packing, moving and moving in. I called the bank and told them they can pick up the car anytime they want. I'll call the mortgage company and tell them they can take possession as soon as I know when I'll be out for good. I already got a job here in Indy and my kids are excited about a new school. (Did I mention I have the best kids in the world???) I'll be better than ever.
Men who come complete with dysfunctional, toxic family members cause so much heartache. But wallowing in the pain gives them even more power over us and they don't deserve it. Break free, find yourself, grow and love and take care of what's really important. Your own heart, your own happiness.
Just an update...
Things are going really good. I'm excited to be going back home. We're boxing everything up and getting the house in order for the foreclosure. It's sad but I know it will be okay. My kids and I are going to be great!
Does everyone remember the "Don't Date Him, Girl" website? I put Derick's profile back on there after he stood me up on our last counseling session. Now he has his family posting comments on it. You can tell how ignorant and uneducated they are from their posts...it's comical. They don't know about iVillage and I really don't want them reading these posts....I don't feel they're good enough for the iVillage community, honestly.
But if you have a minute, go read the posts and add one if you like....those of you who know me from this board. They are saying horrible things like I don't love my children, I adopted them just for the $$, that I am or was a prostitute, that I tried to trap him with a fake pregnancy. It's all quite sad.
I have learned so much from your stories and advice. Dealing with in-laws could be a national crisis, if the country wasn't already dealing with so much else. But this community talks and listens and does a wonderful job supporting one another. I wish everyone love and peace and happy relations!
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