Mom + My BF= trouble :(

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2011
Mom + My BF= trouble :(
18
Sun, 04-08-2012 - 8:00pm

Not sure what to do!!
Have been with my BF (and hope to be future hubby) for over a year. He met my mom last summer, and I thought that the meeting went ok. Mom was in town this weekend, and she bought us all tickets for broadway, with dinner to follow. The BF was moody and grouchy the WHOLE time. Said he hated the show, and wouldnt answer any questions my mom asked. Was RUDE, RUDE, RUDE. My mom even asked me if he hated her!!!!

On our way home last night, the BF berated me for not sticking up for him....but the worst part is I HAVE NO CLUE WHAT HAPPENED!!!! He was "insulted" that she tried to congratulate him on getting a job, and said that was rude of her to say....I think its just her making conversation. He said that he feels that she put him down the whole time....how???? By being friendly. Its like he went on this outting with a mission to be a total tool, and to try to turn the tables by making her look like the villian

I dont know what to do. I am VERY close to my mom. I dont want this to end my relationship as I want to spend my life with him, but I cant be with someone who is obviously attacking my mom for no reason.....any suggestions here????

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2008
Mon, 04-09-2012 - 8:55am

I'm sorry you had a tough night...it must

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2011
Mon, 04-09-2012 - 10:08am

thanks for the feedback

i guess im just hurt as i come from a VERY broken family (no relationship with my father, no connection to his side of the famly, and wars on my moms side). i know she feels very alone, and wants to have a relationship of some sort with him being as we are on the marriage path. it hurts to kow that he hates her, and that she knows it. she is a good person, but can come off as aloof and weird (which i totally recognize)....but he takes it as her being condescening and he even said she is jealous of us and is trying to break us up!!!! i just dont understand where he is getting this all from....

i spoke to my mom today about it, and she told me not to let this effect me. its HIS problem, and she will never expect me to take a side in this. she is such a good mom (if she was trying to break us up, her response would have been to dump him!!!)

he is 36 years old....why cant he act like an adult and realize what this is doing to me???

Community Leader
Registered: 05-19-2008
Mon, 04-09-2012 - 12:34pm

I think what you said about your mom having a different personality might be something that you bf isn't used to.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-1998
Mon, 04-09-2012 - 2:57pm

Why on earth do you want to marry someone who is so rude to his future MIL? She bought him tickets to a Broadway show and he doesn't have the courtesy to show her a little respect when she asks him questions?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2011
Mon, 04-09-2012 - 3:08pm

while i agree that his behavor was not acceptable, i dont believe in just tossing an otherwise great relationship over something that might be able to be worked on. it makes me sick that he acted like a 2 year old,

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-1998
Mon, 04-09-2012 - 3:26pm

It sounds like you have a very wise mother who will make a great MIL someday.

While I don't generally advocate for breaking up over small things (I wouldn't have been able to make it to 20+ years of marriage if I did!), I do think his behavior raises serious red flags that go beyond the simple disagreements and troubles that all relationships face. I

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2011
Mon, 04-09-2012 - 3:31pm

thanks :) hope i can work it out too!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2011
Mon, 04-09-2012 - 3:38pm

and believe me, he KNOWS he is difficult to handle....one of the reasons he says he loves me so much is because i know how to deal with him. so, hope he can come to realize that he needs to learn to deal with her the way i deal with him....urg, its like a vicious cycle!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-18-2008
Mon, 04-09-2012 - 6:55pm

This is a little different, but I can relate to you because of what happened with me and my best friend.

My best friend had moved away and had a series of bad relationships and a failed marriage. After her divorce, completely as a joke, we made a "pact" that she couldn't date anyone unless I approved that they were okay. Well her mistake was that she mentioned this to her now DH when she was bringing him home to meet her family and friends. It put him on the defense, and he was completely horrible to me and he made sure to point out at every given chance that my opinion means absolutely nothing to him. Even though it's been a few years, he still does it from time to time. It's sad, because I know he's a good guy, (just insecure), but his attitude has made me limit contact with my friend at times.

You'll soon find out if it was just a one time thing, or he's really that insecure.

 



     

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2004
Tue, 04-10-2012 - 12:52am

Wow!

Pages