more in-law problems
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|Fri, 04-04-2003 - 11:00am|
DH and I got rid of our home phone a few months ago because we didn't
make enough local calls to justify the $30 a month charge. We've been
using our cells phones instead. Yesterday, we got new phones, so that meant new phone numbers too. We decided that we'd only give out my phone to my DH's family. With the phones we just got rid of, they'd call DH when they wanted to talk, and they'd call my phone when they were looking for DH. We thought only giving them one phone number might be a way to get the to talk to me on the phone too.
Not only do they have a problem talking to me on the phone, but they
also have a problem talking to me via e-mail. MIL (and sometimes one of my SILs) seems to have a problem remembering my e-mail address. MIL refuses to learn how to use her address book. She remembers my DH's
e-mail address, but doesn't remember mine. I think it's just an excuse. I used to send her mail once a week, but I stopped doing that because
she'd rarely respond. She's ignored me for several years, so I'm not sure why I'm surprised she'd ignore me through e-mail too.
In order to help MIL remember my address, DH and I decided to open a joint e-mail account. We sent a message to DH's family about the new address. (We also sent a message to my family, alerting them to the new address; they've used it several times.) MIL never did respond to the e-mail. We're sure she got the message; she's probably just mad or something. Anyway, back to the phones…
When we got home yesterday after buying our phones, DH and I composed a message to his family about our new phone number. As I said earlier, they are only getting the number to my phone. (I sent up the voicemail so that it has a greeting from DH and I.) We sent a separate message to my family, with both phone numbers. We explained to them that we didn't want his family to know about the other number. Lastly, we sent messages to our friends, letting them know about the new numbers.
DH has two sisters. We're having problems with one of them. When I say SIL, I just mean the one sister. DH's dad doesn't have an e-mail address, and doesn't want one. We sent the message about the phone numbers to his two sisters and his mom. (I'm sure his mom will pass the number along to her husband.)
A few minutes after sending the e-mail to everyone, an e-mail arrived at our joint account. My husband was now outside working on our car, and I was still sitting in front of the computer. I opened the message; it was from SIL. This is what she said:
"i have a question. y do u send this only to jane,
mom, and i? also, i thought i saw u and on oak
street in Harrisburg(fictitious town name) on sat. i tried cell phone and it just went to his voice mail. so i wasn't
surprised to find out that u guys didn't stop by home, if it was u guys, when i called mom and dad. anyway, bye."
We weren't in "Harrisburg" last Saturday, we were at our house, which is 1.5 hours away. I responded to SILs message with:
"Why do you ask?"(Referring to her question about why the message was only sent to her, her mom, and her sister.) I also said "We weren't in Harrisburg on Sat." I signed the message, with my DH's name and my name. I knew that I hadn't said anything rude to her, so DH wouldn't mind having his name tacked onto the end of the message. Immediately after sending it, I went outside to tell DH what I had written. He was, of course, fine with it. Normally, DH wouldn't be home on a Thursday. He took off Thursday and is taking off today to spend time with me (and to work on our car); my birthday is tomorrow.
I went back inside a few minutes after taking to DH, and found another message from SIL. She didn't know DH had taken the day off of work. She responded by telling me that she didn't like it when I signed the messages with DH's name *and* my name because he doesn't know what I am typing. She told me that he couldn't possibly know what I was typing because he was at work today. Here are her words:
"i just find it odd that u sign it " and " whenever he doesn't know what u are writing b/c he is at work now."
I was going to respond, and let her know DH was home today. Instead, I went back outside to talk to DH about her message. He decided to come inside and compose a message to her. He told her he took the day off to be with me, and that she needs to not use such a hateful tone with talking to me. We thought that was the end of the messages from her. Around 8pm, I had a weird feeling in my stomach; I knew she had sent us something. I checked the e-mail account, and there was a message from her. This is what she said:
"thanks for answering for since she seems unable to confront me if she is uncomfortable about something i say. u are being the middle-man here and it is making u look like a complete jackass, this could be directed to *both* of you if that is how u take it , since u 2 are no longer individuals. it was just a question for and in no way was i trying to be bitchy. i just found it odd, that is all. it is times like this that make me miss u , and despise more . it seems like u can't think for yourself anymore and have some hovering over u at all times. i am sorry that i offended her but it's not like it takes a lot to "hurt" her feelings, it seems. your whole immediate family is upset at u b/c u never see us anymore, i dont' give a XXXX what u say, u don't. and b/c this is not like u to not come around, it has led some of us to believe that the reason is . says that is "uncomfortable" around our family, well u know, we have tried w/ her and she says that we are mean to her. she is a part of our family whether or not she likes it, and this may sound harsh, but i was hoping that u would find someone that loved our family and truly be a part of it as much as they could. i was really looking forward to having a great sister-in-law, but it seems to be more of a dissappointment b/c we feel she is avoiding us. mom and i truly miss you the most , and i know the others do as well, u aren't your old self anymore. but why should u be? u and are one in the same according to u.
love u and miss u,
Well, first of all, I was never hurt by her message first two messages. My husband and I felt it would be best if he responded to her second message. We didn’t think that if the message was written in my words, that she'd believe he was actually home for the day. (I'm not sure why we cared if she believe us or not.) I did think her first two messages had a hateful kind of tone to them, though. Basically, she is making this out to be my fault. I think she's trying to get DH to feel bad for not talking to his mom and her. I also think she hopes he'll eventually get mad at me. The third and final message she sent did hurt my feelings. She said that they've tried with me, when DH and I know they have not. She said she'd hoped for a great sister-in-law, and that she despises me. That makes me feel bad because I have been good to her. We've both given her many chances. Every time, she has chosen to say and do mean things to us. It also bothered us that she signed the last message saying that she loves and misses DH. How could she love him as much as she says she does and still do such rude stuff?
I just feel bad. There is someone out there that despises me for no reason. I can't change how she feels about me because she is so irrational. She's jealous of the relationship DH and I have. She has lots of anger towards both of us, but mainly towards me. I just wish there was something I could do because, DH knows and I know that I'm not the person she makes me out to be. We think she has some sort of a mental problem and that she should seek some help. (Another thing we found odd were her references to us being one person. We think she said that because he has defended me through all of this. It might also have to do with the fact that we now have a joint e-mail account and we have "one" phone number.)
DH responded to her last message telling her that she has lots of anger that she is directing towards us for some reason. He told her she needs to talk to someone about it. He also said that she couldn't love him like she says she does and treat him in such a bad manner. Lastly, he told her that he doesn't want her to contact us any more.
After he sent the message, we blocked her e-mail address(es). We're both upset by what she said, but we are relieved that she's out of our lives.