HOW MUCH MORE DO WE HAVE TO TAKE !!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2007
HOW MUCH MORE DO WE HAVE TO TAKE !!
17
Wed, 04-25-2007 - 12:56pm

My inlaws have completely fell off there rockers !!! I can no longer put up with these selfish , manipulative ,lying people. We are not only fighting my Husbands parents , but his sister to. I have not spoken to my inlaws in over year . The reason for that is I had some serious family problems that I had to cope with and help out with about a year ago . What had happen was kept private for the person who was going through it and we were not willing to talk about it with anyone . Well My inlaws have always been the engulfing type , there is absolutely no privacy when it comes to them . They are very nosy !! To make a long story short a big arguement was started about my mother in law questioning me about the situation that was going on and one thing led to another and we havent spoke in year.

The relationship with these people has always been rocky from day one . My husband can not get along with them either . Its there way or no way !! When we ask for them to leave us alone and give us some space they threatend us with grandparent rights , well that really threw us over the edge . Who do they think they are ? and why do they think they are intitled to our child . well my husband and I came to an agreement that they could see our child maybe once a month that included maybe spending the night or hanging out for the day . That went on for a while , until my mother in law decided to throw our child a secret birthday party at her home . My husband and I decided to only have a small party with just the three of us when it came time for our childs birthday . My husbands sister called a week or so before our childs birthday and wanted to get him for the night on saturday and stay until sunday . She told my husband that she may take him out to dinner for our childs birthday and he said that would be fine . After he got off the phone i said " they better not have a birthday party for our child " and he said they wouldnt do that . I said oh yes they would !! The reason for me to be so suspicous is because my mother inlaw called the next night and was like im having one of my family dinners again this sunday and would like our grandchild to be there .My Husband said ok , that sister was getting our son on saturday and that he would not pick our son up until 5pm sunday . well needless to say my husband goes to pick up our son and he walks into a full blown birthday party . He kept his composure and left with our son . When he returned home and i was told what had happened and i was irate . Who do they think they are ? My husband called them and told them how he felt and do you know what his mother said come on now that was not a birthday party . Do i have to tell you everytime we are going to do something for our grandson .well the argument was point less and it ended up with her saying Do you know i could have had your wife arrested for calling me a bitch a year ago and so on and so on ... They never see there behavior as insulting , disrespectful or untolerable .

The main reason for my post is that my father inlaw showed up at my husbands work yesterday demanding to know when they are going to see there grandchild and my husbands reply was when i feel like bringing him down there . My father inlaw started in on you dont even go and see your grandparents and so on and so on . Needless to say my father inlaw was pissed and also turned around and called my husband on his cell phone and left a message saying we need to settle this situation , you need to either call me or if your man enough bring your self down here so we can discuss this . These people are nuts . My husband is 30 years old and has his father showing up at work running his big mouth infront of other employees . I asked my husband how that made him feel and he said that he is embarassed that they dont care who they do this crap in front of . Its insane and i dont know what to do . I do not think our son should be around people like this , but if we keep him away than we will end up in court with them fighting us for vistitation and in most cases where we live there will be some sort of visitation granted . I have really had enough and so has my husband . Please give me some advice as to how to handle this .

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2007
Wed, 04-25-2007 - 1:36pm

Still having troubles with them huh?
Big hugs to you. They sound like an absolute nightmare.

I remember your previous post
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-rldealingwit&msg=7380.1&ctx=128

It sounds to me like you hubby is on the same side as you with this, so you're not on your own.

If I were you I'd ask him to say a very firm ENOUGH. If you want to take us to court then go ahead.

It's all just hot air.

Bridget xx

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2007
Wed, 04-25-2007 - 1:52pm
Hey , Yes we are still dealing with these insane people !!! Everytime we turn around its something . They will never leave well enough alone . What is the obsession with our child ? To me its obsessive ! When confronting them we get no where . They never see what they do and say as being wrong . Its all about them . We went to marriage counseling when this all started and the counselor said that they have narcisitic personality traits. That means that they will never see a problem with what they do and say and it will always be about them and there needs and feelings . She said that these are the hardest people to get accross to and it may take cutting them off completely in order to live a healthy and happy life , but my husband is having a hard time with completely cutting them off . Im just sick and tired of dealing with such ignorance !!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-25-2007
Wed, 04-25-2007 - 2:01pm
That's just nuts!!! I'm so sorry you're having to deal with these people! They are way out of line!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2006
Wed, 04-25-2007 - 2:46pm
They are the grandparents....they have NO NO NO rights to your child. Not now, not ever. I think that your inlaws are insane. If I was your Dh, I would've had his butt arrested for showing up at my place of employment like that. GOOD LUCK
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2007
Wed, 04-25-2007 - 2:53pm
Hi , The worst part about the whole situation with father inlaw coming to work is that my husbands boss is his mothers 3rd cousin . So, basically he feels he can do what he pleases . Its crazy and I dont see it stopping anytime soon .
Avatar for cl_mugalug
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 04-25-2007 - 4:03pm

No you won't. There are no Grandparent rights anymore. They would have to prove that it wouldn't be in your son's best interest to keep him from them and they can't. If anything you can prove its in his best interest to never see them again since they undermine you and threaten you.

http://supct.law.cornell.edu/supct/html/99-138.ZS.html

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2007
Wed, 04-25-2007 - 7:08pm
"Grandparents rights" has been constitutionally challenged and LOST!! There are NO grandparent's rights. You have a constitutional right to raise your children as you see fit, and do not have to allow them to see your child. You are misinformed about this. Stand your ground, let them consult an attorney, and they will be set straight. YOU have all the power here. You can set boundaries with them. I'm not suggesting that you use your child as a hostage to their behavior, but since you can't stand to be around them as it is, I see nothing wrong with saying we will not be bringing our child around you until we can all agree on some boundaries!!

Cat 

Mom to 5: DS-17, DD-16, DD-11, DD-9, DS-7

Community Leader
Registered: 01-03-2004
Thu, 04-26-2007 - 1:00pm

Lvnlife,


Your in-laws are trying to control you plain and simple. They have no legal standing to demand "visitation rights" with your son.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Fri, 04-27-2007 - 9:53am
I agree with Melissa. There are no grandparents' rights and you do not have to bring your child around these people if you don't want to. Being a grandparent is a privilege, not a right.



iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2007
Fri, 04-27-2007 - 11:30am
I would have a good talk in length with dh and tell him that as far as you are concerned,you and your child are off limits with his parents until they can respect the boundaries that you have placed,no ifs buts or ands.YOU are the parent not them and they can either accept it or not.By not accepting your boundaries,they are showing everyone their lack of respect for family values and that they cannot be trusted.Dh can deal with them but personally you and your child dont.

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