I'll bet your MIL cant top this one!
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| Sun, 02-25-2007 - 3:15am |
This one is worth reading..
I've got a very strange situation. My soon-to-be MIL has (in the past) had full financial control over my fiances finances. At first I found out that she had a couple of credit cards in his name (that he said she used for his benefit when he was in college).
Next I find out that she fraudulently created a payroll for contract work to be done for her company in HIS name! She apparently did do the work, but could not put it in her name.
Next I find out that when his great-grandmother died that the MIL and his grandparents, uncle etc decided to put the home in his name when he was younger(and the MORTGAGE LOAN TOO)! They would always have him refinance so that they could get money out of it. And apparently his mother's name was on the deed with him )but the loan was in his name. There was also another home that she tried to get in his name.
I saw a 20/20 news story on this where people will use their kids' names and social security numbers to rack up a bunch of debt (even in the name of infants and toddlers)!. I think this is that kind of situation. He was a teenager when they put the home in his name.
He has been slowly but surely cutting all of these financial ties with her. This is something he wanted to do before he proposed. So....here is the current situation...
A year ago, he got her to take his name off of the payroll (only after the IRS seized money out of his bank account--he didnt even know that the MIL created any liabilities in his name. She hadnt even dealt with the taxes, (and this was left over from when he was still in college!)
And just before he proposed, he finally got the house taken care of. He told her (and the family) that either they could take over the house or he was just going to sell it. Period. He wants to get a place locally that we can live in to start a family. And MIL is pissed! She has been telling him that he is becoming mean (like his dad). She is being very distant, and is somehow stalling the final phase of business with this house (which I thought had already been completed)! But part of it hadnt gone through (big surprise!) So he had to contact the realtor directly and work with his dad (who deals a lot with real estate).
I found out that at one point in time that she even had power of attorney over him (due to her current husband saying it in front of me).
My DF said it was all something that his mother had to do to get out of poverty when he was younger. I'm honestly disgusted by it all, and feel that she just took advantage of him. And now that he has stood up for himself, and is cutting ties with her, she is trying to put a guilt trip over on him. Luckily it hasn't worked. And he is working frantically to get it all squared away so that we can purchase a home by this summer before our leases are up. She is sooooo mad at him for cutting the financial ties with her. And I am so proud of him for taking care of business the way he has. He's smart, and has his degree in business so he know how to handle it all (thank God).
Knowing all of this...could you ever in a million years trust your MIL as far as you could throw her??? (today she makes over 100,000/year..but if she had the chance to double it using her future grandkids names and social security numbers..I'd bet she would).

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I'm sure some of what your future MIL has done is illegal in most states. But people like that take the risk b/c they assume that their kids won't put them in jail.
How can you ever trust her, you ask? I'm not sure you can. I think the bigger question is: can you trust your soon-to-be DH? I'm glad that he is taking the steps to clean up the mess his mother made, but it sounds like he has a long way to go both financially and emotionally. If he is still making excuses for her (i.e., she HAD to do it to get out of poverty), then he's not ready to get married and be a responsible husband.
It's not just about whether his credit report is good or not. It's also about his behavior. If he's cleaning up someone else's past mistakes, then how can he possibly focus on you, your future together, etc? This is a horrible situation, and I feel for you. The options are extremely limited for children who find that they've been swindled by their own parent. Either clean up the mess, or put the parent in jail. My own 21-year old cousin put his mother (my aunt) in jail for the same situation you're talking about. I'm not sure if it helped or not, b/c after a year in jail, she still blamed every person in the world other than herself. I wish my entire family had stepped in years ago and confronted her with her behavior, but that's another post.
My point is that if you do get married and have a relationship with your MIL, then it needs to be a very honest relationship. She needs to earn back trust and be kept at arms length until she can prove (through time and actions) that she's not a threat to your marriage and your finances. I'm not a psychologist, but that's just my opinion. Whatever you do, don't give her a key to your house, or any of your personal ID information. Since she obviously has her son's info, he should put a fraud alert on his credit report, so that he can be notified if/when someone tries to open an account in his name without his permission.
Bottom line: You may be dealing with this issue for the rest of your life, so make sure it's worth it. These issues don't tend to go away or get easier. You can find some more information about ID theft and credit report issues at www.ftc.gov.
I wish you the best of luck with everything!
You are correct. Your MIL certainly tops both of mine. (one is bio, one step)
Of course you can trust her. You can trust her to do what *she* thinks she needs to do no matter who it hurts.
When all of this started, she probably *was* only going to get out of poverty for herself and her child. But "easy money" can be soooooooo tempting.
I agree with melanie302, make her *SHOW* any change in attitude and behavior before giving her *any* kind of access.
You might want to work out other boundary issues now, - while they are still hypothetical - as well. When little babies come, daddies can wax sentimental and want *his* Mommy to love his little baby and conveniently forget a lot of hurtful behavior. So I suggest you work it out now and maybe even take notes. Not a "contract", though that may not be such a bad idea, but more like minutes of a meeting to jog reluctant memories.
I wish you and fiance well, it's *very* good that he is not allowing her to continue her theft and fraud. It shows that he "gets it" about separating from parents and forging new "alliances".
ilve2read
Thanks everyone for the feedback. And, layra0831, its nice to hear that Im not the only one who experienced this. I actually had a conversation with my finace today about the whole deal. It was in the context of getting a premarital agreement because of all the previous dealings with his mom. And he kind of got mad about it. And between my questioning, I found out that there actually IS more than one house in his name. One that belongs wo his Grandmother and one that belongs to his mother. So I am totally confused now. And so I just didnt finish the conversation with him, out of frustration.
So I have now resolved to hire a private investigator to do a full background check on the family BEFORE I GET MARRIED. It would be embarrassing to cancel the wedding and our marriage over somethings like this. But I've seen way too many Lifetime movies to be ignorant over what things people will do in life. Thanks so much for the support and sharing your experiences. I sooooo appreciate it. I will keep you all posted on things.
By the way...the prenup would be to protect me from any liability arising out of the mother's illegal activity in my Fiances name.
"...the prenup would be to protect me from any liability arising out of the mother's illegal activity in my Fiances name."
Very smart move. Good for you.
ilve2read
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