I'm sorry, I haven't read your post yet so what I'm posting here has nothing to do with that but can you please change your display name? I'm sure I won't be the only one on these boards who find it disturbing.
It is not what you think it means; and no I will not change it. You are the only one who has a problem with it. I do not think it is disturbing at all, I know why it is what it is and it was very rude of you to ask me to change it.
For the life of me, I do not understand why you are so upset.
Your MIL, from what you wrote, is right, IMO. And believe me, I hardly ever take up for the inlaws on this board. It is not good to just up and leave 2 states away, with no job or money and no plan, except to live with other people. Especially being pregnant. That adds a whole new twist to things.
She was obviously good enough for you two to live with for 2 years. Perhaps she expected you would get a place of your own after that period of time.
What did you expect her to say?
Maybe we misunderstand. Perhaps you would kindly elaborate, so we can better understand.
To be very honest, I find the name disturbing as well. It may have a different meaning for you, but the first thing people will see is a "not-so-nice" meaning to it. I know my first thought when I saw it wasn't good. Nobody can force you to change it, but it is disturbing. I'm sorry, but that's honest.
I'm sorry your situation is so messed up, but once again, I have to agree with another poster that your MIL did give you ample time to get yourselves together. Your DH's job situation doesn't sound good and maybe it's time for him to consider another line of work that might be more stable. I know you're pregnant, but can you get some kind of job until the baby is born? I know it's tough in this day, but it can be done.
Everyone has to learn to stand on their own two feet and I hope you and your dh can do that.
I'm sorry if this seems harsh to you, but one thing I've noticed on this board is that while people WILL support each other, they will also be honest with when it's needed and tell people things they may not want to hear. That's a good thing.
Please remember that anytime you post on a public message board there are bound to be some replies you agree with and some you disagree with. Simply choose what you feel is the most appropriate and ignore the rest. Love & Sex is a large channel filled with people of different beliefs, and experiences. We appreciate keeping this debate and discussion respectful, and just wanted to remind everyone to choose your words carefully and address comments to the topic at hand, and not at another individual. However, just because someone disagrees with your point of view doesn't necessarily mean that they are personally attacking you. If you disagree with the message someone else has offered, please state your opinion respectfully.
Sometimes, words on a screen (or even just a screenname) can seem unusual, intentionally disruptive, or harsh, but there may be another explanation to the language. Sometimes a personal joke or specific reference can seem inappropriate outside of its context. We need the cooperation of both sides to try to find an understanding rather than jumping to conclusions.
Remember, the Rules of Play ask us to "agree to disagree, respectfully".
Agree to Disagree, Respectfully: We invite and encourage a healthy exchange of opinions; disagreements are okay. If you disagree with a member's post or opinion during a live chat, by all means, challenge the opinion. However, any challenge must be given with a sense of respect and caring for the other person. The real objective of community is to understand each other, not to attack others and convince them that you're right. Name calling, insults, "flaming" and attacks are not appropriate and will not be tolerated. Agree to disagree respectfully.
There are some members who prefer the tough love, tell-it-like-it-is advice, while others prefer a more gentle approach. Many times the tone of a post is lost when we just have words on a screen, but please try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt that they are posting with the best intention. We do have the option to "ignore" members which will remove their posts from your view of the board when you are logged in. Many times this is a good way to avoid posting a message you will later regret or that may jeopardize your membership. While it is difficult to read " bad" advice, the best way to address this is to offer what you feel is "good" advice rather than debating the merits of the bad advice. Debates can disrupt the board as well as neglecting the members who are here looking for support and advice. When you see posts you feel cross the line or violate Terms of Service please click 'report a violation' at the bottom of the message. We make every effort to keep our boards free of troublesome posts but we need your help to do so, so please report when you see them. After you've reported the post we ask that you ignore it, and resist the urge to respond so we can handle things behind the scenes. We may not remove every post that is reported, but we will continue to monitor the situation to try to keep things from getting out of hand. Responding to disruptive posts can contribute to the disruption, and responding to an attacking post to defend yourself or someone else could also result in your post being removed for attack.
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Of course I did not mention all of the circumstance as to why we moved out or why we stood there for so long. It was a very difficult time for us and we had no choice. Plus it is a long and ugly story that I do not wish to repeat.
I would not have posted this if this situation or what happened was acceptable. I just needed a shoulder to lean on and I guess I made the same mistake twice in one night.
I really do not feel like elaborating and am really emotional at this time. I do not like the turn this thread has taken so I will go back to my usual board and get advice from people who can offer me the support I need.
Thank you to all and any who stuck to the situation at hand.
This is not directed to anyone in particualr I just don't know how to change it to ALL.
Based on what you stated, I have to agree with your MIL. Two years is plenty of time to get a place of your own. I do not care if you were college students. There are plenty of college students who work, go to school and live on their own.
Now, if there are other details that would change things, and you wish to share, fine. Please do. I want to understand your position.
If you, instead, want to continue with your "goodbye cruel message board" thing, that is also your choice. Maybe your other board will tickle your ears with what you want to hear.
Personally, I wish you would stay and explain, so that we might fully understand the whole situation.
first off....there is such a thing as freedom of speech unless it encites violence such as yelling FIRE in a crowded movie theater.....keep your name!
I do agree with other posters. 1. you and dh should not have gotten married without getting finances in order 2. You should have used better protection from getting pregnant UNTIL you have a better situation. Your MIL did you a favor, she let you and dh stay for two years....that is plenty of time to get things situated. Just because you are pregnant does NOT mean you cant work. Your dh can get a second job....even if it working at McDonalds. You and dh really need to sit down an figure out a budget....money problems will only get worse once the baby is born and grows up. You cant depend on others forever.
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I'm sorry, I haven't read your post yet so what I'm posting here has nothing to do with that but can you please change your display name? I'm sure I won't be the only one on these boards who find it disturbing.
Thank you.
“It’s sometimes hard to listen without judgement but people do appreciate being heard.†aka Sam Spade, 23rd August 2007
Edited 7/7/2006 3:58 am ET by shaken_baby
For the life of me, I do not understand why you are so upset.
Your MIL, from what you wrote, is right, IMO. And believe me, I hardly ever take up for the inlaws on this board. It is not good to just up and leave 2 states away, with no job or money and no plan, except to live with other people. Especially being pregnant. That adds a whole new twist to things.
She was obviously good enough for you two to live with for 2 years. Perhaps she expected you would get a place of your own after that period of time.
What did you expect her to say?
Maybe we misunderstand. Perhaps you would kindly elaborate, so we can better understand.
Edited 7/7/2006 9:09 am ET by mom2danjam
Since when is a polite request considered rude? I mean, she did not DEMAND you to do it.
What does the name mean? Perhaps if you politely explained, people would understand better.
Edited 7/7/2006 7:03 am ET by mom2danjam
To be very honest, I find the name disturbing as well. It may have a different meaning for you, but the first thing people will see is a "not-so-nice" meaning to it. I know my first thought when I saw it wasn't good. Nobody can force you to change it, but it is disturbing. I'm sorry, but that's honest.
I'm sorry your situation is so messed up, but once again, I have to agree with another poster that your MIL did give you ample time to get yourselves together. Your DH's job situation doesn't sound good and maybe it's time for him to consider another line of work that might be more stable. I know you're pregnant, but can you get some kind of job until the baby is born? I know it's tough in this day, but it can be done.
Everyone has to learn to stand on their own two feet and I hope you and your dh can do that.
I'm sorry if this seems harsh to you, but one thing I've noticed on this board is that while people WILL support each other, they will also be honest with when it's needed and tell people things they may not want to hear. That's a good thing.
Madalot
When I insist that I am 'right," I slam the door of my mind. I remain locked in past
Sometimes, words on a screen (or even just a screenname) can seem unusual, intentionally disruptive, or harsh, but there may be another explanation to the language. Sometimes a personal joke or specific reference can seem inappropriate outside of its context. We need the cooperation of both sides to try to find an understanding rather than jumping to conclusions.
Remember, the Rules of Play ask us to "agree to disagree, respectfully".
Agree to Disagree, Respectfully: We invite and encourage a healthy exchange of opinions; disagreements are okay. If you disagree with a member's post or opinion during a live chat, by all means, challenge the opinion. However, any challenge must be given with a sense of respect and caring for the other person. The real objective of community is to understand each other, not to attack others and convince them that you're right. Name calling, insults, "flaming" and attacks are not appropriate and will not be tolerated. Agree to disagree respectfully.
There are some members who prefer the tough love, tell-it-like-it-is advice, while others prefer a more gentle approach. Many times the tone of a post is lost when we just have words on a screen, but please try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt that they are posting with the best intention. We do have the option to "ignore" members which will remove their posts from your view of the board when you are logged in. Many times this is a good way to avoid posting a message you will later regret or that may jeopardize your membership. While it is difficult to read " bad" advice, the best way to address this is to offer what you feel is "good" advice rather than debating the merits of the bad advice. Debates can disrupt the board as well as neglecting the members who are here looking for support and advice. When you see posts you feel cross the line or violate Terms of Service please click 'report a violation' at the bottom of the message. We make every effort to keep our boards free of troublesome posts but we need your help to do so, so please report when you see them. After you've reported the post we ask that you ignore it, and resist the urge to respond so we can handle things behind the scenes. We may not remove every post that is reported, but we will continue to monitor the situation to try to keep things from getting out of hand. Responding to disruptive posts can contribute to the disruption, and responding to an attacking post to defend yourself or someone else could also result in your post being removed for attack.
If you have questions you can email us at relationshipscm@mail.ivillage.com
Thanks!
Of course I did not mention all of the circumstance as to why we moved out or why we stood there for so long. It was a very difficult time for us and we had no choice. Plus it is a long and ugly story that I do not wish to repeat.
I would not have posted this if this situation or what happened was acceptable. I just needed a shoulder to lean on and I guess I made the same mistake twice in one night.
I really do not feel like elaborating and am really emotional at this time. I do not like the turn this thread has taken so I will go back to my usual board and get advice from people who can offer me the support I need.
Thank you to all and any who stuck to the situation at hand.
This is not directed to anyone in particualr I just don't know how to change it to ALL.
Based on what you stated, I have to agree with your MIL. Two years is plenty of time to get a place of your own. I do not care if you were college students. There are plenty of college students who work, go to school and live on their own.
Now, if there are other details that would change things, and you wish to share, fine. Please do. I want to understand your position.
If you, instead, want to continue with your "goodbye cruel message board" thing, that is also your choice. Maybe your other board will tickle your ears with what you want to hear.
Personally, I wish you would stay and explain, so that we might fully understand the whole situation.
At any rate, good luck to you. :)
Edited 7/7/2006 12:12 pm ET by mom2danjam
first off....there is such a thing as freedom of speech unless it encites violence such as yelling FIRE in a crowded movie theater.....keep your name!
I do agree with other posters. 1. you and dh should not have gotten married without getting finances in order 2. You should have used better protection from getting pregnant UNTIL you have a better situation. Your MIL did you a favor, she let you and dh stay for two years....that is plenty of time to get things situated. Just because you are pregnant does NOT mean you cant work. Your dh can get a second job....even if it working at McDonalds. You and dh really need to sit down an figure out a budget....money problems will only get worse once the baby is born and grows up. You cant depend on others forever.
Edited 7/9/2006 6:01 am ET by lisa722006
http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/bec74
Actually, the internet is worldwide, so no freedom of speech. If IVillage tells her to change it, she will have to.
But, I do agree with the rest of your post. Thank you.
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