MIL Returns - Mostly a vent...
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|Mon, 08-06-2012 - 6:11pm|
I used to post on here about my in-laws, but have been gone for a while, as DH and I finally found some peace/resolution around all of our issues with his family. Unfortunately, nothing can stay perfect forever, so I'm back...
Quick background, my MIL and FIL live in the same neighborhood as DH and I. DH's brother and his family live nearby as well. DH's sister lives about 4 states away. We get along great with FIL and okay with BIL and his family. We're not super close with BIL but see him and family (wife and 2 kids) probably once a month or so. MIL and SIL on the other hand, are pieces of work. This is going to sound rude, but I just don't know how else to phrase it, MIL is in addition to being completely self-centered, incredibly dumb. She's just not very intelligent, and when you pair that with the fact that she's convinced that the whole world revolves around her, it makes it hard to be around her. SIL on the other hand is pretty smart, but she's a hot mess. She's diagnosed bipolar, but self medicates with booze and bad decisions. She has 3 kids who all have different dads, the oldest my in-laws raised, the middle lives with her father, and the youngest is just a baby, but I don't have high hopes that she'll step up.
Anyhow - the point of today's story is when SIL had her baby last summer, my MIL went to help "for 2 weeks" but has been there ever since (aside from one 6 day trip home at Christmas when SIL and the baby came too - a visit where the first thing MIL did when she got to her house was take all of the other pictures of the grandkids off the fridge and put up only pics of SIL's kids). The story is that she's there because SIL hasn't been well. And I believe that she has had some health issues, but I've heard stories from people we have in common that SIL is telling people all sorts of different stories about why her mother is there, including telling one person that she has cancer. (I know for a FACT that SIL doesn't have cancer, but she's crazy enough to tell people she does...) So, my problem is, while MIL has been gone, she has completely blown off the rest of the family, forgets birthdays (DH's and nephew's), doesn't ever call any of the other grandkids, just generally doesn't care. Now, don't get me wrong, I don't mind her being gone, and I even think it's good for the new baby's sake that she's helping out, but I've spent the whole year SO frustrated that the other grandkids and DH and his brother have been completely blown off. That and having to explain what's going on to neighbors and my IL's friends who are very weirded out that after over 40 years of marriage my MIL just moved away one day.
Now however, MIL, SIL and her two youngest kids are all coming for a weekend visit, and my MIL is irritated with us because we aren't willing to just drop everything to spend the whole weekend with them. I've talked to BIL's wife about it too, and we just don't see any reason to change our plans because she's gracing us with her presence for 4 days. DH and BIL are saying that they don't really care if they see MIL/SIL when they're here, but I'm sure they'll both get guilted in when MIL actually shows up. BIL's kids are also already stating that they have no desire to see their grandma when she's here (they're older than mine, so this has hit them a lot harder). Mine is still young enough that she doesn't really care either way, I don't think she's going to be all that interested in MIL when she's here either though, as she doesn't really know her that well. Oh, and the kicker for me is, when they're here, even though MIL has missed every single other grandkid's birthday this year, she wants to throw a big first birthday party for SIL's baby and she got mad at FIL when he suggested that they make it an "all family" birthday party since she'd missed the other kid's.
I know this is probably hard to understand, there's lots more back story that makes it make more sense (but I doubt anyone would want to read that book...) I guess I just needed to vent, and I'm curious, do I sound like a horrible person for not wanting to see MIL/SIL? I know I should just suck it up because she's my DH's mom, but when she's been so horrible and neglectful to DH and DD, I just have a hard time pretending we're this big happy family... On top of it all, the weekend that they're here, I'm going to be coming back from an international business trip, and we have a wedding. I'm going to be so exhausted that all the extra drama that's sure to come might just kill me!