I'm weakening! Is this a word? lol

Avatar for deenow17
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2004
I'm weakening! Is this a word? lol
8
Sun, 03-25-2012 - 8:57pm

This is just a confused vent!!! Sorry, I'm feeling frustrated & don't want to take it out on DH right now. Will deal with him when I'm calmer.

DH turns 60 this week & as I mentioned a few mths ago, it's tradition in his family to have a special birthday celebration for milestone birthday's. After a lot of discussion, DH decided finally against having this party with his family because frankly most of them have been using us for years. He has decided instead to have an immediate family celebration with a couple of close friends in June when our DS is home from university. This made me very happy.

I agreed very reluctantly to advise his family that I am retiring this mth. They are all single as none of their marriages have lasted & I know they really don't care about me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2004
Mon, 03-26-2012 - 2:00am

I know you're just venting, but here's my take on your dilemma.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2002
Mon, 03-26-2012 - 6:45pm

I think you need to accept that your DH is not entirely on board with you, and that his family will ultimately end up at the party.

With that said, I think what would be best for you is to hire someone to help you out.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2008
Tue, 03-27-2012 - 9:48am

Dee - Congratulations on retiring!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2008
Tue, 03-27-2012 - 10:03am

Izzy,

Your example of how your IL's treated you at the holidays is so frustrating for me. I don't understand why these people can expect so much from others but give so little back.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2002
Tue, 03-27-2012 - 11:18am

I came to the realization that my In Laws dont know better.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Wed, 03-28-2012 - 5:47pm

congratulations on your retirement. That is so awesome!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2003
Mon, 04-02-2012 - 8:14am
I like this idea. Not the cold cuts, but the idea of simple. Do a bbq, hamburgers and sausages, pre-made salads or just easy salads. Easy stuff. Kill two birds with one stone. And then on his actual bday go out for dinner.

I do agree, it is all or nothing. But you don't need to rent a hall. Or just have it catered, do a simple dinner. It is his right to have his family there, and I get that. But you can do things nicely with not a lot of work for you.
Avatar for deenow17
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2004
Tue, 04-03-2012 - 10:13am
Thanks everyone! We did the immediate family thing on his birthday which was also my last day in the office. We were missing our eldest DS who is away at school & so all "party" celebrations have been moved to June when he returns home for a mth. I'm not interested in a retirement party. Did the work thing with a lunch of 20 people. That was enough for me.

After I calmed down, I actually found this situation very funny. For years, we had fought over his family being invited to events at our place. He was totally against it as he said they were all users (true). I'm an only child whose father died at 18. I'm not as close to my Mom as I would like & so felt it was important for DH & our kids to have a relationship with his family.

We have an engagement party to host in June for our youngest DS. This may solve the problem if he decides to invite his father's family. Frankly, I'm thinking DH is just wanting his "present" since we have brought gifts for his 2 older sibling's 60ths. He will be happy if his DS gets a gift instead. If I do have something for DH then it will just be a simple lunch - bbq likely. My kids will do a lot of the work. They have learned well!

Dee