MIL and Mom During Post Partum

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-19-2010
MIL and Mom During Post Partum
Mon, 10-17-2011 - 11:46am

Hi All,

I'm about to deliver our first nany any day now and am trying to figure out how to handle the delivery/first couple of weeks after delivery. My mom, dad and sister

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-1997
Mon, 10-17-2011 - 11:56am

Me didn't want anyone in the room but dh and the medical staff.


Community Leader
Registered: 01-03-2004
Mon, 10-17-2011 - 12:07pm


Hi. Stop trying to please everybody! This is your pregnancy, your delivery, your baby. Period. End of Sentence!

By the way from here forward: STOP TELLING EVERYONE WHAT YOU PLAN TO DO! Your MIL, mom, sister, etc. do not need to know you plan to have this kind of delivery or that kind of delivery or whether there will be photos taken upon birth, etc. etc. If you can keep your mouth shut about all this stuff your MIL won't have any ammunition with which to criticize your decisions. P.S. Plan to keep your mouth shut about everything else too, how you'll feed, diaper, potty train, etc. this child. You can count your MIL having an 'opinion' about every aspect of childrearing. Protect yourself by not handing her reasons to criticize you! And, tell your DH to step up and tell his mother to BUTT OUT.

Make a plan: Hubby is First on the list. If he bows out for any reason during the hard labor, etc., have your No. 2 on standby - might be your sister since she's a nurse and close to you. Everyone else needs to wait in the waiting area until called. No one is going to die if they aren't standing by your side when this kid enters the world. And, if you want your mother there, ask her to be there. It is not her place to ask permission from your MIL to attend to her own daughter. MIL can suck it up and stay in the waiting area.

Good luck and start learning to stand up for yourself. Othewise everyone else will run your life.

Community Leader
Registered: 05-19-2008
Mon, 10-17-2011 - 1:19pm

I have to agree with Wisdomtooth.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2002
Mon, 10-17-2011 - 4:03pm

It's your body, you get to decide!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Mon, 10-17-2011 - 5:49pm

You and the medical staff are the ONLY people who decide who is in that room. AND that is subject to change if you start screaming, "all of you get the h out of here now!" lol

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2004
Tue, 10-18-2011 - 12:09am

Each to his own!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 10-18-2011 - 4:11pm

I had an unplanned C-section for my 1st child, so in addition to my DH, we had the nurse-midwife (who I had hoped would deliver the baby), a student nurse-midwife, the OB, the anesthesiologist, a pediatrician, probably a nurse--believe me that was quite enough.

Avatar for chimichanga
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2000
Fri, 10-21-2011 - 4:51pm

When your husband has a prostrate exam, his mother can go to that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-19-2010
Sat, 10-22-2011 - 7:02am
Thanks everyone. This discussion has been helpful and I've decided that anyone is welcome to see me until they get annoying - if their annoyance factor increases, they will be removed. :)

I KNOW this will cause problems with MIL but at this point I'm tired of worrying about it. I can't control this woman. She is illogical, bizarre and and at a point in life where there is no return. So I will try try to accomodate her when I can but am going to try to not feel guilty about putting my foot down.

It's getting really frustrating dealing with her. I'm in the last week of my pregnancy, am generally in good spirits but she just rubs me the wrong way. We had dinner last night at DH's brother's house and she was absolutely obnoxious. She kept insinuating that we (in particular me, not DH because her darling son would never do anything) had hijacked all of the wedding reception and baby shower pictures and never given them to her. (All of them are digital pictures and she can't work the computer. And in the 4 years we've been married, she has never requested pictures.) She began the drama as soon as we sat down for dinner.

I'm so frustrated. I was hoping to have to not see them until I go into labor. Unfortunately, this is the week of the most important Indian holidays (equivalent to a 5 day Christmas) where family is supposed to meet so I have to see them EVERY DAY!

I hate lying but I might have to start "not feeling well" on strategic days....Aaaaah why can't this baby come soon!!
Avatar for deenow17
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2004
Sat, 10-22-2011 - 7:49pm
Deep breaths now, you are just a short time from delivering your baby. You may be a bit on edge & a little oversensitive, so just don't dwell on last night. When my DGS was born, my DD had said it was to be only she & SIL allowed in the delivery. I was allowed at the hospital for back up but no one else was allowed even at the hospital. This was her decision as she didn't want her ILs in the room & so her DH reacted with then no one else can be there.

Well, we all ended up there as she went into labour 10 wks early. Turns out she didn't care that her MIL was around, she just old her to leave when she didn't want to see her anymore. You are the one delivering & it's your performance where you get to determine who attends the play and what props you are going to use.

Wishing you all the best at this amazing time of your life!