In-laws wanting $$$$$

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2007
In-laws wanting $$$$$
12
Thu, 02-08-2007 - 11:40am

I have been married for 9 years and have 4 children under the age of 6 with my husband. We are financially ok, but we watch every penny to try and make sure that we stay that way. My husbands parents are 79 and 75 years old. They recently divorced and each got a big chunck of money when they sold their house. Now for the past wo years since the divorce they have been living a life that I can only dream of living. Each of them travel a lot to places I would LOVE to see and belong to country clubs and go out for dinner all the time, go to lots of movies and theater. Things I would love to do, but we do not do so we can afford to live and save for our future and our kids future. We never go out on the weekends because we do not want to spend money on a babysitter and dinner it is out of our budget. Now my in-laws are coming to us and saying they are running out of money. Their yearly expenses each separately are MORE than our family of six. They will be flat broke in 2 years. They have told my husband they expect him to provide for them. He asked for them to cut back on their living style and they have said no. They said they do not know how much more time they have in this world and they want to have fun before it is over and they are sure he does not want to take away their happiness. My husband loves them very much and he is haunted that if he makes them upset or dissappoints them and then they die he will never forgive himself. I understand, HOWEVER that means MY LIFE is going to be effected. Either by giving up all that money that we have been saving for our kids college or by giving up our retriement money we have been saving.

Is it awful that I have sacrificed all these years scrimping and saving and they are going to come in and take it away. They have and continue to live a better life than my own. How is this fair??? How do I handle this without ruining my marriage? How do I handle it with out being full of hate and resentment? I really need help.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2004
Tue, 02-13-2007 - 2:52pm

I feel for you. From reading your post, I can hear the desperation. First thing, as others have mentioned, sit down and calmly tell your DH how you feel and make sure he knows it would be unexceptable for him to give away your retirement/children's funds to support his mother and father. I would fully expect him to help his parents out, helping them not to starve or become destitute, but your IL's sound immature. If your DH doesn't agree with you, I would then suggest counseling. If he doesn't agree with that, I move on to something more serious, whatever money you can and put it away so that he can't give it away. Do whatever you can to protect your funds, which you are entitled to half of. Sorry if that sounds drastic and bad...Im just trying to think of a last ditch effort. If it were me, and my DH didn't listen or wouldn't hear me, I would take half of whatever we had and put it away before he spent it all. But that's just me.


GL


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 02-13-2007 - 5:27pm

Hi Kids4mom, welcome!

Your ILs expect your husband to give them more $$ because they want to live a certain lifestyle? That is just plain ridiculous! If they can't budget their $$, that isn't his problem, your problem or your childrens' problem! Money should not be taken away from your family because they want to live the high life. His parents obviously have lots of $$, so why is he going to feel bad? Because they spent all of their $$ and they can't live the way they want to live?!? That isn't your DH's problem at all. Most people don't live exactly the way they want to live and his parents shouldn't be any different. If they can't control their spending, they need to suffer the consequences of that just like everyone else. If it were me, I would have a SERIOUS issue with my DH wanting to give his parents money to live a lavish lifestyle when there are 4 little mouths to feed.

I think you need to tell your husband that you do not agree with him giving his parents money. As for ruining your marriage, etc. your husband should be supporting YOU and not them. If he is willing to give $$ to his parents knowing full well it is going to take away from you and your kids, there is a problem in the marriage right there. Your kids and their future is more important than his parents. His parents have had their fun and their life. Your kids are in their tender years and need $$ to be provided for and put away $$ for a college education. They are the ones with a future not his parents.








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