MIL & DH 50th birthday

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2005
MIL & DH 50th birthday
11
Mon, 08-29-2011 - 3:13am
Without talking to either dh or I about what he or I want/may have planned for DH's 50th BD in Oct. MIL got his 2 nieces all excited about their going to have this party for him. Well MIL told me that "I needed to suck it up & come". I was planning on having a party for him inviting our close friends, everyone from church & our snow skiing club. We are seeing a marriage counselor & she asked me I had asked him what he wanted to do for his birthday. I said no & when I did asked him what him & he said he would like to go out for pizza w/FOO (he knows that I can't eat pizza ver often as I'm lactose intol) I asked dh if he wanted to talk to MIL or should I? Their going out to the family cabin on Friday & won't be home until Monday night.

I want to give her a poliet phone call & tell her "we need to talk" (wonder how she would like that? I bet not very well) LOL. So should I wait to see if he talks with her or do it myself?
~~Sam stitches well with others, runs with scissors in her pocket. Cheerful and stupid.

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Mon, 08-29-2011 - 10:39am

I don't think this is right.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2008
Mon, 08-29-2011 - 12:51pm

So,

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2001
Mon, 08-29-2011 - 1:00pm

FOO = "family of orgin" and refers to one's parents and siblings.

Wel Bus,

Seems like your H perfers the company of his family over his friends, at least for this birthday celebration.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2005
Mon, 08-29-2011 - 5:30pm

The counselor told me to stop letting MIL take my power away. I need to stand up to her & BIL and tell them I'm NOT up for their nasty conversayions. I should go to his FOO

~~Sam stitches well with others, runs with scissors in her pocket. Cheerful and stupid.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2001
Mon, 08-29-2011 - 11:27pm

(((Bus)))

I still don't know a lot about your background story, but the little

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2005
Tue, 08-30-2011 - 12:06am
Your correct. DH has to juggle the FOO (about a yr ago, BIL told him "you ruined my life by being my brother" BIL is the younger brother, so total BS) BIL will explored when he's angry/upset (much like their dad, who was mentally sick) neither us have any ideal why MIL thinks she could just go ahead & plan his party without checking with either of us. MIL does this kind of crap all of the time.

My DH is a very sweet guy. He really hates hurting people feelings. That's what I love about him.

My MIL just can't cut the appron stringles. She "trys" to control both DH & BIL ( & mine as well, but I did put my foot down on that. Plus for 3 straight yrs I worked 2 jobs just so I didn't have time with them)
~~Sam stitches well with others, runs with scissors in her pocket. Cheerful and stupid.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-19-2010
Tue, 08-30-2011 - 10:16am
I agree with imotherothers. I would stop playing referee between DH and MIL. If he doesn't want the party, he needs to tell her that. You should continue with your plans regardless of what MIL is doing.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2001
Tue, 08-30-2011 - 12:27pm

You know Bus, there is a difference between being "a really nice guy" and being someone who is enmeshed into FOO dysfunction.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2005
Tue, 09-06-2011 - 10:16am

I've stayed out of this with dh's FOO. Told him he needed to deal with it. He was gone for 4 days with them to the family cabin. After MIL dropped him off, I asked so did you talk to them about your bd? He said yes, but that it didn't go well. He said they shouted him down when he told them "No party" I just want to go tget pizza, it's no big deal. Well he said that they don't think thats good enough for a 50th BD party & they want it their way. I'm not surprised at all over this. I have to go north this morning for a job interview & dh left stuff in MIL's car, so I'm going to have to go pick it up for him. It's now been put back in my play court & I'm just going to flat out tell her if y'all can't respect DH's wishes, then there will be no party at all. He doesn't want to have a party. I asked if we could have a few adult friends in for dinner, nope he wants to go do something on the weekend with just me {like go to the EMP or go take a trip to Eastern WA} so I'm just going to go along with what HE wants & they will too or else they will deal with my rath. It will be a pizza party or nothing. Sorry.

I just can't understand them not respecting his wishes on this--it's not like he's demanding some thing big & splashly {he's just NOT that type of guy} he told me the neices are both upset over his request too {MIL just had to hype it up before even talking with us} so I'm sure it's all going to come back on me in some way or how.

~~Sam stitches well with others, runs with scissors in her pocket. Cheerful and stupid.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2001
Tue, 09-06-2011 - 4:29pm

Bus,

Please don't take offense . . . but you aren't making any sense.

Pages