In-laws

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2007
In-laws
11
Thu, 04-05-2007 - 1:40pm
My fiance and I have known each other for 5 yrs. A few months ago he asked me to marry him, I was the happiest person on this earth. His parents were happy to know he was ready to settle down and so was mine. The only thing left was for the two families to meet. My fiance and i spoke about where we would get married and started planning even though we had about a yr and half to do everything we didnt want to depend on our families for much contribution. We found the most beautiful hall that over looked into a small lake, and held about 400 peoples since i have a huge family. The place was just perfect, we would be sitting right infront of a fireplace, the parking lot was great everything. The price was quite high but it included everything from food, to decoration to cake to centerpiece. I was thrilled, my mother had never seen me so happy in a while. The day for the parents to meet came, and the first thing discussed was the hall. My in laws to be kept jumping up and saying that it was to expensive, next thing i knew everything went hay wire. I went home that night not knowign what was going to happen next, only to find out that my in laws to be didn't like me. The reason given was because i was an outspoken person. When my parents heard that they were making a big deal wiht money they said that they would finacially help to pay for most of the wedding. But now because the inlaws dont like me my fiance called off the wedding. Still wants us to be togtether but don't want to get married until everything settles down. Money and time was already put into planning for this wedding, and just because i like to speak my mind i have to deal with not having a wedding. I hate my inlaws.

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-21-2004
In reply to: lilprncss912
Thu, 04-05-2007 - 1:55pm

I'm sorry your going through this, but actually it's a blessing. Your DF has shown you how your married life will be. Mommy and Daddy will be pulling the strings and he will be dancing to their tune, putting you and your future children last. Is this the kind of marriage you want? If not, it's time to move on. You will never be first in his life like you should be. It's a miserable existence.

Now there is the possibility that some premarital counseling will get him to see the situation for what it is. If you really want to try and save the relationship, you can try it. It may get him to grow a spine and not let mommy and daddy run his life. But from the sound of it, I wouldn't hold my breath.

Best of luck to you,
Terri

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2006
In reply to: lilprncss912
Thu, 04-05-2007 - 4:06pm
Woah woah woah! Stop hating the "in-laws" and start directing that anger towards your so-called boyfriend. You've just been given a humungous gift and I don't think you realize. Before you've volunteered for a life of this, you've been given a glimps of just how weak and pathetic this guy you're dating is! Women unfortunately spend way too much time and focus on

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket


 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2007
In reply to: lilprncss912
Thu, 04-05-2007 - 4:06pm

I am sorry you are having to deal with this, but your are lucky to have found out so early that your fiance does not choose you over his family. I suggest premarital counseling to see if he is willing to change and stand up for your relationship or cut your losses and look for a real man who can stand up for the woman he loves when mommy and daddy throw and temper tantrum.

Good luck to you and I hope everything goes the way you want it to, but I pray that you do not end up in the same situation that many of us woman have that have men that do not stand up for their wives or wives and children over their family of origin.

My advice in the long run...give the ring back. There are too many fish in the sea.




Edited 4/5/2007 4:08 pm ET by kittee81
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2007
In reply to: lilprncss912
Thu, 04-05-2007 - 5:39pm

You are better off without...If your fiance called off the wedding because of his parents then imagine the life time of crap you would have to deal with. Not only that, but you wouldn't be able to deal with any of it with these people because you are "to outspoken". It sounds like to me your bf got scared and took the easy way out by mommy and daddy "cleaning up his mess" for him. This guy doesn't deserve to be engaged or let alone even have a girlfriend. You should move on to someone more mature and to someone that will make you happy...this guy will only continue to make you miserable. Good Luck, and sorry for the hurt you are going through, but I think you will be better off.

Avatar for mom2danjam
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: lilprncss912
Thu, 04-05-2007 - 6:01pm

Guess what hon? You might not see it now, but you just dodged years and years of being treated like crap. You were just spared a life of being last in your husband's life.

I would tell Mama's Boy that he can take his "I don't wanna get married until things settle down", and stick it up his rear end.

You deserve better. You really do. One day you will see just how lucky you got.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2007
In reply to: lilprncss912
Thu, 04-05-2007 - 9:57pm
Did you hear them say they thought your are to out spoken? Or is this a cop out by F.
Maybe he needed an excuse. They were there. Bingo. You need to find someone who really loves you for who you are.
Avatar for cl_mugalug
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: lilprncss912
Sat, 04-07-2007 - 4:15pm
Holy cow! He called off the wedding because suddenly Mommy and Daddy don't like you because you are outspoken?! What a bunch of bunk. He is a weak, spineless, little boy. I agree with the other ladies that this is a blessing that you are seeing this now before getting married. Most of us that post on here have been treated or are still being treated like crap by our ILs and our husbands didn't or don't do anything to stop their family from trash talking us. It took mine DH 7 years to finally admit that his mother is a crazed psycho, and that he let things go to pacify her. Now she is cut off and has been for the last couple of years. She has only gotten worse. I think he knows that if he ever allowed her back into our lives, that I would take the kids and divorce him so fast his head would spin for a week. lol. Since I married Dh after only being/knowing each other one month, I didn't know his mother what a fruit until a lot later. I would get out while I could, and never look back.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting
follow me to my partner in the siggy exchange

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
In reply to: lilprncss912
Sun, 04-08-2007 - 12:16pm

You know, I think I'd be freaking furious with your fiancee even more than your inlaws. If this is the solidarity he shows before your marriage (and please remember, a marriage lasts a heck of alot longer than a wedding) I'd just go with no relationship at all. He can just avoid all possible conflict about any woman in his life by living with them instead. Lot less baggage you'll need to deal with.

I sound harsh about this, I realise that, but I mean really consider the husband you want. A guy who can easily withdraw a commitment to you (I don't care for how long) in favor of whether an outside party likes you, or someone who can follow through on ANY commitment for the rest of your life.

Avatar for lexis53
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2004
In reply to: lilprncss912
Mon, 04-09-2007 - 4:05pm

Alexis

"Traditions are great. Everyone should have a chance to make som

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2007
In reply to: lilprncss912
Mon, 04-09-2007 - 11:19pm
When he finally does decide he's ready for marriage.........RUN FOR THE HILLS!!!!! You don't want this guy or his rotten family, trust me.

Pages