How to deal with a rude mother-in-law ?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2003
How to deal with a rude mother-in-law ?
Wed, 08-06-2003 - 11:46am
?? – My mother-in-law for 2 years now is sooo rude. Everyone knows it – even her husband & my husband. But everyone puts up with her rudeness just to keep her happy & to keep peace. Because if she isn’t happy – no one is happy and no one talks. Which is the case now. Neither she nor my husband’s father has called for two weeks now. His father always stops by to chitchat – but not during the last 2 weeks.

Here is the last event: It was my birthday and my mother in law was having the traditional birthday supper. She always cooks your favorite meal – very nice of her I admit. Well, here it is “my” birthday and as almost usual she was in one of her “not so nice” moods. For an hour my father-in-law, husband and I sat in the family room having a very nice conversation while she was finishing up my birthday meal. Everything my husband talked about – she came back with a snappy or degrading remark to him. They were at each other’s throats and everyone kept getting on pins and needles. For one thing – here I was watching and listening someone (I don’t care if it is his mother) degrade and knock my husband for no reason. Finally it was the sit down to suppertime – everyone very much on edge!! Then there they go again – I lost my appetite waited to see if it calmed down – it did not. I quietly got up from the table, went to the family room to get my purse, walked out the back door and walked home (4 blocks). My husband realized that I had left and walked after me and asked me what he was supposed to do? I said I don’t know that is your mother and it is my birthday and I am 43 years old and don’t have to put up with your mom or anyone talking to you like that. I told him I wasn’t mad at him. He went back and was home within 5 minutes. His mom and dad haven’t called since. And I am sure they won’t until I apologize - which is always the case. I have to apologize for her behavior to keep peace. Should I do this again?????

Avatar for mom2danjam
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 08-06-2003 - 12:10pm
Why should YOU apologize? I wouldn't. And if they do not like it, they could stay gone.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2001
Wed, 08-06-2003 - 2:00pm
I totally agree. After all she ruined your birthday or at least part of it. If she wants to be a butt then that's her problem. I had many fights with my MIL for the first three years of my marriage ans I NEVER apologized once for anything, since I wasn't the one who started the fight and I wasn't the one who was trying to ruin my marriage. She was. She is so in the wrong here and I wouldn't apologize for anything. Life is too short to have to kiss butt just because she threw a tantrum. :P on her. LOL.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 08-06-2003 - 10:04pm
Well, there is one thing you could do if you felt like it. You could thank her for preparing the meal.

But I don't think you'll want to spend your next birthday over there.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 08-07-2003 - 1:03am
Hi tessa60, welcome!!!

I don't think you did anything wrong and I think your MIL owes your DH an apology. She shouldn't be talking that way to her son and no one should have to listen to that.

As far as doing it again, the next time I would challenge her about her comments. I would ask her "Why do you feel that way?" "Why would someone say such a thing?" and see what she says. Or say "Excuse me?" and she will have to repeat herself. Maybe if you challenge her, she will have to re-think what she is saying or dig a bigger hole for herself.

Good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2003
Thu, 08-07-2003 - 2:22am
I would not appologize for it you don't need to, I say if that keeps up don't have her over and you should not have to put up with that,and I am not trying to sound to harsh but I am dealing with 2 inlaws that I just had enoth with . I am still recovering from that last stunt that my Mother-in-Law pulled and I just don't trust her to pull more crap. Take care .