My In Laws are destroying my marriage

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2012
My In Laws are destroying my marriage
8
Wed, 02-22-2012 - 12:05am

A few years ago my In Laws lost their job (they worked at the same place) and lost their apartment (because it was at their previous job). They asked to move in with us, which of course we agreed to. I would never turn away family that is in need of help. My Mother In Law also applied for a job at the same business I work in, which was the first thing that drove me nuts. She doesn't have a "private" bone in her body, and I am someone who keeps their work life and their private life quite separate. I don't like to talk about my personal problems at work. Now I have been promoted, and the gossip factor is driving me even more nuts.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2008
Wed, 02-22-2012 - 9:35am

faith4mw,

Thanks for sharing your story and I hope that you take from our posts enough courage to do what has to be done!

Avatar for elc11
Community Leader
Registered: 06-16-1998
Wed, 02-22-2012 - 11:57am

I really admire your patience. I agree with you that we must help family in need. It sounds like you "did your job", you took them in when they were desperate and gave them a safe space to get back on their feet.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2012
Wed, 02-22-2012 - 12:33pm

Thank you so much, both for listening and offering advice. I think the most frustrating part has been the just keeping quiet and not expressing my feelings about the whole situation.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2012
Wed, 02-22-2012 - 12:55pm

My husband has noticed that I am not happy, and he tries to cheer me up. He gets frustrated with his mom as well. But it is his mother.

I think the part that frustrates me the most is they have a daughter who is recently divorced and her kids are graduating high school and moving out. She has expressed the desire to share a place with her mom and dad, both because they would be sharing costs and she doesn't want to be alone. And they have another daughter in another state where they lived before (and loved living there) who has a HUGE house with lots of room if her parents desired to live there. And they don't like living here. It is too small of a place for this many people. But they stay.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2005
Wed, 02-22-2012 - 4:13pm

No, No, No, NO!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-1998
Wed, 02-22-2012 - 7:32pm

Since you have put up with this in silence for so long, you are partly to blame for your situation. Therefore, you need to do this gradually, because no one in your family will respond well if you suddenly announce that you've had it. So start with a quiet conversation with your husband. Tell him that you have been uncomfortable for a long

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2012
Sun, 02-26-2012 - 1:32pm

I agree, I am partly to blame for the situation. I have gone along with things because they are family, and I can't turn my back on family. But I have not been silent about it. I have gotten more and more vocal with my husband in asking how much longer his parents will need to be staying with us and that the situation is getting very uncomforatble. That is really why I was so upset when I found out they were looking for different houses for us to move into. The fact that my husband went along with it, and no one asked me if I was interested in uprooting my whole life and moving out of my home so they can be more comfortable was really upsetting to me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2007
Fri, 03-09-2012 - 5:02pm

lady kick them out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!