I am sooo angry! Help me....

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2005
I am sooo angry! Help me....
24
Mon, 07-10-2006 - 9:36pm
I have posted on this board on occasion about my kids and grandparent-in-laws. But now my dad is in a rehabilitation/nursing home setting after 3 TIAs (mini-strokes), has been diagnosed with Alzhiemer's disease, and advanced cancer of the bladder, adrenal glands, and lungs. My mother's breast cancer came back just a few weeks ago. My dads timeline to live is 6 months. My moms cancer doctor says she has 6 months to decide what to do. My in-laws are constantly asking how much I will receive after their deaths. How morbid is this???? One thing, it is none of their business, but they will not LET IT GO! I DO NOT WANT THESE PEOPLE AT THE FUNERAL HOME WHEN THE TIME COMES! Dear hubbys mom said, "he has money, doesn't he?" What does it matter to her??? I will either get $10.00 or 3 million. Why are my inlaws sooo determined to find out what I get? My parents are more valuable to me alive than dead. Any thoughts on this situation? Should I advise my lawyer as to what is going on, or what?
Thanks ahead for any and all advice. I sure need it. By the way, it's been me living at the hospital and nursing home for 10-12 hour days. My sister shows up 1 day a week on weekends for just a few hours, and my mom shows up on occasion when she feels "up-to-it", because her breast cancer came back, and she will not tell dad for fear of worry. My in-laws keep asking, "Well, is she just going to die? How much will you get?" Any thoughts on this? Has anyone's in-laws want to know about death/or/benefits?
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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-23-2003
Mon, 07-10-2006 - 10:27pm

What planet did these idiot's drop from?

What a cruel and heartless thing to bring up to you!! Where the hell does your MIL get off talking to you this way?

Next time they start their crap, you look them level in the eyes and without expression say, "Hopefully enough to run the hell away from here".

Priceless, and they will get the point, if not, the next time they ask look at your IL's and say with a smile, "Enough to bury the both of you".

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Mon, 07-10-2006 - 10:37pm

I'm so sorry to hear about your parents. Wow, what a rough time for you! Do you have people to talk to and/or ways to "decompress"?

As for the in-laws, maybe just *one* response of, "I'd much rather have my parents, alive and well!" then *everytime* they bring it up, turn and walk away with no reaction.

Is your DH any help to you? Emotionally, too?

Has he said anything to them? Like to back the f&%^ off. If they won't "get it", then I strongly suggest you limit or stop contact with them and anyone else who sucks your energy away.

Take care of yourself, too.

{{{hugs}}}

lve2read

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-01-2006
Tue, 07-11-2006 - 7:17am

I am really sorry to hear about your parents. That's really tough.

As far as your inlaws go, this blows me away. It amazes me how people can be so insensitive and stupid. I agree with other posters. Express your love and concern for your parents and don't address any money you may be inheriting. Why your inlaws worry so much about that is beyond me. I would even go so far as to tell them it's not of their business if they ask again. What does your DH say about this?

Again, I'm really sorry about your parents. Take good care of yourself.

Madalot

When I insist that I am 'right," I slam the door of my mind.  I remain locked in past

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2005
Tue, 07-11-2006 - 8:22am
Thank you all for your support. I really need it. As for my in-laws, I will not be seeing or speaking to them for a l-o-n-g time. DH has been soo wonderful to me this whole time. My kids have been great in helping me out with the housework, chores, and errand running for me. My daughter will be 19 in August, and my son will be 16 in a couple of weeks. (Of course, my inlaws favor SIL children since they were born. Mine do not exist). That has been a HUGE thorn in my side for years. And now this big issue of money from my parents deaths, and saying it while they are both still alive.
I'm sure I will be venting more here as time goes on, because inlaws will probably become vultures when the time gets a little closer for my dad. Thanks so much for the hugs and support. I will let you all know what happens.
Keleigh
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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-21-2004
Tue, 07-11-2006 - 2:05pm

Wow, what clueless, insensitive people. I'm surprised you haven't run them down in the driveway. It's amazing how the thought of inheriting some money brings out the worst in people. But I don't get why they are worried about it, they aren't in the will.

I would simply answer something along the lines of, "Why would you keep asking such a thing? No amount could possibly make up for the pain of losing my parents." If they ask again after that simply stare at them blankly and walk away. Now if that doesn't work then there is always the car in the driveway. :-)

I would also have DH tell them that because of their behavior they are not welcome at the funeral. If they show up they will be escorted out.

I'm sorry for what your going through. I lost my dad 20 years ago and I know how painfull it is.

Terri

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2005
Tue, 07-11-2006 - 2:21pm

Keleigh,

Sending you good vibes~~I went thru some of the same things when my parents passed away (dad in '86 & mom '96) my xmil went as far as trying to force my sister & I into hiring her attorney (we hired the dad of one of my high school classmates) the real estate who sold the house to our folks (my sister picked him) she was going to the courthouse and going thru the estate paper work every time we did something, she called all of the companies/business that my mom owed money too telling them that I wasn't going to pay them (some who had already been paid off) just caused alot of problems for me as the personal rep of the estate (I had to leave a note at my mom's house telling the restate agents that my xmil was not allowed on the property) we had to threaten her with a RO. Thats what finally got it thru to her to mind her own darn business.

My dad had prostate cancer and xfil made a comment that he wouldn't be wasting money trying to stay alive like that, but since then he has had 3 bipass surgeries, 2 anunmisms surgeries and something else~~I so wanted to tell him off.

I would just tell your In-laws that your not going to talk about any of this with them and that they need to just mind their own business.

Sam




Edited 7/11/2006 2:47 pm ET by busdriversam
~~Sam stitches well with others, runs with scissors in her pocket. Cheerful and stupid.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-21-2004
Tue, 07-11-2006 - 2:39pm

Gee Sam, How awfull. You have now made me so glad that my Mom spent all her money on video tapes. The only place that will benefit from her death is Goodwill. :-)

Terri

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2005
Tue, 07-11-2006 - 2:57pm

Y'know since I divorced their piece of garbage son, she wants to be friends with me ("after all your the mother of 3 of my granddaughters" I've had to change my cell phone number & house number to get her to leave me alone) when xh & I were going thru our divorce she wrote me that "I had ruined xh & 3 dd's lives" whatever (he was abusive not I, he had affairs not I~~he tried to murder me infront of youngest dd not I~~not sure how I ruined his life~~but whatever. I can't stand the woman, never have never will. She lives in my hometown, and that is one reason I didn't move back there after my mom passed away.

Sam

~~Sam stitches well with others, runs with scissors in her pocket. Cheerful and stupid.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Tue, 07-11-2006 - 6:32pm
Wow... that's unfathomable. That's absolutely horrific actually. What does your husband say about it?
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2005
Tue, 07-11-2006 - 7:30pm
Hubby has been wonderful all this time. He was furious with his parents. He said he did not want to discuss it. They asked again, he said the same thing. Then he walked out the door. I say good for him. I also told DH that I do NOT want his parents at the funeral home, and it doesn't matter if it is my dad or mom who is deceased. He agreed with me. I will probably be on his familys sh*t list for awhile, but I don't care. Been on it before, what's one more time?
Thank you all for your support and hugs! I really needed you and you were all there for me.
Love,
Keleigh
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