How I get to spend Mother's Day...
Find a Conversation
| Thu, 05-03-2007 - 3:12pm |
Okay, I have a little problem with the way that Mother's Day is being handled this year. I explained a little bit about my situation in the "What's the worst your in-laws have done to you" topic. To make a long story short, my husband and I cut ties with my two SILs back in September due to some pretty harsh and rude lies they told about me. We have not talked to them in 8 months and it will remain that way forever if need be. The lies and malice still continues with them even after 8 months, to the point of trying to make my life as uncomfortable as possible in every aspect...whether it is friends, family, work, personal life, etc. Up to speed now...we have talked with his parents and brothers/their wives about the situation and the imapct it has made on our lives, and everyone is completely fed up with the way that everything has been handled by the sisters. It seems like there should be a new reason every week as to why they should all hate me, and it has just started to drain the rest of the family as well and has really started to make them ALL feel uncomfortable.
Back around Christmas time, my husband called one of the SILs(the one who does not understand that cutting ties means COMPLETELY) and told her that until she is ready to patch things up with me, apologize and patch things up with him as well, to not even think of him as a brother...and that he could tell that her attempts at secluding me from the family while still including him were obvious and he would not tolerate it. Kudos to him for that...but they still don't get the hint. The one SIL, mostly. And a couple weeks ago, when we found out from my son's teacher at school that the one SIL has been working on her as well to try and defame my character, my husband sent an e-mail to both of them letting them know exactly what HE expected out of them and the behavior needs to stop. And even I met up with the worst SIL and tried to talk to her to let her know that the lies hurt not only hubby and I but our son too, but after about 3 minutes, she cussed me out and told me that I better "watch myself" and threatened to slap me. She takes medication and stuff for aggressive behavior--but that's a whole different story.
After all that, this year for Mother's Day one of his sisters(the one I talked to) is hosting a lunch and celebration at her house for all the mothers in the family. I am not invited of course, but my husband and son are. I know my husband wants to be there for his mother. But dammit, doesn't cutting off mean "for any reason"? I mean, isn't it pretty obvious that they are trying to get him secluded from me just to make me mad or hurt? They know that I am pregnant and it means a lot to me to have my son and husband with me on Mother's Day. I feel that maybe someone else should feel the suffering for once. Maybe his mother should feel the pain of not having her son around when he was invited because of her daughters' unjustified hatred towards other people. With Mother's Day coming up in a little over a week, the sister wants an e-mail response of who is coming so she can prepare. I think my husband should tell her to go F off again and if anything, stop by the house to wish his mother a happy Mother's Day and that he had to go because he wanted to be with his pregnant wife on Mother's Day and she was not invited.
I guess the thing that really bothers me the most is they are too stupid and self centered to realize that the stuff they pulled on me not only hurt me but my husband too. And it continues to hurt us as well because it has not stopped. They will stop at nothing to make me as uncomfortable as they can in my own skin. And they are too dumb to realize that my husband is offended, saddenned and disgusted by their continued behavior. I try to keep calm and tell myself that we as a family are better than this to let this bother us, but I have never been involved in anything like this in my entire life. I have never fought with a friend or a family member and rarely fight with my husband. But I am ready to pull my hair out because I can't take it anymore.
What do you all think about the Mother's Day situation? Do I sound selfish by asking my husband to spend the day with my son and I? Normally he would feel receptive to my feelings, but this is his "MOMMY" we are talking about...that's a whole different league. She gets upset at everything and anything and I know my husband is not looking for a fight with her because she will let everyone in the family know that she was pissed off and offended by him not coming. And you could just imagne the BS that would come out of that with his sisters.

Pages
The woman who is going to have his baby deserves his allegiance, IMO. He can see his Mom on Mothers Day at her own house, either before or after the sister's event. He should stay miles away from the sister's house, IMO. Even showing up for one minute to see his mom there will thrill his sister to no end, and fuel her passion to pull even more stunts. His mom is sitting back and watching her crazy children to be cruel to each other, and she may have to suffer some consequences from that.
Let him take his Mom some flowers a couple of hours before the event. Then he should spend the day making sure you are happy, comfortable, and calmly growing his baby without the stress of his relatives. As a father himself, he can still pay his respects to his own mother, but his primary responsibility is to HIS family (wife and kids), being there with his kids and teaching them how to treat their Mom on Mothers Day.
What have you planned for your mother?
I agree with the pps. If he goes, he is telling them he is not serious. They win. I think he needs to call MIL and tell her why he can't be there and that the two of you would like to take her out to dinner Saturday night instead. If that's not good enough, oh well.
Terri
"show up with you DH and DS, with a smile on your face"
This can be a winning strategy with some people. And it takes guts and maturity to pull it off. But I would not attempt it with a woman who screams at me in front of my kid or threatens to hit me. Kid doesn't need to see that.
Unfortunately my parents have lived over 1,000 miles away for over ten years now and it is very rare that we see each other for holidays like this. My poor mother gets a card, some kind of perennial delivered and a phone call...which is really the only thing you can make of a situation like that. Thanks to me she has a beautiful garden in her back yard. Ah well...
The two SILs pulled this crap for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day as well, not inviting me and it was no questions asked that we just got in the car and drove to Georgia to be with my family for a couple weeks. But this is different because it is "MAMA". The selfish old battle axe is 62 years old and will still hate the world at the drop of a dime.
Pardon my anger, and I never speak angrily to my husband about anyone in his family, but I just wish my husband would grab his sisters by the hair and--well.....you know...
Pages