Long story please read sister in law

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Long story please read sister in law
Thu, 03-27-2003 - 1:31pm
I have done all I could of dealing with this,I am not a mean or jealious person but it's getting where I dont even want to be around here any more and my husband just don't understand why.My sister in law which is my husband brother wife she drives me I have let it go on for so long now just can't take it any more ,we was really good friends until all she wanted to do was tell her about my husband and me what he like yes she told me everything about her and her husband I told her I am not like that telling everyone about my husband and me I think things like that should be not talk about if I wanted her to know I would have told her she just wouldnt stop I thought it was just me her flirting and had a thing with my husband I have talk to my husband about this he told I have nothing to worry about its her I dont trust she flirts with him every chance she gets when I did work out side of the home she would invite him down for lunch but most of the time her husband wouldnt be home I now work at home I know if I would stay at home working it would end it did now she calls here acting like something is wrong when I am not here yesterday she called her thinking he was here he took my car so she thought I was gone she called and said to my husband would you please came down here hurry something wrong with my computer I said excuse me this is his wife she said o I got to go my husband is on the firer department and she use that to get him down there too with her girls there always something wrong with them so she calls for him most of time I do go down and she surprize to see me came she rude to me a few weeks ago she really made me mad and I knew she knew it but didnt care she wear a small shirt with nothing under it she showed her shelf dont think nothing of it in front of me things like that we did walk every night until I did ask her some question about my husband ask her why do you want to know about him so much ever since then she not talk to me and she very rude to me I go down her house so the kids I watch can play she dont came out until her husband cames out she freaks out he talking to me but its ok if she talks to my husband I dont even try to talk to him because I know it upset her well I am tired of trying to please her and worrying about what she thinks I am not the one who doing things to upset her I just dont know what to do about this I not going to put up with this any more but I do want peace in the family she does live next door so it does make it very hard to deal with everyday .I know if I did the same thing she does to my husband to her husband she wouldnt just let me do it or allow it but I am not going to go do that just need some advice on dealing with this and putting a end to this once and full all any advice would be greatful thank you Austin
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 03-27-2003 - 5:59pm
Lurker with a little help, maybe...

Its pretty clear to me that your SIL wants both brothers all to herself, and it is not just up to you to set boundaries here. Ask DH how he would feel if you began to behave toward BIL in the same way the SIL behaves toward him or if BIL started coming on to you like she is to him. Not only is he allowing her to disrespect you, he is being disrespectful of his brother by playing the game, and he IS playing the game. Ignoring this is not going to make it go away. Its time for DH to have a talk with her to tell her to back off and that she needs to start calling her DH when there is a problem. The policy for you and DH should be that he does not go to her home unless you or BIL are present. If she lies and BIL isn't there, or BIL leaves while DH is there, DH should immediatly leave. It might even be a good idea for one or the both of you to talk to BIL about it. She is a predator and DH is her prey.

Even these strategies might not work, but until your DH makes it clear to her that he is not interested, and he stops playing the game, whatever you do won't make a difference. If she keeps up, it might be time for you to talk to her directly about it and let her know that you know what she is trying to do, and what the consequences will be if she keeps it up.

DH and I are part of a wine tasting group and one of the single women who attends is all over every guy, both single and married. Lately, she has given all of her attention to DH as if I weren't there. At one point, she was almost sitting on his lap. She is so not attractive to DH. He gives her absolutly no encouragement, so I am not worried about it. But it really pisses me off to watch some b*&^h come onto my guy right in front of me. It is incredibly disrespectful. So far, I have shown a great deal of self-control. I have told DH that he had better talk to her, because he didn't want me to deal with it. He has put it off, but it will happen before the next wine tasting, or we won't be going.

You really don't have an SIL problem at this point, you have a DH problem.