im in hell
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im in hell
| Thu, 03-08-2007 - 7:22am |
ive been married 6 months and i live with my husbands parents....joint famiy! my mom in law is becoming a real problem in my marriage. a month after the wedding she started talkin about me to my family who gave her a shut up call n because that didnt work to the entire neighbourhood...she treats me realy quite bad...to the point where she locks the kitchen n i go hours without food. cant even go out n get something, because she locks the doors from outside too. my husband is an only child and so scared to say anything to his mother til last month and that was also because i threw a fit. he sent me home to my parents for 2 weeks n on valentines came picked me up promising me things will be ok. his moms not gona do anything. since the 16th ive seen her only 3 times. she runs the moment she hears my door opening. she n her husband live in the same house but different rooms. he doesnt interfere with anything. if my husband n i fight she would stand outsid my door n listen n start knockin and come to me put her hands together and ask me to spare her family...whatever that means...anyway, last night my husband told me he was gona warm up dinner while i was in the shower. when i came out i saw only one glass n just asked wheres my glass...i dont know how that was so wrong but he threw his glass started throwing the furniture around n woke his father up and told his father i swear at him make him serve dinner and throw a fit if something is missing and asked him is this why he got married...n then his father came up to me and started tellin me i have no right swearing or making my husband serve this is something girls do and the whole time i was just sitting lookin at my husband and he knew he had lied. i never asked him to warm up dinner n i didnt even swear at him. just asked him where my glass was. i just said look i never asked him n this marriage is getting crazy im calling my dad and my husbands father took away my cell. my husband was screaming so loud the neighbours started calling. i got all kinds of crap from my father in law abt what im representing n what my family is like and what a girl has to do for her husband and ive just been causing problems and then in the end he put his son in the study came to me and told me not to go there. i just told him ure right im the problem il leave first thing in the morning and said goodnight...sat in my room had a smoke and my husbnad started knocking. by this time i was crying like a baby. couldnt even call my father. he cme in and sat down with me and started huggin me and trying to kiss me. i let him do whatever...i had so many things going thru my head that all pointed to get out of this marriage...but im not doing anything becuase im soo bad at making decisions. just wanted to ask u guys should i get a divorce? help plz

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~Ghostwriter, M.A.
p82a, I'm so very sorry your husband has put you in this position.
He is willing to get his parents yelling at you by *lying* about you. He should be *DEFENDING* you from their interference. How long until he is hitting you physically instead of just verbally and emotionally?
It sounds like he gets to be Momma and Daddy's Golden Boy with sex on the side.
I think you should go stay with your parents until you and your husband (not his mommy and Daddy) decide whether or not this marriage is worth saving. I suggest professional counseling. Only you and your husband can make this decision.
I also suggest you not live with him until he has *SHOWN* you that he is ready to put on his "big boy" undies and stand beside his wife instead of behind his Mommy and Daddy. And I don't think it is *possible* to show you this while expecting you to live with his Mommy and Daddy. Any change while still living there would be temporary at best.
He may not be ready to leave his Mommy and Daddy and you need to accept that if it's true. Do what is best for your mental health and safety.
And no matter what is decided, please, Please, PLEASE use the very best birth control you can *UNTIL* AFTER the two of you have worked out the kinks AND have lived without his parents control for at least as long as you lived under their influence. If you become pregnant and/or have a baby, you become far more vulnerable and it's far, far harder to escape the abuse. A baby will not *FIX* anything, only add more challenges to your lives. Please wait until you and your husband can face those challenges *together* before allowing a baby to start.
That's my opinion.
I wish you the very best no matter what you decide.
ilve2read
Best of Luck. And just remember you do not deserve to be treated like that from your husband or his parents. And I agree with ilve2read to you dont know how he will act in the future what if he does start to display physical violence. There are many great guys out there who will be on your side and wont let anyone treat you poorly. Best of luck hun.
Get out now while you can. If you have to make peace for a short while, just to let things cool down so you can access a telephone, but get out. You can always call 911 to have an officer come to the house and tell him you want to leave when he gets there. Your in-laws and H can't make you stay. Get out now, before you have children with these crazy people!
Sallie
It sounds very cultural to me. Was this an arranged marriage by any chance? I know with some Eastern cultures practice this esp in Europe.
But If this was not arranged and you picked this man. I wonder what he was like during the "courting session" so to speak. And if it was arranged again I am guessing no red flags went off there.
But anybody who locks you in your room, Takes away your cell phone and all that happened plus saying you deserve it is abusive! and Even if it wasn't physical now it probably would escalate to this.
GET OUT NOW! Don't even look past go! Go straight to divorce(hopefully this is not a cultural thing where it will hurt you more) and don't even look back and thank goodness:G-D Allah or who ever you pray to that you did not have children with this man. Because he will continue to repeat this cycle like any abuser would.
Good Luck
Rina
{{{hugs}}}
It's not easy to take a stand. I do know that.
I wish you the very best, and do keep us posted as to how you are doing, if you feel comfortable doing that.
{{{hugs}}}
ilve2read
Oh by the way, you should have your inl's arrested for keeping you locked up in the house, that's kidnapping.
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