My mother-in-law

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2007
My mother-in-law
11
Tue, 02-27-2007 - 10:36am
My mother-in-law just got back from a cruise that she has taken for the past 3 years. I do not mean to sound ungrateful, but she has brought me back a beach bag each time with the name of one of the areas she visited. I don't necessarialy dislike the bags, but really don't need any more. The big problem is Longaberger baskets. My mother-in-law loves these and has at least 100. For b-days and Christmas she always gives me one or two. These baskets are beautiful but I am just not a basket person. I now have over 20 and am running out of ways to use them. I even told her that I have more baskets then I can use and she stated that she changes hers out from time to time. I would so much rather have a set of sheets, bath towels, cookware, etc. Even just a gift certificate for dinner somewhere but no more baskets. She is getting ready to go visit the factory, again, she goes at least twice a year and take all the female members of the family, my sister-in-law, my 3 nieces, and my daughter, which is all well and good becuase this is the kind of thing they like to do. BTW, it is about a 4 1/2 hour drive. I don't want to go and politely told her so, now I seem to be the bad person in the family. Any suggestions on how the handle the whole situation?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2006
In reply to: trose4
Tue, 02-27-2007 - 1:12pm
Yes, I have an idea of how to "handle" this situation. Appologise for being ungracious, and just go. Why are you picking a battle over this? Why choose her generosity as something to pick apart and cause hurt feelings over?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2006
In reply to: trose4
Tue, 02-27-2007 - 1:40pm
I agree sometimes it's just better to go along with unimportant things that don't matter all that much to preserve the family peace. However, I don't think you should have to do something you really don't want to do either. This seems like a really long trip. I don't understand people who try guilt family members into doing things they'd rather not do. Why would you want someone along on what is supposed to be a fun girls outing who you know would rather not go and has the potential of spoiling all the fun? Maybe I'm more low maintenance, but if someone chooses not to attend whatever event/activity I'm planning I don't care. I guess you need to decide if this is important enough to you to potentially upset your mil. Maybe it is, maybe it's not. As for the gift thing, I understand where you're coming from. My house is pretty small and I just don't have room for gifts which are usually things I don't want/need. However I don't think there is a graceful way to tell people not to give you certain gifts. I'm always grateful for the thought if not the actual gift, kwim?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2007
In reply to: trose4
Tue, 02-27-2007 - 2:45pm
Actucally we have a really good relationship. We travel together as a family quite often, as well as attend church together and then eat out together afterwards, she has dinner with us at least once a week, and she is a wonderful grandmother to my children. I simply don't want to go on the trip. I am lucky to have a good MIL but I should still be able to say no once in a while without the guilt.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
In reply to: trose4
Tue, 02-27-2007 - 5:14pm

I can relate to your situation. Often I am far too nice when it comes to giving in for the sake of feeling guilty.

When it comes to the trip to Dresden, I would just kindly tell MIL that you really don't think you are going to be able to make it this year but that you really appreciate the invitation and you hope they have a wonderful trip. I would never actually say that you didn't want to go, because that will definitely hurt MILs feelings. Just allude that the trip won't work for you. You shouldn't have to go just because MIL wants you too. There is a difference between being nice and going with the flow and constantly feeling like you are obligated to attend a function that you really don't want to go to.

Good Luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2007
In reply to: trose4
Wed, 02-28-2007 - 10:55am
Good job telling her you don't want to go! Stick to your guns on that one. Not everyone likes baskets and you have a right not to spend the entire day on a venture like this. This could give her the hint that you really don't want them as gifts? If not, maybe you could look at e-bay and see how much those dreaded baskets go for, then sell some, and buy what you want!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2003
In reply to: trose4
Wed, 02-28-2007 - 11:38am

I agree. It may seem petty to some people, but not to me. One of the most manipulative and controlling things about some women (not just MILs) is that they expect you to want and collect and desire the same things they want. And if you don't, they act like you've destroyed their self-worth. We women MUST take a stand with one another and say, "Hey, you know what? I don't really care for that. But I'm glad it makes you happy...now I have a good idea what to get you for your birthday. Let's find something else to do together."

I'm sorry, but this is the reason why women get married and lose their identities after a few years. They lose it at the basket outlet. LOL!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2007
In reply to: trose4
Wed, 02-28-2007 - 3:04pm
Thanks for all the supportive messages. I still do not plan on going but I did tell my MIL that my daughter is really looking forward to the trip and that seemed to make her happy.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2003
In reply to: trose4
Wed, 02-28-2007 - 3:58pm
I LOVE Longaberger baskets!!! You can send them all to me!!! ;o)
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2006
In reply to: trose4
Wed, 02-28-2007 - 8:37pm

Hi trose.

I'm coming in a little late but wanted to add that since you do things with her anyway and want to sit this one out, answer anything to do with *you* going with something like, "you go have fun, we'll do something together when you get back (or name something specific if one is already planned)"

With the cruise bags, how about you give the old ones to your local thrift store and use the current one as a special "outings with MIL" bag? That way you are using her gift but by giving away the old ones when she gives you the new one you eliminate the big stack or box of MIL's cruise bags.

As for the baskets, maybe pick out two or three that you like (or dis-like the least) and either offer the others back to her (maybe to trade at the factory?) if you think she would not be offended, or sell them on e-bay.

As a gift-giving day comes near try the "MIL, I saw the cutest set of sheets at ___store the other day. They'd look so cute on our bed" hints, if you haven't already tried that.

Good luck to you, however it turns out. And do be grateful that she is just a little annoying and that you can trust her to take care of your daughter. Hey, it could be a lot worse!

ilve2read

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2007
In reply to: trose4
Thu, 03-01-2007 - 6:33pm
If you do change your mind and deside to go with your MIL and Daughter, there are other things you can do. Depending on which direction your coming from. Columbus has COSI which is great. There is also Longaberger Homestead just west of the factory. Newark is a Historical town. Lots of Native American Indians Mounds, and other stuff. There is alot of things to do in that area. I was thinking the same thing someone else said. Tell MIL you have no more room and would she like some baskets back if not you will sell them on E-bay. Honesty is always the best policy.

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