mother-in-law screwed me over
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mother-in-law screwed me over
| Sat, 03-10-2007 - 4:26pm |
The day before I married her son I realized that my mother-in-law hated me. She is Baptist and I Catholic and she saw me drinking a margarita. Things were never the same. We tolerated each other but were never close. Then I got pregnant, she pretended to be interested in how I was but I soon found out it was a lie. The night my son was born I had to have an emergency C-Section. I was put to sleep, and when I woke I found out I had a son. We chose not to know the sex of the baby and had to go through IVF to even conceive so I was dissapointed to say the lease not to share the experience of giving birth with my husband. After I asked him for details about the first time he saw our son and held him etc... he confessed that his "Mama" Yes this is what he calls her asked him if she could hold Sam. My husban said No Mama I don't think that would be a good idea, " To chich she replied, "I won't tell if you won't Son (yes this is what she calls him), it will be our little secret." Needless to say I was devastated. I cannot forgive her for what she did. I tried but she still treats me as if I am not in the room when I am around her. She has no respect for me at all! This is causing a tremendous stain on my marriage. I am very close with my parents and always have been. My husband does not understand the severity of what she has done to me.

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Honey, I have known a lot of people who had C/S and while you might have missed having a vaginal birth, please try to concentrate on the fact that you have your baby. I will bet he is a sweet, beautiful child, too. However, you should have been allowed to hold him before your MIL.
Did he allow her to hold him? If so, he should be ashamed. Very ashamed.
Stand up to her. Let her know that you are the mother of the baby and you are the wife and that she is not treat you as if you don't exist. Tell her being sneaky won't get her on your good side. How selfish to hold (or try to hold) your baby before you did.
Hi Eightiesgirl73, welcome!
It sounds like your husband hasn't cut the apron strings yet with his Mommy. Is there a reason why he hasn't?
Until your DH sticks up for you and your MIL learns to respect you and at least be civil towards you, I see no reason for you or your baby to be around your MIL.
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>Did you actually want your husband to say "Nobody touches this child until she wakes up!!"?<
You betcha I did, when my youngest dd was born she was a ER c-section and besides the DR, nurses & dh no one else got to touch her until I was awake, and I do MEAN NO ONE. NOT EVEN MY MOTHER, who was there at the hospital. So, this DH/MIL were both out of line.
Sam
Hey there!
I can understand how hurtful that must have been for you. To be fair to your MIL, she probably really did not mean to usurp you, or really think through the implications of what she was asking. She was probably just excited at seeing her grandchild and wanted to hold him: I probably would have wanted to as well, in her position. And yes, your DH probably should have been firmer with her.
But really, did DH or your MIL really really mean to hurt you, do you think? They were thoughtless, and it did hurt, but I am sure they did not mean to hurt you: they were just excited about the baby. I think you need to try and find it in your heart to forgive your DH and your MIL: you need to make sure they understand why they were wrong, and try and get an apology from them, but then you need to accept that apology, forgive them, and move on. You can't keep lugging around all that hurt and resentment, that's just damaging your relationship with your DH and your MIL, and, more importantly, your baby's relationship with DH and MIL. At the end of the day, your baby is the most important thing, and its best for them if they have a good, loving relationship with their grandparents, which is going to be hard if you are still mad.
So, take a deep breath, and do the right thing, and let it go, if you can. Don't let what she did have such a hold over you, she doesn't deserve that kind of power over you and your feelings. And *talk* to your DH about how you feel about this. Get his support.
*hugs* and enjoy your little one, that's the most important thing,
Kirsty
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