MIL and Her Unsolicited and Unwanted Advice/Opinions

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2007
MIL and Her Unsolicited and Unwanted Advice/Opinions
19
Thu, 09-29-2011 - 6:35am

I've written here numerous times before to blow off a little steam about my MIL of 21 years.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009
I understand there's a cumulative effect going on here, but specifically as to the e-mail, that's small potatoes. And I agree with your husband. It sounds like sage advice to me.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2007

I'm sorry, but I have to disagree with you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2010

I see this as a two sided issue.

On one hand, your MIL was just trying to take an involved position in "A"'s life and her advice is right, if a bit generic. Who doesn't know that you have to stick some things out for the sake of the outcome? That's neither here nor there, though.

On the other hand, you feel railroaded every time you are simply trying to present facts and she sees them as opportunities to dictate changes you should make in how you handle your family's day to day. I understand how you feel, I think that kids have to make their own decisions about their extracurriculars, and at some point they'll find something they'll really want to stick with or they'll quit things so many times they'll eventually look back and go "I should have stuck with that, I hear it got fun after I left", etc. They have to learn these things for themselves sometimes.

So for this particular instance, I would just explain that viewpoint (or whatever your viewpoint is) calmly to your mother in law. "I'm just picking my battles. She'll learn that lesson with experience as we all do" And then change the subject. Perhaps tell her about how you learned that lesson?

I understand, though. My grandmother has always done me that way. I know nothing about investing, for example, and I said simply that once. I wish I knew more, but I don't know where on earth to start learning or how to become savvy. And she jumped down my throat because she thinks it's such a travesty that "(my) mother squandered her money" and "I should take the initiative to know better" and "(I'm) so irresponsible", etc. I've learned to just keep our visits short so hopefully we don't find a topic that strikes a nerve (because I tell you, if anything reminds her of my mother during our visit the rest of the visit will go sharply downhill) and just let her be who she is. I will never be able to change her, and she is getting old. I see her as a charicature, and once you kind of separate yourself and observe your situation as a third party interacting with a cartoon, it might be easier to laugh at. At least it is for me. I hope I helped.

Avatar for 3togetready
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-19-1999
Fri, 09-30-2011 - 11:09am

I'm sorry but she just sounded like a concerned grandma. She seems to know about her granddaughters (unlike my mil) and just said what she thought about the situation. I don't think she was really offering advice,

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2007
Sat, 10-01-2011 - 11:34pm

You don't like this woman and no matter what she says to you You are not going to like it. and you are going to have a fit about it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2004
Sun, 10-02-2011 - 12:46pm

My daughter and I occasionally get into the cycle you get in with your MIL.

Community Leader
Registered: 05-19-2008
Mon, 10-03-2011 - 12:40pm

Doxie,

Avatar for 3togetready
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-19-1999

Summergirl I hate to say this but you are very wrong. My mil is Marie from Everybody Loves Raymond. lol It took me awhile,

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009

<< It can be a good thing but often a bad thing- because sometimes the replies we get here are coming from grandparents and mother in laws etc. >>

How hateful. Your bias is showing wide open now. Once again, this isn't called The DIL Board.

I miss the days when the CL wasn't so obviously biased.

 

Community Leader
Registered: 05-19-2008
Tue, 10-04-2011 - 12:11pm

You know - Cat Alley - it would seem that anything I say on this board upsets you and quite honestly I'm not sure why.

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