I thought I heard it All.....

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anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
I thought I heard it All.....
12
Mon, 07-30-2012 - 6:59am

So DH was talking to his dad this weekend and the subject of weddings came up (it was the weekend of his nephew's weddding, FIL and MIL didn't attend either and they WERE invited, Another kind of crazy in itself really!).  Anyway, His dad opens up to tell DH that they forged their parents signatures on the marriage certificate so they could get married when they did, He was 17 and his mom was 15 or 16, This was many years ago but still....  It shocked DH and it stuns me too, Why would you announce that to your kid, And second, the LIE which is something that still exists in parts of their lives. 

This is just another thing about inlaws I don't get, Thanks for reading my Vent! 

Avatar for deenow17
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2004
Mon, 07-30-2012 - 11:04am
Maybe it's been bothering your FIL for a long time & he needed to talk to someone about it. Your DH is an adult now & I'm assuming his father wanted his opinion.

I'm wondering if they are legally married?????

Dee
Avatar for elc11
Community Leader
Registered: 06-16-1998
Mon, 07-30-2012 - 8:47pm

Interesting that your dh never heard this story before now. Obviously your dh's grandparents knew and probably other relatives of those two generations, I'd expect that somebody would have talked about it sometime. I guess I don't think its such a weird thing for your FIL to tell his adult son. I wouldn't expect him to tell dh when he was still a minor, but at this point its one of those things that makes for a funny, if odd, family story.

I don't see it like they're "living a lie"...yes they forged the signatures but then they stayed married--what, 40 years or something?-- and raised a family etc so they certainly fulfulled the intent of a marriage. I suppose that technically they should have married again when they were old enough to do so without parental consent. At least they had the formality of a wedding...just imagine if FIL told dh that they had just been "shacked up" for all of these years?!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2008
Wed, 08-01-2012 - 12:38pm

I guess I agree with some of the others that maybe fil was just sharing something with his son.  I learned that all adults usually have something hiding in their closet.  My own dad (I learned after he died) had a child by another lady before he married my mom and had my sister, brother and I.  It was a crazy and surprising discovery.

 

I hope I wouldn't but if it was something I'd found out about my fil I'd probably be much more judgmental.  Why?  Because they've treated me like crap.  If they had shown me love then I would have shown them support - I guess that's what you are feeling.

 

 

Avatar for mahopac
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-1997
Wed, 08-01-2012 - 4:18pm

I agree - I think family lore like this is kind of fun - in fact that story seems quite romantic to me, not something that constitutes a marriage based on lies!

My grandfather on Dad's side changed the year on his birth certificate so he could join the Navy - at age 14!  Back in the early 1900s that was possible.  We always thought it showed great determination and fortitude for a 14yo boy to try to pass for 19 (and succeed) - we never thought of him as lying, we thought of him as having courage and ambition.

My grandmother on Mom's side used to lie about her age because she married a man younger than her.  He knew how old she was, but she didn't think it was necessary for anyone else to know.

That's quite different from my sister's ex-husband, who told her he was 6 years older than her, when he was really 13 years older.  She didn't find out until she was already pregnant, our parents were pressuring them to marry, and THEN she saw his birth certificate.  Now THAT is not acceptable. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2007
Wed, 08-01-2012 - 4:46pm
I find it cute as well and it reminded me of the time I found out my grandmother didn't graduate high school. I was a bit shocked at first, yes, but I found her story funny. She was one of the first students allowed to do a type of Co-op course where you work and earn credit. Her last semester she was only supposed to do the co-op and would be good to graduate but they changed the rules on her the last year and she needed 1 extra English credit...ONE! She was livid and dropped out but she's done really well for herself.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2004
Sun, 08-05-2012 - 2:49pm

I sometimes think people just go a little nutty for a few minutes now and then.  My son-in-law's mother died a few years ago.  She and SIL's father were nuts about each other even into their 80's.  FIL got quite sick last Thanksgiving, so my DD and SIL flew to Arizona to visit him in the hospital.  While there, he told SIL that he had "only married mom because he was at an age where he thought he should get married and that she was just OK as a wife." 

I met the two of them on several occasions, and they were an example of what long-term love and affection should be.  I absolutely believe "dad" didn't mean what he said in the hospital, but SIL was quite taken back to hear his father saying he didn't ever love his mother.  I think he was just blowing smoke to be a tough guy, because he misses her and doesn't want anybody to feel sorry for him for having lost her.  I think he "just went nuts" and blurted out something stupid...which it sounds like your FIL also did.  You're right...what a nutty thing to announce to your kid even if he is all grown up now!