MIL has crossed so many boundaries!
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|Fri, 04-25-2014 - 8:13am|
My partner and I have been in a relationship for almost 5 years. We started living together about 3 years ago in a town that is 3 hours away from our home town, before we moved to another country over a year ago. Just prior to leaving our home country, we got engaged. I had also been through a very difficult time after the death of my mother 1 year previously.
When we lived in our home country, I felt I had some issues with his family, but it didn't overly concern me, since I would only spend short periods of time with them. His sister was quite annoying when we first started dating, from completely excluding me from conversations, to inviting herself into his bedroom (while we were in bed together half naked) to sit on the end of his bed and watch TV with us. She is the type of person that laughs long after the joke has been finished - especially if the joke was about me! His mother, I always perceived as a harmless gossip, apart from when she sent me some mail over that had arrived at her house - it was my payslip and end of year tax notice - OPENED!.
Until she came to visit us in our new country and stayed with us for 3 weeks. We started off travelling our new country and then decided to settle, so we were renting a studio apartment, with no real rush to look for a bigger place. We were hoping to settle into our jobs and get some savings back in the bank before we started to consider renting. However, his mother announced that she had booked flights to come and see us and we ontl had 2 months to get organised for her coming. So we started lookin for houses, viewing and saving like mad to get enough together for a deposit. Both of us worked overtime to make it happen and found it to be a very stressful time. We finally managed to get a place and then had to start getting furniture organised. We ended up taking credit just so we could get the basics. All because MIL couldn't wait as she had a need to see her son.
So she arrived and wasn't even through the door before the insensitivities started. Where do I begin!! She told me she and her family had been discussing the weight I had put on, she admitted that she had looked through my drawers and cupboards, she went in and done my washing despite me telling her not to, as I feel that is private, she questioned us on what we earn, what we pay in rent, how much our bills are, what my dress size is. And this was only in the first 3 days.
The first weekend she was here, it would have been my mother's birthday. MIL knew this and spent the full day before talking about people who have cancer (my mother died after cancer) and telling us all about her breast examination for cancer finishing off with "but at least I'm ok". I had a lot of issues with my step father after my mother died and contested her will. My MIL spent this night also discussing her partners family advising that her MIL has cancer, but she couldn't care less because she hates her and that she is going to make sure that none of his children will get anything from his will when he dies, becuase they are already too rich. I had to walk out of the room before I burst into tears.
After she had tired of this behaviour, she moved onto new behaviours. She started treating my partner like a child, telling him to put on his suntan lotion and actually stating "gosh he behaves like such a child sometimes!" She would cook dinner, despite me telling her I had things in the fridge I had to use up and planned to cook it. She interfered with decisions that I made and even approached my neighbours to tell them all about my wicked ways. She has a way with my partner where she drops hints for him to suggest something then makes out it was his idea. She kept hinting about seeing photos on our laptop, but I refused telling her there were personal photos on there (silly of me really as this would've only sparked her curiosity all the more). However, she continued on until eventually my partner suggested showing her some photos and accidentally showed her the personal photos. I have never been so angry in all my life!
So now she is away and I feel very resentful towards my partner for giving into her manipualtions. I have spent all day today cleaning my house and getting rid of any reminders of her. A friend suggested to me to burn some sage to get rid of the negative energy in the house and I was planning to get some tomorrow. However, on cleaning her room, I found a few belongings she has left behind, including some burnt sage! I am gobsmacked at her complete lack of respect and her sense of entitlement to do whatever she wants in my home! Even now after she is away I feel angry, violated and helpless. She has posted on facebook about the fantastic time she had with her son and saying I had done a good job of putting up with her, which makes me feel like she playing the victim.
I really don't know what to do to make this better - I am already dreading her next trip, which will probably be over a year from now. All I want to do is send her a message telling her how disgusted I am in her behaviour, but I know this will most likely make matters worse. I haven't yet been able to bring myself to speak to my partner about it, because he is still high from her visit and seems to have enjoyed it. I am afraid if I do say anything, he will take her side. At the beginning of her holiday, he did stick up for me and challenged her behaviour, but towards the end, it seemed as though she was in his head and he was doing all he could to please her.
What should I do??? Thank you for reading if you have gotten this far and sorry this is a bit of a rant, but I really need to get this off my chest!