My sister inlaw the Bee Yatch

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2007
My sister inlaw the Bee Yatch
13
Tue, 03-27-2007 - 12:38am

I've been with my husband for 4 years and was introduced to him by my sister inlaw. she is such a drama queen/ Bee yatch I dont know how to deal with it anymore.

All this happened in like a two months span:

-My husband I wanted to go visit his grandma before she passes. Just the two of us because I never meet her. She said we could stay in her guestroom and it sounded like fun. Then his parents invited themselves to go (which was fine.)

Since they were coming they asked us to stay in the hotel so that they could stay in her guestroom. Then we explained to them that we did not plan a hotel in our budget. SO they said they would pay for because it was there fault.

Then the sister in law complained she needed a hotel room and that she wanted to stay in our room. We had no choice but to say yes, because she cried and complained that she cant sleep in a room alone. It was horrible. She kept yelling at me telling me how annoying I was (I was reading a book on the bed the entire time),how her brother hates her, how he hates their mom (and he doesnt), That I forced her to stay in a bar w/ me. (I did no such thing, I asked her if she wanted to get a drink and she said yes). She was so rude calling her fience at 1am in the morning. Iasked her to be queit. Then she flipped out and said I had to be nice to her because her parents paid for the hotel. I just read my book the entire trip. Then she got mad when we wouldnt let her ride in the car home with us. Oh and they paid for everything for her (she came on the trip w/ ten dollars. (she is 35!)

_ Now my sister in law is getting married, I've been helping her with everything. I planned the wedding recpetion, ceromony and I sent out the save the date cards. Then she tells me that I am annoying her and that she doesn't want me as a bridesmaid anymore because I'm not helping her with the wedding. I say okay. Then she asked me to send out more save the date cards and I said no. Then she flipped out and told my mother inlaw that I was so rude and annoying.

-Then it was my husbands birthday. He goes to bed early so we planned a family dinner at 5pm. The sister inlaw says that she will be there. Then when she comes in an hour late she starts yelling at how rude it was for us to eat w/out her. And that she cant eat this early, etc.. So then my husband and father inlaw go and hide in the family room. Then she starts yelling how antisocial my husband is, how he has no manners, how he hates her. Then she starts talking about my father inlaw. how inconsiderate is is for him to leave the room, etc. Then she starts crying.

I love my mother and father inlaw. They are the nicest people. But I cant stand to be around her. I want to say somthing to her about putting my father inlaw and husband down. But I dont know if I should. They both hide from her because they dont like being around her. They have told me this. My husbands parent are always fighting about her. The mother inlaw babys her, pays for everthing. Father inlaw says she is 35 she should be on her own by now. They fight so much cause of her. I love m yinlaws but I cant go over there anymore, I dont know what I should do. Help please!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2006
Tue, 03-27-2007 - 1:27pm

The only thing that is your business to do is to stand by your man. Now he and his father leave the room to not deal with her, to avoid her, and that's their business to be weak. But I'll be damned if I'm going to let anyone bad mouth my husband! I'd have told her flat out to her face that if she wasn't a self centered spoiled drama queen then my husband wouldn't feel compelled to avoid her. Really, I'd seriously say that to her face, because I'd rather not have that interfeering with my marriage.


The bottom line is that there is some sick connection your MIL has in still being "needed", and so she perpetuates and feeds into her grown daughter continuing to be a loser. If her daughter got her act together and was a fully functioning emotionally healthy adult, then MIL wouldn't be needed as much and so she keeps the daughter dependent.


So just love your DH up one side and down the other. You've had to

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 03-27-2007 - 6:44pm

Hi Pinkpancake2002, welcome!

Your SIL sounds like a real doozy. One minute you aren't doing enough for her, the next minute she wants you doing something for her. It sounds like you can't win with her.

As far as how your ILs handle your SIL, I think that is their problem. I can tell that you feel bad about it, but there isn't much you can do about it. FIL and DH leave the room when your SIL starts up and that's how they handle it. So far it seems to work for them. The only other thing I can suggest is that you limit your contact with your sister-in-law. As I said previously, one minute she wants you working on something for her, the next minute you aren't doing enough. The next time she asks you to do something for her for her wedding, ask her exactly where things stand before things go any further and if you are in the wedding or not. If she starts giving you a hard time, you need to tell her that she can't have it both ways and that you aren't her puppet.

Your SIL sounds like someone who is very aggressive and the only way to get someone like that to react is to basically tell the person like it is and set firm boundaries on what behaviors you will and won't accept.

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Edited 3/27/2007 6:46 pm ET by cl-stretch123
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2007
Tue, 03-27-2007 - 9:40pm

Thank you for your advice. I will put her in her place the next time she opens her mouth. I didn't say anything before because I didn't want to start a family argument, but it looks like there needs to be one. I think your idea about my MIL needing to be needed is right. Maybe if we have grandkids she will stop babying my SIL.

Oh do I say it to her face w/ my MIL there or on my own?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2007
Tue, 03-27-2007 - 9:51pm

When I ask her where things stand she says were freinds and family. If I confront her about anything she said she just yells things like your so rude and annoying. Then tells my MIL about how my bad my behavior is. I don't want my MIL to hate me, she such a nice person. I wonder if she just humors her and knows what kind of a person she is.

Its hard to limit contact w/ her because we are constanly doing things w/ my IL's. \if we go she is always there. I try to invite them out just us and them, then they inviter her. Any advice?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2006
Wed, 03-28-2007 - 5:52pm

Don't seek out the oppertunity to tell her what a spoiled self centered wretch she is. Lol, you know darned well that the oppertunity will come to you. So just wait for it.


Maybe if you give MIL grandkids nothing. Eew and how thoughtless to intentionally do that to a child!! Please tell me you didn't just imply that you'd sacrifice your child/ren at her alter of control and sickness?! Doting grandma is wonderful. Emotionally unbalanced control freak grandma is scary.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Wed, 03-28-2007 - 6:36pm
Try limiting your contact with the ILs altogether, since your SIL needs to be everywhere for whatever reason. What does your DH think of all of this?







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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2007
Wed, 03-28-2007 - 7:27pm

MIL is not emotionally unbalanced, its just she has worked w/ children w/ special needs for the last 20 years. She is just naturally caring and loves to help people. Its in her nature. I think my SIL knows that and takes advantage of her. My MIL is to nice of a person to say no. She needs to develop a backbone. Poor lady!

I was joking about that (I was not saying I'm have kids for this purpose). I forgot to put LOL after that comment. I would never have kids for a reason like that, thats horrible. Sorry you misunderstood.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2007
Wed, 03-28-2007 - 7:32pm

He can not stand her. He has told her many times that she is taking advantage of their parents, she is a spoiled brat and she needs to grow up. He has told her not to come around him , etc.. Then she goes and tell their parents that he is being rude. So then he stops going over to visit and MIL wonders why and FIL knows why.

Should we inform my IL's of the reason why were not coming over? So that they dont feel its them.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Wed, 03-28-2007 - 9:50pm
If they ask why you aren't coming over, then tell them. Otherwise, don't volunteer. If you volunteer then they may say that you were looking for trouble. If they ask and you tell, you can say "you asked!"







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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2006
Wed, 03-28-2007 - 9:52pm

Do you *really* think MIL doesn't *know* why your DH doesn't go over there?

If he *does* speak to her about it, it needs to be from a position of concern. Concern that MIL is being taken advantage of AND concern that SIL is being deprived of the chance to be an independent woman.

Adult concerns, not jealous sibling. :o)

In the end though, it's up to MIL and FIL to make any changes in *their* choices.

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