IN-LAW issues!!!!! ( long 1st post)

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2006
IN-LAW issues!!!!! ( long 1st post)
12
Wed, 11-15-2006 - 1:19pm
This is my 1st post to this board, I suppose I may be a bit older than some of you (i'm 44) however, my problems are still similiar to yours. So here goes.
My husband is very,very sick. He has non-alcoholic cirrhosis of the liver and is on the national waiting list for a liver transplant. I don't know if any of you know much about liver disease but the primary symptoms he suffers from are: fatigue,headache,nausea,abdominal pain,fluid retention & memory loss.
His father is not supportive & sympathetic at all to my DH condition. He was abusive to his wife and children when they were young,he is very paranoid,looks at any problem as a personal attack on him. He thinks his word is the law and his children are to obey his every command. He's really a mean,ill tempered man. Every time we have ever gone to visit (20 yr of marriage) he has always had a complaint about something. EVERY SINGLE TIME. Usually about his kids not visiting enough. He's always writing one of his kids out of his will or saying he's leaving everything he owns (which is basically nothing we would want anyway) "to the one that shows the most respect" to him. Well we have really gotten into it with him this past week because my husband has not been able to visit in about 2 months (it's a 30 mi trip one way) and frankly my husband is just too tired. He is trying to hold on to his job for as long as he can because he HAS to maintain medical insurance to be a transplant candidate & only has 12 months medical leave available-which will be needed more when he has his transplant than right now- so he's just trying to hang in there with his job right now. He works about 48-56 hrs a week. mon-sat. Needless to say when he gets home he doesn't feel like a 30 mile drive and a 2 hr visit w/ mommy & daddy ! On Sun he just wants to rest after church & see our daughter & the grandkids (if he feels well enough). His parents are more than welcome to come to our home to visit but they REFUSE ! In 20 years his mother has visited us maybe 5 times. His dad maybe 15 times. IN 20 YEARS !!!! They cared for their sick son at home for 15 yrs & always used that as an excuse (but they always went any where they wanted to go)They want my DH to make ALL the effort. My husband was faithful in visiting them while they cared for his brother BUT the brother passed away about 6 months ago & they still want my husband to make all the effort. My FIL sends emails telling my DH that one of the 10 commandments is "Honor thy Father & thy Mother" he says that my DH is dis-respectful because he doen't come to visit like they want....He says that no matter how dis-respectful my DH is that they will always love him.. and he will always be "their son".
Just last week my FIN "went -Off on my husband because he was not able to send an email to my husband at work. Their email was messed up for a day & mail was bouncing back to the sender. My father in law leaves a message (on the company phone no less!) that says. " I tried to send you an email, but I can't. Somebody blocked me from sending email to you,I don't know why somebady would want to do a thing like that but they did, But that's fine with me if that's the way YOU want it." can you believe he jumped to a conclusion like that? That message is what really set this whole thing off.Please tell me....since when was being sick & not feeling well enough to visit called dis-respectful to a parent? My FIL sends emails asking "why do you never have any time for us?" why have you forsaken us? and leaves voice mails saying "We love you whether you love us or not". It is about to drive me & DH CRAZY !!!! How can my FIL treat a son that he claims to love so much this way when he's soooo sick? My DH has just cut himself off from them this week. He says he doesn't need negativity. He is trying to maintain a positive attitude. He says he is not going to see them thanksgiving or christmas. any suggestions? comments? I just need some support at this point. TIA.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2006
Fri, 11-17-2006 - 2:41pm
I sincerely thank everyone that replied to my post. Sometimes in a crisis such as this you question your decisions. Your support has helped us to see that we are justified in our feelings/ actions and that the decisions we have made concerning my In-Laws behavior are the best thing for our family at this time . Please keep us in your thoughts & prayers.
Avatar for cl_mugalug
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 11-17-2006 - 11:51pm
I don't have anything to add, except that I agree with everyone else and that I hope that your Dh gets the liver he needs soon. (((((((((BIG HUGS))))))))) to you and your Dh.

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