In-Law issues!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2011
In-Law issues!!!
4
Mon, 03-19-2012 - 10:28am

Hey everyone so I am having trouble with my in-laws, maybe I just don't get how they are or what but with me my family is very close!! we have dinners once a week talk to each other all the time etc and with my hubby's family his mom has dinner but only invites us not his brother and his gf, his brother doesn't even really talk to us we had our daughter 10 months ago and he has not once phoned come up sent a text asking about her see if he can come visit but yet their mother insistes she knows who he is YAAAA RIGHT! I am gettin married and I had asked my wedding party to invite my soon to be sis in law to the bacholorette party and she says she can't come hubbys moms excuse is she doesn't know anyone well I am inviting you out to get to know me and my friends and family and maybe have a good time!! whenever her and my brother in-law are around they just sit on each other and wisper in each others ears gahhhh! I just feel like they are all so distant and weird about everything. I treat my sisters wife like a brother and his sister as well we do things together and what not so I don't get why my husbands family is like this....HELLPPPP!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2008
Mon, 03-19-2012 - 12:23pm

Jenlin,

I think your intentions are great - but trying to change these people is a wasted effort.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2003
Mon, 03-19-2012 - 2:03pm

I'm a shy person. My SIL had a baby shower two weeks after I got married. Up to that point I had met her only two times. I got an invite to the shower and explained to my husband that I knew no one there including my SIL and would feel very uncomfortable attending by myself. I'm not an assertive person and I would have felt weird. Maybe she's the same way. I like to get to know people in smaller groups, not where the person who invited me will have their attention a million other places. Again, maybe she's similar. Maybe she really is weird as you say but she could just be shy. Don't take it personally. It may have nothing to do with you. Maybe your husband's family is just not close. For what ever reason, that's the way it is so I think you'd better learn to deal with it because it wont likely change.

Avatar for 3togetready
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-19-1999
Tue, 03-20-2012 - 12:05pm

It was a

Avatar for elc11
Community Leader
Registered: 06-16-1998
Tue, 03-20-2012 - 3:53pm

This sounds a little like my dh's family versus my family. My family is pretty reserved and private. His family is very social and in each others' business and always doing things together. Neither way is bad or wrong or better than the other, just different.

If your future SIL thinks that she will be uncomfortable because she won't know anyone at your bachelorette party then believe her. If she's not outgoing then she might be miserable which could put a damper on it for everyone else; and whoever is acting as host will have the job of trying to see that SIL is having a good time, instead of just enjoying herself. Just accept that you and she don't know each other well enough yet. I agree with the suggestion that you first invite her to do some one-on-one things and get to know each other better.

The part about your dh's brother not coming to see your baby--like someone else said, unless he is already a dad babies are probably not even on his radar. He might not be comfortable around babies or know how to play with them etc. Have you invited him to come over to visit you and dh, and be around the baby?

I understand that your fiance's family seems weird to you but they don't seem to be doing objectionable things--a lot of the problems here are about in-laws who are too much in your business, trying to tell you how to live, or being mean to you. These people just sound less engaged than you are used to, which can be a good thing!